Thursday, 6 January 2011
Ambiguities, Idiosyncrasies, and Wacky Questions
FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE IDIOSYNCRASIES OF ENGLISH:
DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.
ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.
ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.
WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?
IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?
ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.
DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?
DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?
HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?
IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?
IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?
IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?
WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?
WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"?
WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?
WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?
IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL PERSON IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DO THEY BECOME DISORIENTED?
CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD ?
WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?
WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?
IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?
CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?
IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?
WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?
HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?
WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?9. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?
IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?
WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"
WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?
IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?
THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS (AND BOYS) LIVE.
I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF-
HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.
Wednesday, 5 January 2011
Splinters in Her Crotch
In considerable pain, she hurried to Mt. Carmel ER to see a doctor. She told him she was an environmentalist, a democrat, and an anti-hunter and how she came to get all the splinters. The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go wait in the examining room and he would see if he could help her.
She sat and waited three hours before the doctor reappeared. The angry woman demanded, "What took you so long?" He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a recreational area. I'm sorry, but due to Obama Care, they turned me down."
BOHICA - A cautionary tale...........from Rico
Consider this a cautionary tale for Americans. Let's call it B.O.H.I.C.A.*
Chavez's Venezuela recently "revalued" (downward) its currency.
The Governments of Argentina, Bulgaria, Fwance, Hungary and Ireland have all completed or begun private "pension" grabs, seeing a large pool of untapped funds to help solve their immediate problems (cash-poor and spend-thrift).
"Bbbbbbbbbb-but!" I hear you saying....U.S. Lawmakers regard the personal wealth-money-well being of Americans as sancrosanct (sacred for Democrat supporters)!
Yeah.
Riiiiiiiiiiiight!
Just like they respect and value our thoughts and opinions.
Get ready to grab your ankles and cheerily shout "BOHICA!!!!!!!!"
- If you want some KY, that'll be an extra charge.
*Rumored to have been coined as a term shortly after the first Congress convened, but certainly practiced diligently by Congress-critters upon the voting public ever since then, BOHICA may also have been the first Governmental acronym. It means Bend Over Here It Comes Again.
OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!!
Q. What's the Cuban National Anthem?
A. Row, Row, Row Your Boat.
Q. Where does an Irish family go on vacation ?
A. A different bar.
Q. What do you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A. A speech impediment.
Q. Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans On Star Trek?
A. Because they're not going to work in the future either.
Q. What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A. The southern zoo has a description of the animal along with a recipe.
Q How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the 'F' word?
A. Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell, 'BINGO!'
Q. What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A. A northern fairytale begins, ....'Once upon a time...'
A southern fairytale begins,... 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit.'
H/T Shelly
Video: The Perfect Man
Second place and winner of the Audience Choice award in the 2010 Creemore Mocks Film Festival. Best Actress award for Donna Baylis. Best Actor nomination for Herman. This is an Ida Nowe Production.
The Perfect Man from Donna Baylis on Vimeo.
H/T Pete H
News.............
Problems for the green police
Question Socrates: Part I. Back to the Future
F**k You Very Much, Mr. Commander-in-Chief. Sir.
Playing the Violence Card
Scalia: Constitution doesn't protect women, gays
FDA urges consumers to avoid sexual-enhancement drinks
Next Obama chapter: Change coming to White House
14 states may target birthright citizenship
Ex-Lebanon Leader: Christians Target of Genocide
Republican Congressman: Ban Funding of Obamacare in Every Appropriations Bill This Year
Chilling Video: Openly Rooting for Revolution, The Left Calls For American Civil Unrest & Riots
Navy Gets its Holiday Wish and Buys Both LCS Classes
Never Forget The Fed Caused The Economic Downturn
China backs Spain to emerge from crisis: Beijing
European nations begin seizing private pensions
Obamacare Ends Construction of Doctor-Owned Hospitals
UFC Champ Jacob Volkmann Says He Wants To Fight Obama…
Josh Groban Sings Kanye's Tweets!!
Vulture tagged by Israeli scientists flies into Saudi Arabia ... and is arrested for being a spy
USS Enterprise captain relieved of command following lewd videos.
Sudan's president vows to support South after secession
Backlash against perks for EU officials
Chinese truck driver's dramatic escape
Guarding the Pork Barrel: Germany Opposes Attempts to Reform EU Agricultural Subsidies
Diplomat attacked with döner knives
India overtakes China as most attractive market for Japanese firms
Video: Bit O' Lace (1944 - 1945)
This series consists of moving images shot by pilot John H. Bauman in flight on the B-17G "A Bit O' Lace," K identifier, bomber of the 709th Bomb Squadron of the 447th Bombardment Group, 8th Air Force, late in World War II.
Tuesday, 4 January 2011
Melanie Phillips on Israel
A re-post from Melanie Phillips
January 3, 2011
The challenge of public diplomacy vis-a-vis the delegitimisation of Israel
Address to Ariel Conference on Law and Mass Media, 30 December 2010
As we all know by now, Israel has lost the battle for public opinion in the west. Even the Israel government is now acknowledging this fact. Israel and its defenders have been outclassed and outmanoeuvred in a war of the mind being waged on a battleground it never even acknowledged it was on.
Calls for more and better hasbara, however, are meaningless if the message or narrative promoted by Israel and its defenders misses the point of the attack being waged upon it. And it does miss that point, by a mile.
You cannot resist or overcome a threat unless you first understand its nature.
The first thing to say is that this phenomenon is characteristic not just of the media animosity or economic or academic boycotts. It goes across the intelligentsia and political class, spreading well beyond the normal suspects on the left into the mainstream middle-classes.
In Britain, the universities, the established church, the theatrical and publishing worlds, the voluntary sector, significant elements within the Foreign Office, members of Parliament across the political spectrum, as well as the media have overwhelmingly signed up to the demonisation and delegitimisation of Israel.
The scale of this phenomenon is nothing short of a multi-layered civilisational crisis.
The west is experiencing a total inversion of truth evidence and reason. A society’s thinking class has overwhelmingly subscribed to an immoral, patently false and in many cases demonstrably absurd account of the Middle East, past and present, which it has uncritically absorbed and assumes to be true.
continue reading
Video: British troops fighting in Afghanistan close ups
You will need to turn the volume right up.
H/T Marc
From the pilot's viewpoint, an F-15E Strike Eagle positions under the boom of a KC-135R Stratotanker during a training mission Dec. 17, 2010, over North Carolina. The F-15E is from the 335th Fighter Squadron from Seymour Johnson Air Force Base, N.C. (U.S. Air Force photo/Staff Sgt. Michael B. Keller)
H/T Marc
News...........
Electric sticker shock
Russian Duma to link missile defense to START limitations
Starting to see the truth come out about ROTC on campus?
Job #1 for Congress
A 1944 Christmas miracle for Gen. Patton
Dave Barry’s 2010 Year in Review
USA’s bumblebee population declining
Council crematorium plans to freeze-dry or dissolve bodies in sci-fi bid to be more environmentally friendly
New RAF helmet allows pilots to shoot down enemy jets by looking at them
Iran invites EU, Russia and China to tour nuclear sites
British consulate employees in Jerusalem linked to terror attack
Sangin insurgents agree to stand up to Taliban
China's next president "redder than the red"
Man who jumped out of window saved by New York garbage
Ivory Coast 'street general' calls off Golf Hotel assault
Escaped Penguin Ends Up in Lion Enclosure
and finally.......
Your 100 favorite women of 2010
Awesome Celebrity Candids of 2010
