Monday, 2 June 2008
Re: Stats...
I have decided to make our Sitemeter stats public. We seem to be bumbling along quite nicely. While we are not the biggest blog out there by along way we seem to be attracting a steady readership. I would like to take this opportunity to thank all our readers for stopping by and hope that we can continue to provide a spot of fun to brighten your day. If anyone has any suggestions as to how to take this blog to the next level please leave a comment.
Article of the Day....
Labor Pains in London. A quick summary of politics in Britain today.
H/T Shelly
A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"
She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them.
Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."
To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN $200?"
H/T Thomas Harris
A spot of poetry....
WOMANS LOVE POEM
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, he won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.
MAN'S LOVE POEM
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a bar on a golf course,
and loves to send me fishing and hunting. This doesn't rhyme and I don't care.
H/T Nebraska Bob
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Some insults to start the week....
"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating
"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." - Jack E.Leonard
"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." - Robert Redford
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West
H/T Shelly
News.....
You can't preach the Bible here, this is a Muslim area. Last I heard this was a Christian Country.
Struggling Bradford & Bingley receives £430m cash rescue. So they have had to go bowler hat in hand have they!!
Third World migrants behind our 2.3m population boom. No wonder we have become a Third World country.
Scientists find ice on Mars. But have they found the Bacardi?
Labour crisis: Gordon Brown 'diverts rural aid to bribe voters'. And rural Britain will make him pay for it.
Afghan insurgents 'on brink of defeat'. We must continue to hit them 'til they are destroyed. I can see the politicians cutting back troop numbers to save money allowing the Taleban to regroup.
Pope avoids Iran's Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Nice sidestep.
Robert Mugabe arrests opposition leaders. Someone must nail this bastard.
Athens' deserted Games sites a warning to London Olympics. The Olympics are going to ruin us.
Stiff upper lip best way to deal with shock. Of course it is. None of this blubbing on some councellors shoulder.
Zimbabwean migrants who sought new life limp back into Robert Mugabe's arms. I think that we will find that Mbeki and the ANC were behind the attacks on the Zimbabweans.
'I trust the Clintons will do the right thing', says Barack Obama. A) never trust the Clintons and B) the Clintons have never done the right thing.
Mugabe at food summit 'obscene'. Someone shoot his plane down. And incidentally why is this being reported in Oz and not here?
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EU Directive No. 456179/954PE/762 EU/UK Section II Sub Section iii [b]:
In order to meet the conditions for joining the Single European currency, all citizens of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland must be made aware that the phrase
'Spending a penny' is not to be used after 31st May 2008.
From this date, the correct terminology will be: 'Euronating'.
Thank you for your attention.
H/T Joker
Sunday, 1 June 2008
Steyn writes....
Sexism, not Obama, beat Hillary. Or how mankind is going to have a shortage of womenfolk.
H/T Nebraska Bob
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Best Scottish Short Joke?
A bloke walks into a Glasgow library and says to the prim librarian, 'Excuse me Miss, dey ye hiv ony books on suicide?'
To which she stops doing her tasks, looks at him over the top of her glasses and says, 'Fook off, ye'll no bring it back!'
H/T Joker
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The Sunday Best.......
The great rice crisis: Rationing at UK supermarkets as world prices soar 70 per cent. It looks like higher food prices are here to stay. I think 'growing your own' is going to take off next year.
How the Masters of the Universe are murdering the middle class by gambling on black gold. Something needs to be done about this.
Beemergency! A mystery plague threatens Britain's bees and the result could be worse than foot and mouth. The Government need to bung some money at trying to find a solution to this. But they won't.
Gun-toting Prince William to battle the cocaine pirates of the Caribbean with the Royal Navy. Or something like that.
Betrayed: Kirkcaldy sub-postmaster writes blistering letter to PM over closure of thousands of post offices. And a great letter it is too. Worth a read.
Foreign trucks set to flood Britain's roads as Brussels passes new law. I do not think that Britain's hauliers are going to take this lying down.
The Queen says a fond farewell as QE2 sails into history. At least she will live on. That other Falklands vet the Canberra was scrapped.
Nepal's new republic puts Gurkhas at risk. We should open our doors the these people. They and their families deserve the right to move here which is more than can be said for most of our immigrants.
Afghanistan's first national park has landmines. It's one way to keep the tourists out!!
Hillary Clinton to be offered dignified exit. Does it involve brandy, a revolver and a library?
Fuel rage shows there's no mileage left in Gordon Brown's Labour government. It is time that Labour were put out of their misery.
MPs use expenses to avoid petrol pinch. What do you expect from the self-serving swine.
Al-Qaeda virtually beaten in Iraq, says CIA. Good news. The only thing wrong with this story is it comes from the CIA who aren't generally known for their 'intelligence'.
Argh! I’ve fallen into a speed trap. Clarkypoos gets himself in trouble.
How the car-mad Clarksons gave the world the Paddington Bear doll. Clarkypoos' mummy on life and Paddington.
Kia Sedona 2.9 CRDi TS. A seriously bad car.
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Golf Club in Scottsdale, Arizona
Here is an actual sign posted at a golf club in Scottsdale , Arizona :
1. BACK STRAIGHT, KNEES BENT, FEET SHOULDER WIDTH APART.
2. FORM A LOOSE GRIP.
3. KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN!
4. AVOID A QUICK BACK SWING.
5. STAY OUT OF THE WATER.
6. TRY NOT TO HIT ANYONE.
7. IF YOU ARE TAKING TOO LONG, LET OTHERS GO AHEAD OF YOU.
8. DON'T STAND DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF OTHERS.
9. QUIET PLEASE... WHILE OTHERS ARE PREPARING.
10. DON'T TAKE EXTRA STROKES.
WELL DONE. NOW, FLUSH THE URINAL, GO OUTSIDE, & TEE OFF.
H/T Shelly
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