H/T Peter Gunn
Monday, 15 December 2008
The Second Coming....
A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor. The doctor says, “OK, Mrs. Jones, what’s the problem?”
The mother says, “It’s my daughter, Darla. She keeps getting these cravings, she’s putting on weight, and she’s sick most mornings.”
The doctor gives Darla a thorough examination, then turns to the mother and says, “Well, I don’t know how to tell you this, but your Darla is pregnant — about four months would be my guess.”
The mother says, “Pregnant?!? She can’t be. She has never even been left alone with a man! Have you Darla?”
Darla says, “No mother! I’ve never even kissed a man!”
The doctor walks over to the window and just stares out of it. About five minutes pass and finally the mother says, “Is there something wrong out there, doctor?”
The doctor replies, “No, not really. It’s just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the East and three wise men came over the hill. I’ll be darned if I’m going to miss it this time!”
H/T DML
Sunday, 14 December 2008
Great Orators of the Democratic Party...
'One man with courage makes a majority.' - Andrew Jackson
'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.' - Franklin D. Roosevelt
'The buck stops here.' - Harry S. Truman
'Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country.' - John F. Kennedy
And for today's democrats...
'It depends what your definition of 'IS' is?' - Bill Clinton
'That Obama - I would like to cut his NUTS off.' - Jesse Jackson
'Those rumors are false .... I believe in the sanctity of marriage.' - John Edwards
'I invented the Internet' - Al Gore
'The next Person that tells me I'm not religious, I'm going to shove my rosary beads up their ***.' - Joe Biden
'America is--is no longer, uh, what it--it, uh, could be, uh what it was once was...uh, and I say to myself, 'uh, I don't want that future, uh, uh for my children.' '' - Barack Obama
'I have campaigned in all 57 states.' - Barack Obama
'You don't need God anymore, you have us democrats.' - Nancy Pelosi (said back in 2006)
'Bill is the greatest husband and father I know. No one is more faithful, true, and honest than he.' - Hillary Clinton (said back in 1998)
H/T Shelly
The Sunday Best....
Man, 50, accused of using squirt gun to spray fox urine on teen pranksters. Great idea. Let's try it on Brown. Tally Ho.
The sea eagle, extinct in Britain, could soar again over Norfolk. Cool.
Hilary Benn: The UK should not look solely to British farmers to feed the nation. Wanker! Britain must be self-sufficient food production. We should only import those foods that we cannot grow here.
Army hit by crisis as hundreds of troops quit to save marriages. You can hardly blame them. Labour has cut our forces too much. Not enough troops or kit to go round.
General Gordon does a Churchill (But Winston's enraged grandson says: 'you aren't fit to lick his boots'). Brown is a disgrace. If he were a horse he would be shot.
It's the only new steam train in 40 years...Nice to know we can still make something.
Nude Virgin Mary cover prompts Playboy apology. Some people are too sensitive.
£130 million refurbishment bill for Jack Straw's new offices. Why do we continue so show surprise at stuff like this? We know what a bunch of worthless pricks Labour are.
Mumbai attacks: How Indian-born Islamic militants are trained in Pakistan. Most 'terrorists' seem to be trained in Pakistan at the moment.
Why Eurocrats believe that No to EU treaty is the Irish for Yes. They will not stop until they get their way. They need to be chopped down to size.
Pakistan 'linked to 75% of all UK terror plots', warns Gordon Brown. So why don't we ban flights from Pakistan?
Senate scandal snares Obama’s chief aide. Fact: Democrats are dishonest and always have been.
Silenced - the sharpest voice against Mugabe. And still we do nothing.
The Clarkypoos Bit
The BBC’s letting loonies gag me with mink knickers.
Volvo XC60.
and James May
Why men are so keen to mess up the kitchen.
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Thought for the Day...
"Life's tough......It's even tougher if you're stupid." - John Wayne
H/T Peter Gunn
Farm Humour....
A man from a neighboring ranch knocked at the door. A young boy, about 9, opened the door.
'Is yer Dad home?' the rancher asked
'No sir, he ain't,' the boy replied. 'He went into town.'
'Well,' said the rancher, 'Is yer Mom here?'
'No, sir, she ain't here neither. She went into town with Dad.'
'How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?'
'He went with Mom and Dad.'
The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.
'Is there anything I can do fer ya?' the boy asked politely 'I know where all the tools are, if you want to borry one. Or maybe I could take a message fer Dad.'
'Well,' said the rancher uncomfortably, 'I really wanted to talk to yer Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Pearly Mae, pregnant.'
The boy considered for a moment. 'You would have to talk to Pa about that', he finally conceded.
'If it helps you any, I know that Pa charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the hog, but I really don't know how much he gets fer Howard.'
H/T Shelly
Saturday, 13 December 2008
At last, the answer to the question most asked in America!!!
FINALLY,
HERE IT IS.
THE ANSWER TO
THE QUESTION WE
HAVE ALL BEEN
HEARING AND
ASKING FOR SO
MANY YEARS!
AND THE ANSWER IS:
YES! 
H/T Shelly
What is a Cat?
1. Cats do what they want.
2. They rarely listen to you.
3. They’re totally unpredictable.
4. When you want to play, they want to be alone.
5. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
6. They expect you to cater to their every whim.
7. They’re moody.
8. They leave hair everywhere.
CONCLUSION: They’re tiny women in little fur coats.
H/T DML
Light News...
Armour: It's alive. Why don't we have this?
Iron Man Is Jewish. Or this.
Postmen sabotage Christmas: 'Cynical' union orders strike on the busiest day of the year. Trotskyite Rabble. Any postman that goes on strike should be sacked. The way the economy is going there will be plenty of people willing to replace them.
Manchester voters give a resounding NO to Britain's biggest congestion charging zone. Did they really think that people would vote yes!
Man told to wait 11 years for knee replacement. The NHS is an expensive joke.
CV-22s Complete 1st Operational Deployment. Something else we won't get.
Jacqui Smith warns of influx of Zimbabwean refugees into Britain in wake of cholera epidemic. Zimbabwean are more welcome than Jacqui Smith and her ilk.
Bomber Command Memorial Fund reaches £750,000. Great news. A memorial is long overdue.
Mugabe claims cholera was released by the British. Will someone kindly shoot the nutter.
Emergency rescue plan for British motor industry. What motor industry? It's all owned by foreigners.
SAS to take on Taleban 'decapitation' mission after leaving Iraq. Go get 'em.
Victims of Zimbabwean diamond crackdown to be dumped in mass grave. Need anymore reasons why we should send in troops.
Secret rocket-ball weapon may be effective against WMD facilities. Cor!
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