Thursday, 5 February 2009
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Limerick Time....
There was a young lady named Hicks
Who delighted to play with men’s pricks
Which she would embellish
With evident relish,
And make then stand up and do tricks.
H/T DML
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Trebuchets in Action.......beats darts anyday.
Murray Hill's Trebuchets, Sir Isaac and Katie loosing 1.1 Kg shots at a wooden brick tower.
More at 22 AD Artillery
H/T Hitting Metal
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News......
Man thrown over balcony after sex row. WTF!
The Impending Obama Meltdown. VDH on the Ass that is Obama.
The truth is in here. 'Ok, lets release UFO story to take people's mind off the complete shambles we have made of the economy'.
Race doll row hits the royals: Queen has to say sorry for golliwogs on sale at Sandringham. What the f**k is wrong with gollywogs.
Was Carol Thatcher's sacking the BBC's revenge on Maggie? The first thing the Tories should do is abolish the TV licence.
More travel woe after fresh snowfalls... and we only have enough grit for THREE days. A f**king shambles.
We know where you are: Google lets you track friends and family through their mobiles. Only if you let them.
Gang of children - some as young as TEN - caught slowly roasting puppies over bonfire. Find them and put them in the stocks for a week.
Cannibal killers 'cooked Russian schoolgirl with potatoes and ate her because they were hungry'. WTF!
Iran: British Council suspends work in Tehran. Why were they there in the first place.
Former Ethiopian dictator Mengistu Haile Mariam could be extradited from Zimbabwe. They should take Mugabe as well.
Crocodiles washed into flooded Australian towns. Should liven things up a bit.
'Black Panthers' prepare to take out Taleban in Afghanistan. Good luck lads.
David Miliband: now is the time to show we're serious about the treaty. Nukes are here to stay. Miliband is a total joke.
Hamas police 'seize aid for Gaza'. Surprise, surprise.
and finally....
War heroine toasts 104th birthday.
An Obituary to Common Sense.....
'Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.
It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an Elastoplast to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar
could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.
He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, I Want It Now, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim.
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.'
And a little extra........
Can you imagine working for a company whose Board of Directors and senior management has the following statistics?
29 have been accused of abusing their spouse
7 have been arrested for fraud
19 have been accused of writing bad cheques
117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
3 have done time for assault
71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
4 have been arrested on drug-related charges
8 have been arrested for shoplifting
21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
84 have been arrested for drink driving in the last year
Which organization is this?
It's the 635 members of the House of Commons, the same group that cranks out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.
H/T AJD
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Do you have too many Lamborghinis and not enough space?
Then just stack them. A friend of mine is putting one of these into a house in London at the moment. (Without the Lambos)
H/T Rodney
Baby boomers revisit the 60's.....
Some of the artists of the 60’s are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers.
They include:
Bobby Darin —Splish, Splash, I Was Havin’ a Flash.
Herman’s Hermits —Mrs. Brown, You’ve Got a Lovely Walker .
Ringo Starr —I Get By With a Little Help From Depends.
The Bee Gees — -How Can You Mend a Broken Hip.
Roberta Flack—The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face.
Johnny Nash —I Can’t See Clearly Now.
Paul Simon—Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver
The Commodores —Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom.
Marvin Gaye —Heard It Through the Grape Nuts.
Procol Harem—A Whiter Shade of Hair.
Leo Sayer —You Make Me Feel Like Napping.
The Temptations —Papa’s Got a Kidney Stone.
Abba —Denture Queen.
Tony Orlando —Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall.
Helen Reddy — I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore.
Leslie Gore— It’s My Procedure, and I’ll Cry If I Want To.
Willie Nelson — On the Commode Again
H/T DML
Wednesday, 4 February 2009
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News from the Front.....
Aim Low, Goal In Sight....from Jules.
and Maggie's Farm have made a major breakthrough in the kitchen.
AUSTRALIAN - MANUFACTURED CABINET FOR SALE
DISPLAY CABINET, one of the most elegant and functional display cabinets currently on the market.
Features :
Fine timber details
4 leadlight options
4 side access doors (maximum frontal display)
Adjustable shelves, extra deep to accommodate large items
Halogen down lights
Mirror back with glass shelves provide max illumination of collectables from top to bottom.
To give indication of size of the Cabinet it previously held the following:
Rugby League World Cup
Rugby Union World Cup
International Rules Trophy
Tri Nations Trophy
Super-12 Trophy
Trans-Tasman Touch Football Trophy
Davis Cup
Hockey World Championship Trophy
Bledisloe Cup
and, more recently, had every intention to house:
2008-2009 SA / Aust Test and ODI series
All these trophies are now overseas and the Cabinet is excess to requirements.
To make an offer please call R Ponting, S Mortlock, R. Stuart or P. Fitzsimons, who once commented: "The Australian Cabinet is groaning under the weight of all the trophies!"
They can be contacted on: 1800-LOST-THE-LOT
H/T Rodney
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