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Saturday, 13 December 2008
SOMALIAN PIRATES ANNOUNCE 30 REDUNDANCIES
In a further sign of the global economic downturn, Somalian pirates have been forced to reduce headcount.
Analysts blame the reduction in retail activity, which in turn has led to less goods being shipped past their top secret hidden pirate base ( in the port of Eyl in Somalia, warehouse B ).
'This has been a difficult decision” commented a one-eyed gang leader, “But we need to realign our structure to cope with worsening market conditions. Arr.”
One pirate, who wished to remain anonymous, said: “This is going to hit my family hard. My only income so far this year has been $400,000 in ransom money. There just isn't any piracy work here now. I'll have to become a plumber. I've heard it pays really well. Arr.”
The IUP ( International Union of Pirates ) has today pledged to lobby governments worldwide to ensure more boats are sent past Somalia, to avoid the death of what was once a booming industry. “Some pirate gangs are not complying with the current employment regulations” said a one-legged union spokesman “when we negotiated for severance packages we meant cash not limbs. It’s just not good enough. Arr.”
H/T DML
Commandos Caught In a Firefight,Dramatic Rescue Earns Silver Star
Dramatic video of U.S. troops caught in a firefight in Afghanistan.
Source: CNN
more here
Friday, 12 December 2008
Video and song of the Day....
..the new and official video for 'There's no one as Irish as Barack Obama' by my friends The Corrigans. What ever your feelings on Barack it is a great song and is being officially released as a single today. See sidebar for how to get it from i-Tunes
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Rules for buying men presents...
Rule 1: When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.
Rule 2: If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. No one knows why.
Rule 3: If you are really short of money, buy him anything for his car. A 50 cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or something to hang from the rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.
Rule 4: Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to Boy Scouts or some other such organisation. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8" nylon rope. No one knows why.
Rule 5: A new TV remote control to replace the one he has lost. If you have a lot of money buy him the latest all-singing, all-dancing widescreen TV. Watch the smile on his face as he flicks, and flicks, and flicks.
Rule 6: Label makers are nearly as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. Men really enjoy using these. No one knows why.
Rule 7: Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on the box. He will be too preoccupied to speak to you for hours and he will always have parts left over.
Rule 8: Men enjoy danger. That's why they love to barbecue. Get him a big gas barbecue. Tell him the gas line leaks. Such excitement! Who wants a hamburger?"
Rule 9: Tickets to a football match are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to "Creative Flower Arranging for Beginners." Everyone knows why.
Rule 10: Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chainsaw. If you don't know why - please refer to Rule 6 and what happens when he gets a label maker.
Rule 11: It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminium extension ladder. Never buy a real man a step ladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why!
H/T DML
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Bettie Page will be sadly missed.....
You can click this one.
Bettie Page, 1950s pin-up queen, has died.
Light News...
Don't mention the economy! Diplomatic war erupts as Germans savage Brown's 'reckless' recovery plan. It seems that Jerry is now the official opposition in the UK because the Tories are doing f**k all.
Jacqui Smith boasts about knife crime crackdown... but where are the figures to prove it? She is the mostdishonest of all the ministers, and that is no mean achievement.
Gordon Brown 'target of suicide bomb attack'. Who would want to kill dear old Gordon?
Robert Mugabe claims 'there is no cholera' in Zimbabwe. He is doomed.
Secret 'EU President' talks begin as Ireland agrees to vote again. Once again the Bastards in Brussels try to 'conquer' Europe through the back door.
Taleban tax: allied supply convoys pay their enemies for safe passage. WTF!!!!
Armed Services take first big hit in public spending. Once again our forces are betrayed by the REMFs at the MoD and the socialist scum running Britain.
Allies seek power to pursue Somali pirates on land and sea. F**k the UN. Just go after them.
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A nice old story that will make you appreciate family.
My grandmother died in the 50s, but her birthday is coming up, and that always causes me to reminisce. The long walks we used to take to the store in town, the quarters she gave me for meaningless jobs like pulling weeds or washing the sidewalk...
Those gems were all good, but the one I remember most, the jewel in the crown of grandmotherly advice, occurred when I was only about 13. We were sitting in a park having just finished collecting some 40 soda bottles for the deposit money on a beautiful spring day.
She told me that one day, I would find a wonderful woman and start my own family. 'And always remember this thing,' she said. 'Be sure you marry a
woman with small hands.'
'How come, Grandma?' I asked her.
She answered in her soft Newfoundland voice.
'Makes your dick look bigger.'
Kinda brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?
H/T Old Dude
Thursday, 11 December 2008
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Wine Sayings...
“Remember gentlemen, it’s not just France we are fighting for, it’s Champagne!”Winston Churchill
“I have lived temperately. I double the doctor’s recommendation of a glass and a half of wine a day and even treble it with a friend.”Thomas Jefferson
“If God forbade drinking, would he have made wine so good?”
Cardinal Richelieu
“Wine is the drink of the gods, milk the drink of babies, tea the drink of women and water the drink of beasts.”
John Stuart Blackie
“Let us have wine and women, mirth and laughter, Sermons and soda-water the day after.”Lord Byron, Don Juan
“There are two things a Highlander likes naked, and one of them is malt whisky.”
Scottish proverb
“You have only so many bottles in your life, never drink a bad one.”
Len Evans
“It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend; one’s present or future thirst; the excellence of the wine; or any other reason.”
Latin saying
“The best use of bad wine is to drive away poor relations.”
French proverb
“The discovery of a wine is of greater moment than the discovery of a constellation. The universe is too full of stars.”Benjamin Franklin
H/T Old Dude
Tech Support......
Tech support: 'What kind of computer do you have?'
Female customer:'A white one...'
..........................................................
Tech support: 'Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.'
Customer: 'Your left or my left?'
..........................................................
Tech support: 'Good day. How may I help you?'
Male customer: 'Hello... I can't print.'
Tech support: 'Would you click on 'start' for me and...'
Customer: 'Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.'
..........................................................
Customer: 'I have problems printing in red...'
Tech support: 'Do you have a colour printer?'
Customer: 'Aaaah....................thank you.'
..........................................................
Tech support: 'What's on your monitor now, ma'am?'
Customer: 'A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at Woolies.'
H/T Rodney
Top Toys.....
...this is an intersting list and I am sure everyone has a favorite or one they think has been missed out.
Borrowed from
The Strong Museum of Play
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