If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May,you may live in Canada .
If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you may live in Canada .
If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you may live in Canada
If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you may live in Canada
If "Vacation" means going anywhere south of Muncie for the weekend, you may live in Canada .
If you measure distance in hours, you may live in Canada
If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you may live in Canada
If you have switched from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again, you may live in Canada
If you can drive 90 kms/hr through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you may live in Canada
If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked, you may live in Canada
If you carry jumpers in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you may live in Canada
If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you may live in Canada
If the speed limit on the highway is 80km -- you're going 90 and everybody is passing you, you may live in Canada
If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you may live in Canada
If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you may live in Canada
If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car, you may live in Canada .
If you find 2 degrees "a little chilly", you may live in Canada
H/T Pete Hurrell a Brit in Canada. Incidentally some of my happiest times were spent in Canada.
Monday, 14 January 2008
Forget Rednecks, here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about Canucks....
They obviously didn't like the room service....
Taleban attack Kabul luxury hotel. Sadly there have been casualties among the good guys. This is one of the most heavily guarded hotels in the world!
Al Qaeda Is Building a White Army of Terror. Time to brush off the treason laws. Tip: buy shares in a gallows manufacturer.
Jenna Jameson is retiring......
..retiring is not a word I would have used to describe her!!
Jenna Jameson stunned everyone at the AVN (Adult Video News) Awards by announcing her retirement from the porn industry. "Honesty is key, I will never ever ever spread my legs again in this industry. Ever!"
An Aussie Party - Australia
16 year old holds party for hundreds of kids while parents are on holiday. Hot newsgirl.
News of sorts....
Muslim PC laughs off Secret Santa gift of bacon... but bosses force friend who gave it to quit. Oh for f**ks sake. 9 am on a Monday and I am already fed up with this country.
Flooding fear after parts of Britain are hit with a month's rainfall in 24 hours. If they will build houses on flood plains!
UK bins £8bn of food each year, study claims. Welcome to a greedy self-centered and selfish society.
Town's last fishing boat fights tide and time. EU membership has destroyed our fishing and screwed up aoy farming. We need to restore the 12 mile limit and ban all foreign trawlers from our waters.
Dubya sends expert to Mid-East conference....
...why does he look like Blair?
H/T
The Elephant Bar via Nebraska Bob
Poll Result...personally I think we will attack Iran this year.
Thought for the day.......................
Calling an illegal alien an "undocumented immigrant" is like calling a drug dealer an "unlicensed pharmacist?
H/T Ian Hunter
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THE GEOGRAPHY OF WOMEN
Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild, fertile, and naturally beautiful!
Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe, well developed and open to trade, especially for someone with cash.
Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain, very hot, relaxed, and convinced of her own beauty.
Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece, gently aging, but still a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain, with a glorious and all conquering past.
Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel, has been through war and doesn't make the same mistakes twice; takes care of business.
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada, self-preserving but open to meeting new people.
After 70, she becomes Tibet, wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages...only those with an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge visit there.
THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN.
Between 1 and 70, a man is like Iran , ruled by a prick.
H/T Shelly
A five-year-old boy and his grandfather are sitting on the front porch together, when grandpa pulled a beer out of the cooler. The little boy asked, "Grandpa, can I have a beer?" Grandpa replied, "Can your pecker touch your ass?" The little boy answered, "No Grandpa, it's just a little pecker!" Grandpa said, "Then you're not man enough to have a beer."
A little later Grandpa lit up a cigar. The little boy asked, "Grandpa, can I have a cigar?" Once again, Grandpa asked, "Can your pecker touch your ass?" The little boy answered "no," again. Grandpa said, "Then you're not man enough to have a cigar."
A little later, the boy came out of the house with some cookies and milk. Grandpa asked, "Can I have a cookie?" The boy asked, "Can your pecker touch your ass?" Grandpa replied, "Hell yeah, my pecker can touch my ass!"
The boy replied, "Then go f**k yourself! Grandma made these for me."
H/T Canis 61
Sunday, 13 January 2008
Senator Hillary Clinton and former Attorney General Janet Reno were having one of those girl-to-girl talks, and Hillary said to Janet,
"You're lucky that you don't have to put up with men seeking sex with you. I have to put up with Bill, and there is no telling where he was last."
Janet responded, "Just because I am aesthetically challenged does not mean I don't have to fight off occasional unwelcome advances."
Hillary asks, "Well, how do you deal with the problem?"
Janet: "Whenever I feel that a guy is getting ready to make a pass at me, I muster all my might, tense, and squeeze to break wind as loud and hard as I can."
That night, Bill was already in bed with the lights out when Hillary slipped into bed. She could hear him start to stir, and knew that he would be wanting some action. She had been saving gas all day long and was ready for him. She tensed up and forced out the most disgusting sound you could imagine.
Bill rolled over and said, "Janet, is that you?"
H/T Mark Scott
Will Blair's policy ideas work in the Levant?
You cannot negotiate with people like this, but you can bomb them back to the stone age!!
ASBO Definition: Anti-Social Behaviour Order - a kind of diploma for budding British criminals. One of Blair's more laughable ideas. Should go down a storm in Gaza.
The Growing Storm....
Bush warns of dangers from Iran. I my opinion we have to act before the end of August. Once the US elections get going proper in Sept it will probably be too late. Dubya cannot afford (God forbid) to leave this problem in the hands of a Democrat. Neither Obama or Hillary can be trusted with foreign policy and the fate of the west may hinge on how soon Iran is confronted and taken down. If the Chinese and Russians get in the way, and they will, tough. Putin is a corrupt little bully-boy and the Chinese have growing dissent amongst the rural poor so let's stir things up for them at home. That is assuming that our various 'intelligence' agencies can find Russia and China on a map!! If we do nothing then it's.......
Smart or stoopid....
Take the test. You need to be quick on the mouse. Only take it once.
H/T Pete Hurrell
The Sunday Best....
Bin Laden's son wants British visa - so he and his grandmother bride can live in Cheshire and have a surrogate baby. If he tells us where Grand-Dad is holed up we will think about it!!
Hotel chief: British staff are unemployable compared to bright, smiling and hardworking Poles. A sad indictment of modern Britain.
Hillary Clinton faces recount over rival's 'vote rig' claims. Highly probable. The Clintons and honesty have yet to be formally introduced.
Fury as minister brands army kit shortage complaints 'absolute bollocks' in obscene Commons outburst. Ship the asshole out to Afghanistan for 6 months and let him see for himself.
What next for Blair ... Viscount Dodgy of Dossier? I would love to see his and his wifes tax returns!!
Army hero left to die by failings at MoD. It is time for the MOD to be called to account for their constant failings. Heads must roll.
Dirt begins to fly at Obama. This is going to get nasty.
Iran’s Revolutionary Guard in secret Iraq talks with US. We should have IED'd the bastard.
Anti-war Soros funded Iraq study. He needs a bloody good slap.
This has been my perfect week. Clarkypoos on the Eco-nazis.
Mazda MX-5 It’s far too cool for you, Mr Footballer
Muslim girl afraid of forced marriage was murdered, says coroner. What a 'nice' religion Islam is.
THE YEARS BEST (ACTUAL) HEADLINES FOR 2007 part 1
Crack Found on Governor's Daughter
[Imagine that!]
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[No, really?]
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
[Now that's taking things a bit far!]
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
[What a guy!]
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
[No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so!]
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
[See if that works any better than a fair trial!]
War Dims Hope for Peace
[I can see where it might have that effect!]
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
[You think?]
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
[Who would have thought!]
H/T Shelly
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Saturday, 12 January 2008
Scrapyard Challenge For British Troops.
The British Army can no longer afford to buy new military vehicles. Instead, British troops fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan are now being given vehicles made from bits and pieces from the Army scrapyard.
We need new kit not canabalised old stuff, no matter how good it is.
Slow news day...
Edmund Hillary: A very special hero inspired by noble courage. Max Hastings on the great man.
How Hillary Clinton made a pact with the devil for political power.
Terror plot to blow up Eiffel Tower uncovered Any excuse for this...
Children of 16 may be given the vote. Oh bloody marvellous. A bunch if illiterate brats screwing things up.
Parking rules 'could spell chaos'. More bloody taxes.
Make junkies pay for hospital treatment. Excellent idea.
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Friday, 11 January 2008
Bedtime Totty...
..I am restoring my laptop back to factory fresh so have this little cutie to keep yourselves amused. Will let you know how it goes. Still have the big bugger so blogging will continue.
Airlines....
A man was sitting in the bar at Heathrow Terminal 3 and noticed a really beautiful woman sitting next to him.
He thought to himself . 'Wow, she's so gorgeous she must be an air hostess. I wonder which airline she works for?'
Hoping to pick her up, he leaned towards her and uttered the Delta Airline slogan . 'Love to fly and it shows?'
She gave him a blank, confused stare and he immediately thought to himself 'Well, she obviously doesn't work for Delta.'
A moment later, another slogan popped into his head. So he leaned towards her again and said, 'Something special in the air?'
She gave him the same confused look. He mentally kicked himself and scratched Singapore Airlines off his list.
He thought 'Perhaps she works for Thai Airways ...' and said, 'Smooth as Silk?'
This time, the woman turned to him and said, 'What the f**k do you want?'
The man smiled, slumped back in his chair and said . 'Ahhhhh,Ryanair!'
H/T Liz B
