H/T Killem
Monday, 23 February 2009
Deport the Bum....
Guantanamo 'Briton' Arrives Back In UK. He was up to no good when arrested. Nice 'innocent' little boys don't get arrested for having false passports in Pakistan. Just watch the liberal media try and portray him as a 'victim'.
Gateway Pundit has the latest.
WTF!!!
Boy Killed Anally When Office Chair Explodes. Am now checking where my chair was made.
H/T DML
Lincoln and Obama are very much alike:
1. Lincoln placed his hand on the Bible for his inauguration. Obama used the same Bible.
2. Lincoln came from Illinois . Obama comes from Illinois .
3. Lincoln served in the Illinois Legislature. Obama served in the Illinois Legislature.
4. Lincoln had very little experience before becoming President. Obama had very little experience before becoming President.
5. Lincoln rode the train from Philadelphia to Washington for his inauguration. Obama rode the train from Philadelphia to Washington for his inauguration.
6. Lincoln was a skinny lawyer Obama is a skinny lawyer.
7. Lincoln was a Republican. Obama is a skinny lawyer.
8. Lincoln was highly respected. Obama is a skinny lawyer.
9. Lincoln was born in the United States . Obama is a skinny lawyer.
10. Lincoln was called Honest Abe. Obama is a skinny lawyer.
H/T Peter Gunn
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News.....
Not so smooth: Gordon Brown puckers up for awkward embrace with Germany's Angela Merkel. OMFG!!
New jobs bloodbath as Royal Bank of Scotland prepares to axe 30,000. Don't expect sympathy from here.
Russian Warship Sinks Chinese Freighter. They 'junked' it!!!
Police fear mass protests and a 'summer of rage' in response to economic crisis. Not if the government has been replaced.
Revealed: Number of British soldiers suffering 'life-changing' injuries in Afghanistan has doubled. The MoD are not very good with the 'truth'.
Van firm LDV owned by Russian oligarch Oleg Deripaska 'wants £40m' in Government aid. Anyone else not surprised at Mandy Pandy's involvement?
EU quangos costing us all £1.8bn called 'not fit for purpose'. All quango's should be abolished. Not one serves a useful purpose except providing 'jobs for the boys'.
Queen Mother immortalised in bronze as memorial statue is finally ready to be unveiled. Good. The old bird deserves a nice statue.
£500 billion bail-out to insure banks' bad debt. And where exactly is this load of cash coming from? Using future taxpayers money (in the form of borrowing) to pay off the present taxpayers debts is crazy and possibly suicidal.
Video showing dog on bicycle becomes YouTube hit. Just proves that people will watch anything. The video is at least 2 years old and has taken all this time to become popular.
Barack Obama pledges to cut US deficit in half by end of first term. Dream on!
China prepares to buy up foreign oil companies. Bad idea. China will hold the world to ransom.
RAF bomber delayed by concrete farce. More gross incompetence.
The Cambridge chaplain fighting fanaticism by radio in Pakistan's Swat valley. Brave man.
Back to the melee of sweat, blood and dust of the Khyber Pass. It has always been a troublesome place.
2,000 apprentices to be taken on across public services. More public sector non-jobs. Labour is using jobs to buy votes.
Shoestring budget for Robert Mugabe's big birthday bash. Let's hope it is his last.
Sound familiar?
Due to the financial crisis, we have no other alternative but to fire Andre.
H/T Rodney
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NEW OFFICE POLICY.......
To be imposed with immediate effect.......
Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the
funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to
allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the
company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
H/T M Kohl
Sunday, 22 February 2009
The Mind Boggles.....
...was this put up as a precaution or did someone actually try it.
H/T Peter Gunn
Footballers Quotes.......
Bless 'em - what would have happened to them if they couldn't play football? (soccer)
"My parents have always been there for me, ever since I was about 7." David Beckham
"I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league." Mark Viduka
"Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well, he's the only manager I've actually had at this level. But he's the best manager I've ever had."
David Beckham
"If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the end of the day." Neville Southall
"I've had 14 bookings this season - 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of which were disputable." Paul Gascoigne
"I've never wanted to leave. I'm here for the rest of my life, and hopefully after that as well." Alan Shearer
"I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona " Mark Draper
"You've got to believe that you're going to win, and I believe we'll win the World Cup until the final whistle blows and we're knocked out." Peter Shilton
"I faxed a transfer request to the club at the beginning of the week, but let me state that I don't want to leave Leicester " Stan Collymore
"Without being too harsh on David Beckham, he cost us the match." Ian Wright
"I'm as happy as I can be - but I have been happier." Ugo Ehiogu
"Leeds is a great club and it's been my home for years, even though I live in Middlesborough." Jonathan Woodgate
"I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel." Stuart Pearce
"I took a whack on my left ankle, but something told me it was my right." Lee Hendrie
"I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country." Ian Rush
"Germany are a very difficult team to play...they had 11 internationals out there today." Steve Lomas
"I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my right sock." Barry Venison
"I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into what religion yet." David Beckham
"All that remains is for a few dots and commas to be crossed." Mitchell Thomas
"One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best.." Alan Shearer
"I'd rather play in front of a full house than an empty crowd." Johnny Giles
"Sometimes in football you have to score goals." Thierry Henry
H/T Pete Hurrell
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The Euro Gravy Train rolls on.....
MEPs can teach UK MPs all about expenses fiddling. That's because the MEPs are out of sight and out of mind. Another reason why we should quit Europe.
Not everyone is falling for Barack's Bullfest......
Obama at Dobson High Presenting Mortgage Bailout.jpg)
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H/T DML
YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2009 when...
1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 4.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.
6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.
8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and Get it.
10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.
11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )
12 You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.
14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list
H/T M Kohl
Bushisms......
"They misunderestimated me." Bentonville, Arkansas, 6 November, 2000
"For a century and a half now, America and Japan have formed one of the great and enduring alliances of modern times." Tokyo, 18 February, 2002
"I think war is a dangerous place." Washington DC, 7 May, 2003
"It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it." Reuters, 5 May, 2000
"It would be a mistake for the United States Senate to allow any kind of human cloning to come out of that chamber." Washington DC, 10 April, 2002
"Those who enter the country illegally violate the law." Tucson, Arizona, 28 November, 2005
"I'll be long gone before some smart person ever figures out what happened inside this Oval Office." Washington DC, 12 May, 2008
I miss him already.
H/T Andi B
Amazing: Bathtub Video.....
Filmed with a special focus, so it everything looks smaller. This is a must see.
The Sunday Best....
Baby P council hired US college kids to be £36,000 a year social workers. Heads must roll.
MI5 knew we were torturing British terror suspects, claim Pakistan agents. Sorry but I have no problem wiring Mohammed's bollocks to the mains if it saves the lifes of our troops and prevents terrorist attacks around the world.
Blears targets Harman with broadside on 'PC Britain'. Cabinet Catfight. Can we get tickets?
What a bunch of Twitters: Government advertises for £160k 'digital communications' internet supremo. We can all think of a better word that twitters.
Gordon Brown to bar 100pc mortgages. Why? It will just prevent some hard working people from getting on the property ladder.
Order of the Garter slips out of Tony Blair's grasp. I recommend the 'Order of the Noose' as compensation.
Women rail workers refuse to wear see-through uniform. Spoilsports!
Hundreds of complaints from parents about schools – but less than 2% investigated. Sums up the Governments attitude to education. Schools have become nothing more than daycare centres to kepp the little brats off the streets.
Barack Obama under fire for picking a crony fundraiser as his ambassador to Britain. Crooks and cronyism. Welcome to the Democrats. Obambi is doing exactly what Blair did back in 1997. Just how much advice has Blair given to Obambi. It could explain why Blair was the first to meet him.
Hillary Clinton China visit blamed for the detention of activists. I don't notice any criticism of this from the loony left! Had it been Bush the left would have been wetting themselves.
Lebanon guerrillas fire rockets into Israel. Hezbollah are asking for a slap. Now that Syria is Obambi's 'bestest buddy' they think they can get away with it.
Abu Qatada's compensation makes a mockery of human rights. The European Court can kiss my ass.
Parents told: avoid morality in sex lessons. WTF!! Just shows that the Government have no morals of their own.
Amid the hunger, a feast for Mugabe. Just one little airstrike! Any African leader who attends should get a full set of sanctions against them.
MoD hides rising injury toll of Taliban bombs. The MoD have an army of PR 'people' to make sure that we never hear the truth.
A Ponzi scheme that's conning us all. Courtesy of Gordon Brown.
‘Rebel angel’ Hugo Chavez bedevils Venezuela. Another asshole worshiped by the loony left.
A thought experiment. A gun ownership proposal that would be welcome over here.
Brown's cautious bank reforms. What reforms? He is protecting the city directorships that he has no doubt been promised for when he retires.
..little Jimmy May's bit. (Clarkypoos is still pissing about in Hong Kong)
Lessons in Scalextric.
and finally.
He’s Baaaaaaaack!* Jules on Obambi's budget.
and over at Maggie's it's Maple Sugar Time.
Blog of the Day.....
Norfolk Coast extols the virtues of where come from. It is a great place to live and visit.
Nice try......
Photoshop of the day: Schmucky says “Let them eat pork”.
The Tory Party originally tried this a couple of weeks back with Mandy Pandy. I still don't think it works.
H/T Don Emslie
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You're An EXTREME Redneck When.....
....most of these are considered 'normal for Norfolk'.
The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.
You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night.
You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.
Someone in your family died right after saying, 'Hey, guys, watch this.'
You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
Your junior prom offered day care.
You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are 'Gentlemen, start your engines. '
You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk
H/T Rico
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