Friday, 29 May 2009
Light News.....
Shamed MPs cash in on golden goodbyes by staying put until General Election. Boot them out now.
What a shambles: Veterans blame Brown as Palace says it's too late for ANY royals to attend D-Day anniversary in France. Brown hates the military and everything they stand for. They should remove him from power.
Petrol price rise fear as Saudis predict oil cost will soar by more than 27% pushing fuel up again. Just what the economy needs!!!
Barack Obama pledges support for Palestinian statehood. Wrong!!
Lost Vietnam helicopter crew found after 43 years. Bringing them home.
Bird uses body as dam to stop drainpipe soaking chicks. Ahhhhhh.
US troop surge in Afghanistan escalates war with Taleban. Let's hope it works.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad hands out potatoes to poor to buy presidential votes. All they need now is a spud gun!
South Korean and US troops placed on high alert. Nobody sneeze!
Eleventh Wedding.....
A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin.
What? said the puzzled groom.
How can that be possible if you’ve been married ten times.?
Well, husband#1 was a Sales Representative; he just kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function; but he said he would look into it and get back with me.
Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn’t get the system up.
Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state of the-art method.
Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.
Husband # 9 was a Gynaecologist; all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was … God I miss him.
But now that I’ve married you, I’m so excited.
Wonderful, said the husband, but why?
To which she replied,Your with the GOVERNMENT . ..This time I KNOW IM gonna get SCREWED.
H/T DML
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
Blonde Joke....
Two blonde girls were working for the city public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind her and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one girl digging a hole, the other girl filling it in again.
An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, 'I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting in to your work, but I don't get it -- why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind
and fill it up again?'
The hole digger wiped her brow and sighed, 'Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the girl who plants the tree called in sick.'
H/T Stormbringer
Thursday, 28 May 2009
Frog Leap Test--Can it be done?
Here is a little 'test' that is (supposedly) part of a second grade Computer class in China . Some figure it out right away.
Others report having to work on it for a week (or more) to solve it.
PLAY HERE
H/T Ted
Video: Worst Slide Story.....
If you think you know the words to all of Leonard Bernstein's classic opera, you may be surprised to know that they have undergone a change since the market crash...
H/T Shelly
Thought for the Day.....
Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel” pick up your shovel , mount your asses and camels,and I will lead you to the promised land”.
Nearly 75 years ago , Roosevelt said, ” Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses , and light up a Camel , this is the promised land.”
Now Obama is going to steal your shovel , kick your asses, raise the price of camels , and mortgage the promised land.
H/T DML
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
Movie Review: 'The Curious Case of Benjamin Button'
Short Review: Apt title, if you redefine "Curious" to mean "Pointless".
Full Review HERE
Wednesday, 27 May 2009
Light News....
D-Day snub to Queen: Palace fury as Sarkozy refuses to invite royals to 65th Anniversary. He can go f**k himself. I wouldn't be surprised if Obama has something to do with this.
Nicolas Sarkozy's Napoleonic ambitions expand to the Middle East. What is it about shortass frogs and causing trouble.
Ooh la la! Bidding frenzy expected for nude photo of France's First Lady Carla Bruni. Why? It's all over the net.
North Korea abandons truce and threatens to attack the South. You can forget the UN on this one.
UN to deter refugees in Calais from heading to Britain. So we can expect numbers to treble.
Police quango spends £70m on consultants... but frontline officer numbers are being cut. Make them pay it back. There are too many consultants on the government payroll.
Professor Steven Chu: paint the world white to fight global warming. Twaddle.
Gordon Brown and David Cameron in scramble to clean up Parliament. Too late.
Great Quotes by Great Ladies.........
Inside every older person is a younger person — wondering what the hell happened.
-Cora Harvey Armstrong
The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.
-Helen Hayes (at 73)
I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows.
-Janette Barber
Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.
-Lily Tomlin
A male gynaecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.
-Carrie Snow
Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends.
-Laurie Kuslansky
My second favourite household chore is ironing. My first being, hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
-Erma Bombeck
Old age ain’t no place for sissies.
-Bette Davis
A man’s got to do what a man’s got to do. A woman must do what he can’t.
-Rhonda Hansome
The phrase “working mother” is redundant.
-Jane Sellman
Every time I close the door on reality it comes in through the windows.
-Jennifer Unlimited
Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
-Charlotte Whitton
Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.
-Caryn Leschen
I try to take one day at a time, but sometime! s several days attack me at once.
-Jennifer Unlimited
If you can’t be a good example, then you’ll just have to be a horrible warning.
-Catherine
When I was young, I was put in a school for retarded kids for two years before they realized I actually had a hearing loss. And they called ME slow!
-Kathy Buckley
I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb
… and I’m also not blonde.
-Dolly Parton
If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.
-Sue Grafton
I’m not going to vacuum ’till Sears makes one you can ride on.
-Roseanne Barr
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
-Elayne Boosler
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
-Maryon Pearson
In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man-if you want anything done, ask a woman.
-Margaret Thatcher
I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.
-Gloria Steinem
I am a marvellous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
-Zsa Zsa Gabor
Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.
-Eleanor Roosevelt
H/T DML
Funny: Ellen DeGeneres Commencement Speech at Tulane University
H/T Shelly who writes 'Not my favorite person, but her speech is entertaining; suitable for Tulane.'
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
