The Appleseed Project. It is a project by the RWVA (Revolutionary War Veterans Association) that has a goal of creating a nation of Riflemen.
H/T Kirby
Sunday, 21 December 2008
Site of the Day....
You can plot your life by the four stages of Santa Claus:
1. You believe in Santa Claus.
2. You don’t believe in Santa Claus.
3. You are Santa Claus.
4. You look like Santa Claus.
H/T DML
Trip to the Urologist..........
I went to see a urologist the other day. Turned out to be a female.
Best looking woman I ever saw..truly sexy.
She told me I had to stop masturbating.
I asked why?
She said "Cause I am trying to examine you"
H/T Shelly
Saturday, 20 December 2008
Japanese Bubble Car..... clever little thing.
...it helps if you speak Japanese, well I think it's Japanese.
H/T Jeffrey Nihart
Brown's New Wheeze....Penis Taxation''
The only thing that the Inland Revenue has not yet taxed is the male penis. This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 30% of the time it is hard up, 20% of the time it is pissed off and 10% of the time it is in the hole. On top of that, it has two dependents and they are both nuts.
Effective January 1st, 2009 your penis will be taxed according to size. The brackets are as follows:
10″- 12″ Luxury Tax……….£30.00
8″- 10″ Pole Tax………….£25.00
5″- 8″ Privilege Tax………£15.00
4″- 5″ Nuisance Tax……….£3.00
Males exceeding 12″ must file under capital gains. Anyone under 4″ is eligible for a refund. PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION!!!
Sincerely,
Pecker Checker
Inland Revenue
FAQ's
- Are there penalties for early withdrawals?
- What if one’s penis is self employed?
- Do multiple partners count as a corporation?
- Are condoms a deductible expense as work clothes?
- Is there an additional tax if you are not circumcised?
H/T DML
'Twas the Night before Christmas ~ other version
Twas the night before Christmas old Santa was pissed,
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks.
I have a good mind, to scrap the whole works.
I've busted my ass for damn near a year
Instead of "Thanks Santa" what do I hear..
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night
The elves want more money and the reindeer all fight.
Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.
Donner is Pregnant Vixon has AIDS
Flying through the air, dodging the trees.
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees.
And just when I thought that things would get better,
The IRS, they sent me a letter.
They say I owe taxes. If that aint damn funny..
Who the hell ever sent Santa any money?
And the kids these days, they all are the pits.
They want the impossible, those mean little shits.
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds with no request for them
They want computers and Robots, they think I am IBM
If you think that is bad picture this..
Try holding those brats with their pants full of piss.
They pull on my nose, they grab at my beard
And if I don't smile, the parents think I'm weird
I quit this job, there is just no enjoyment
I'm going to sit on my fat ass and collect unemployment
There is NO Christmas this year Now you know the reason
I found me a blonde and heading SOUTH for the season....
H/T DML
Blogpost of the Day....
Recons May Be Tough, But Only Wimps Wear Parachutes!
The true story of John "ACE" Hunt - A Marine crew chief that fell 800 feet from his CH-46 helicopter in Vietnam, and survived.
H/T Thomas Harris
HOLIDAY EATING TIPS from Shelly.....
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost.. I mean, have some standards.
10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, Glass of wine in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"
"MERRY CHRISTMAS"
Close...
A U.S. Marine, from the 24th Marine Expeditionary Unit, has a close call after Taliban fighters opened fire near Garmser in Helmand Province of Afghanistan May 18, 2008. The Marine was not injured. (REUTERS/Goran Tomasevic)
H/T DML
Light News...
Iraqis who 'executed' British soldiers CAN face war crimes trial, judge rules. Shortly to be followed by the hangman.
'Zimbabwe will remain mine and Africa won't dare oust me,' boasts Mugabe. Famous last words...
Pictured: Desperate Chinese sailors fight off Somali pirates with beer bottles and Molotov cocktails. How hard can it be to track the pirates?
Secret of the Lusitania: Arms find challenges Allied claims it was solely a passenger ship. So the passengers were gun nuts.
Villagers shoot down advertising balloon over country park. Nice one.
New Routemaster a step closer as Boris Johnson unveils winning designs. Great to see these buses making a comeback to London.
French Army turns to reality TV for new recruits. Oh dear.
Russian warships return to Havana for first time since Soviet era. More of Putin's willy-waving.
Gordon Brown's behaviour is simply immoral. Heffer rips into Brown.
Australia opens controversial asylum centre on Christmas Island. Great idea. We could use South Georgia.
MoD 40 Years Behind With Projects. A bloody disgrace. Contractors must be held to account for the overruns.
Ecstasy over G spot therapy. Some researchers have all the fun!
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Friday, 19 December 2008
Interesting....
..the electoral commission in the UK are running ads on TV. There couldn't be an election coming! Maybe someone should ask Mr Brown.
A whole new card up one's sleeve....
Air Force Flies CV-22s to Africa and Back. Something else we won't be getting.
Bullshit of the Day....
Russia to axe some weapons if U.S. abandons shield. What! They will axe some MIG 21s and some T-34s.
H/T DML
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Light News....
As dole queues grow, 5,000 more migrants are given work visas. Labour's open door policy.
Labour's Families in Britain paper admits married parents
are best for children. Too late the damage has already been done.
Christmas pudding with all the strimmings. A Christmas Pudding Tree.
Taliban blow up lorry of Christmas turkeys for British troops. Now that is going too far. Someone give Santa a B2 and let him drop the Taleban some 'Christmas Cheer'.
South Korea denies plot to kill Kim Jong-Il. You can't kill a corpse.
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