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Monday, 16 November 2009
A few more one liners........
201. Sometimes the best helping hand you can give is a good, firm push.
202. What is the most important thing to learn in chemistry?
Never lick the spoon.
203. Lite: the new way to spell “Light,” now with 20% fewer letters!
204. Unless you’re the lead dog, the view never changes.
205. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
206. No one is listening until you fart.
207. Only dead fish go with the flow.
208. Why don’t you slip into something more comfortable…like a coma.
209. Drink coffee! Do stupid things faster with more energy!
210. This isn’t an office. It’s hell with fluorescent lighting.
211. A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
212. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends.
213. Life’s like a bird, it’s pretty cute until it shits on your head.
214. I’m multi-talented: I can talk and piss you off at the same time.
215. I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.
216. The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What’s the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you’d get a pulse.
217. Foreign Aid: The transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.
218. How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
219. 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It’s either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it’s Colin.
220. If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?
H/T DML
SELF-INDUCED JIHAD SYNDROME
What does the Fort Hood shooter Nidal Malik Hasan, Timothy McVeigh, disaffected Muslim youth in Britain, a geriatric white supremacist mass killer, and al Qaeda all have in common? 
STORMBRINGER explores this scary phenomena . . .
Sunday, 15 November 2009
ON A ROLL HERE . . .
Visit Nice Deb for more of the Scene Stealing Squirrel . . .
Nutsy the Squirrel as an Internet phenomena, and the hilarious Squirrel MOVIE . . . . . . STORMBRINGER
Editors Note: re Ads
We have installed a program that puts ads into the pictures on this site. This is an experiment and not necessarily permanent. Clicking on pictures will still enlarge the picture without pop-ups or any shenanigans etc. The ads only appear when you hover your cursor over the picture.
We will run this 'til the end of the month to see how it goes.
PROTOCOL UPDATE
Barack Obama: take due notice thereof, and conduct yourself accordingly . . .
STORMBRINGER
POTUS BODY LANGUAGE UPDATE . . .
. . . and THE SALUTE THAT WON'T GO AWAY
In the course of my career I was trained to read body language. The inner soul speaks out - especially through the eyes, of course. A person's posture will betray that which they seek to conceal.
Will somebody educate the guy? American leaders do NOT kowtow to Oriental potentates.
This is how it's done . . .
What is General MacArthur saying here?
And what is the message from the Emperor of Japan to his people?
Full analysis . . . . . . STORMBRINGER
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Nursing Home
An Arab family was considering putting their grandfather (Abdullah) in a nursing home. All the Arab facilities were completely full, so they had to put him in an Italian home.
After a few weeks in the Italian facility, they came to visit Grandpa. "How do you like it here?" asked the grandson.
It's wonderful! Everyone here is so courteous and respectful," said grandpa.
"We're so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place for you, since you are a little different from everyone."
"Oh, no! Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents," Abdullah said with a big smile.
"There's a musician here--he's 85 years old. He hasn't played the violin in 20 years, and everyone still calls him Maestro!
There is a judge in here--he's 95 years old. He hasn't been on the bench in 30 years and everyone still calls him Your Honor!
There's a dentist here--90 years old. He hasn't fixed a tooth for 25 years, and everyone still calls him Doctor!
And me--I haven't had sex for 35 years, and they still call me The F**king Arab."
H/T Steve M
The Sunday Best..........
Obama proposes Domestic Economic Summit. Merry Christmas!
'Bowing Before Monarchs and Tyrants: Obama 'Restores' America's World Standing With His Head Down'
Bankers face being stripped of bonuses by State
Afghanistan: bomb disposal hero Olaf Schmid is 'racing certainty' for top gallantry award
British troops in Helmand kill 80 Taliban in 10 days of fighting
Record number of poppies distributed, says Royal British Legion
Man uses remote to control his 'bionic bottom'
Clint Eastwood made Legion of Honour commander in France
Barack Obama forced into another 'war council' as US squabbles over Afghan troops
Hugo Chavez intensifies conflict threat with Colombia
UN food summit 'fails before it begins'
Voters will no longer be told what to do
Al-Qaeda runs jihad from British prisons
RAF plans huge cuts in aircraft and stations
World leaders deal major blow to Cophenhagen climate change deal
Plan for 9/11 trial in New York divides the city
Bombed, blasted and shot yet still the Taliban come
EU set to ignore advice to ban bluefin fishing
Traumatised troops get payout pittance after Afghanistan and Iraq
A Tale of Two Militaries
Green’s Mercury Conundrum
the Clarkypoos bit........
Stop the game, ref. We’re all too cross to play by the rules
Toyota RAV4 SR 2.2 D-4D
and little Jimmy May.....
The Porsche 911 as an artist's muse
The Fortune Teller
In a dark and gloomy room, the fortune teller was startled by what she saw in her crystal ball. She looked up at her customer, sitting across the table. 'There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year.'
Visibly shaken, the woman stared at the psychic's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know.
She met the fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked:
'Will I get away with it?'
H/T Bill
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A few more one-liners.............
181. 100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?
182. I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said ‘Are you going to help?’ I said ‘No, six should be enough.’
183. A friend is someone who will help you move. A GOOD friend is someone who will help you move a dead body.
184. Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
185. Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.
186. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
187. For every action, there is a corresponding over-reaction.
188. I’m a humble person, really. I’m actually much greater than I think I am.
189. Why is it called Alcoholics ANONYMOUS when the first thing you do is stand up and say, ‘My name is Peter and I am an alcoholic’
190. The best way to lie is to tell the truth, carefully edited truth.
191. Every day, man is making bigger and better fool-proof things, and every day, nature is making bigger and better fools. So far, I think nature is winning.
192. I don’t have a solution, but I do admire the problem.
193. The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn.
194. People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.
195. There are two kinds of friends : those who are around when you need them, and those who are around when they need you.
196. Don’t steal. That’s the government’s job.
197. A celebrity is someone who works hard all his life to become known and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
198. They call it “pms” because “mad cow disease” was already taken.
199. IRS: We’ve got what it takes to take what you’ve got.
200. Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven’t fallen asleep yet.
H/T DML
Saturday, 14 November 2009
WEST-BY-GOD VETERAN
Harold Payne survived the hard, lean years of the Great Depression and combat operations all across the European Theater of Operations; severely wounded and captured in the Battle of the Bulge, as a Prisoner of War he survived illness and near starvation while men died to the left and right of him. Then he came home and did forty years in the coal mines of his beloved "West-By-God-Virginia".
Like we say in the Army: "Harder than woodpecker lips."
Harold Payne FINALLY recieved due recognition for his service & sacrifice in October 2008 - FORTY EIGHT YEARS after the fact! ! !
Talk about a hard life . . . I can't even imagine what this man went through - before, during or the forty years AFTER the great World War II . . .
. . . STORMBRINGER SENDS
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A few more one-liners.............
161. The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
162. Impotence: Nature’s way of saying “No hard feelings”.
163. Do you realize that in about 40 years, we’ll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?
164. There are three kinds of people: The ones who learn by reading. The ones who learn by observation. And the rest of them who have to touch the fire to learn it’s hot.
165. We are all time travellers moving at the speed of exactly 60 minutes per hour
166. America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won’t cross the street to vote.
167. To err is human, to blame it on somebody else shows management potential.
168. Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers.
169. Only in America… do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
170. Vegetarian: Native American definition for “lousy hunter”.
171. Materialism: buying things we don’t need with money we don’t have to impress people that don’t matter.
172. The Miss Universe pageant is fixed. All the winners are from Earth.
173. It matters not whether you win or lose: what matters is whether I win or lose.
174. If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
175. Don’t piss me off! I’m running out of places to hide the bodies.
176. Progress is made by lazy men looking for an easier way to do things.
177. See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.
178. I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, “Well, that’s not going to happen.”
179. Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface.
180. The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
H/T DML
Friday, 13 November 2009
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