Thursday, 17 January 2008
News....
Get this evil off our streets. Hang the scum and their parents.
The Clintons try to take down Barack Obama. Someone had better stop them.
US defence chief sparks row after blasting British troops in Afghanistan for lack of 'experience'. The man is a fool. Admittedly some of our so called 'NATO Allies' are bloody pathetic but insulting the British Army is out of order and he should apologise.
He should watch this....
Lesbian soldier's sex harassment victory to cost MoD £400,000. Effing pathetic. The MOD is a joke.
Pupils at private school discover their teacher in 'shocking soft-porn' advert on YouTube And you can see it below....
Ministers ditch the phrase 'war on terror'. Maybe they would prefer the term Islamic War!!
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Electile Dysfunction:
"The inability to become aroused over any of the choices for president put forth by either party in the 2008 election year."
And if you have an electile and actually like one of the candidates for longer than four hours, see a doctor.
H/T Shelly
It's your First Kiss and several questions might come to mind:
Is it the right time?
Is anyone watching?
Does your partner even want to?
Is your breath fresh?
AND,---Should you use some tongue?
Then you say . . .
'What the heck!' and Just Go for it!!! 
H/T Don Emslie
Oh how true....
H/Ts Thomas Harris and Shelly
One Sunday morning, everyone in one bright, beautiful, tiny town got up early and went to the local church.
Before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking about their lives, their families, etc. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon everyone was evacuated from the church, except for Bill Clinton who sat calmly in his pew, not moving... seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to Bill and said, "Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
Satan asked, "Aren't you afraid of me?"
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"
Bill calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 30 years."
H/T Nebraska Bob
Wednesday, 16 January 2008
Bully-boy Putin up to his old tricks....
Russia warned over 'intimidation'. Mad Vlad is becoming a pain in the neck!!
Why women don't take men on holiday......
...to be fair my worst holidays have all involved girlfriends.
H/T Casasquirrels
BANNED FROM WALMART ...........
This is why women should not take men shopping against their will. DON'T TAKE ME IF I DON'T WANT TO GO...........
After Mr. and Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her husband accompany her on her trips to WalMart.
Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men-- he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.
Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women-- she loved to browse. One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from her local Wal-Mart.
Dear Mrs. Fenton,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and m ay be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House Wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in House Wares. Get on it right away.'
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.
8. September 23: When a clerk asked if t hey cou l d help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.
12. December 6: In the auto depa rtment, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least .
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'
Regards,
Walmart
H/T Jeffrey Nihart
News.....
Nice puppies!!
Gordon Brown condemns 'incompetent' Hain as he begs watchdogs to spare Minister in donations row. He is therefore unfit to be a minister. Sack him immeadiately.
TV presenter awarded £2,000 compensation for arrest following 'one-legged, lesbian lorry driver' speech. Good sense at last.
A third jail for foreigners is planned as just 111 accept Government 'bribe' to go home. Shut the borders and start deporting. We are now full. And while we are at it we should deport some of the workshy slackers clogging up the benefits system.
Fee-paying schools must take poor pupils. Why? More socialist rubbish. Let's all be as thick as a liberal.
House prices drop 'at fastest rate in 15 years'. My heart bleeds.
US wants stronger terror checks on travellers from Europe. Don't blame them. Europe is heading towards calamity.
Outcry as Muslim Marks & Spencer worker refuses to sell book on Christianity, calling it unclean. Deportation for this one.
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly."
The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"
The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... The one that's red and has thorns."
"Do you mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"
H/T Jeffrey Nihart
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This is for all you history buffs.
It was March 6, 1836. On that fateful day, Davy Crockett woke up and rose from his bunk on the main floor of the Alamo where 183 men waited to do battle. He then walked up to the observation post along the west wall of this fort. William B. Travis and Jim Bowie were already there, looking out over the top of the wall. These three great men gazed at the horde of over 7000 Mexicans moving steadily toward them.
With a puzzled look on his face, Crockett turned to Bowie and said, "Jim,are we having some landscaping done today?"
H/T Nebraska Bob
Tuesday, 15 January 2008
Quote of the day....
" I know that there are still Trotskyites out there because I travel with the media on the bus....!" John McCain
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world..' Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'
H/T Liz B
UNITED AIRLINES LOW APPROACH IN FRANKFURT
This was a retirement flight of the captain. It was filmed from the tower.
Nice fun for the captain, the passengers and the atc controller.
News and views....
Cameron vows to scrap MPs' gold-plated pensions in bid to restore voter confidence. Good! Make the freeloading pondlife work for a living like the rest of us, and then have to survive on the state pension.
The birds that will flee Britain because of the changing climate - complete and utter piffle.
Tory baroness, 84, uses handbag to whack cyclist who jumped a red light. Give the old girl a Glock!!
Guantanamo clouds George Bush's Saudi visit. When Shoddy Arabia stop funding terror and promoting Wahabism they can have a say. Until then they are just another bunch of 'tame' Arabs whose usefulness is limited. Without US support the House of Saud would be toast.
Revealed: £1 billion Olympics black hole. It just gets better and better...
Clintons forced into damage limitation tactics. They are going down smelling of......
My best one yet!! No apologies for reposting.
Squandered oil bonanza may bring down Iranian President. If a couple of Iran's oil refineries were to accidentally catch fire they will really be in the s**t.
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A Thing of Beauty.....
Damascus Double Barrel shotgun. This is a beautiful double barrel shotgun by Mortimer. It has been completely restored to like new condition.
Feel free to buy it HERE
H/T Canis 61
FIREARMS REFRESHER COURSE
1. An armed man is a citizen. An unarmed man is a victim.
2. A gun in the hand is better than a cop on the phone.
3. Colt: The original point and click interface.
4. Gun control is not about guns; it's about control.
5. If guns are outlawed, can we use swords?
6. If guns cause crime, then pencils cause misspelled words.
7. Free men do not ask permission to bear arms.
8. If you don't know your rights, you don't have any..
9. Those who trade liberty for security have neither.
10. The United States Constitution (c)1791. All Rights Reserved.
11. What part of 'shall not be infringed' do you not understand?
12. The Second Amendment is in place in case the politicians ignore the others.
13. 64,999,987 firearms owners killed no one yesterday.
H/T Canis 61
Monday, 14 January 2008
We invented the hovercraft, yet we have none.....
...ok the Royal Marines have some itty bitty ones but nothing in this league.
THE YEARS BEST (ACTUAL) HEADLINES FOR 2007 part 2
Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
[They may be on to something!]
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
[You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?]
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
[he probably IS the battery charge!] < /P>
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
[Weren't they fat enough?!]
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas
in Spacecraft
[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
[Taste like chicken?]
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!]
And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
H/T Shelly
