Thursday, 28 February 2008
Improv gun rack
Multiple M4 Carbine assault rifles sit on top of a Humvee while U.S. Marines from 1st Marine Logistics Group’s Personal Security Detail shoot their M9 pistols at Joe Foss Range aboard Camp Al Taqaddum, Al Anbar, Iraq, Feb.10, 2008. Photo from the Joint Combat Camera Center
H/T Mark Scott
Quote of the day...
Gladstone to Benjamin Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, sir," said Disraeli, "On whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."
H/T Thomas Harris
News...
Obama’s Empty Change Message. Well worth a look.
Yippy Ti Yi Yo, Europe!. Neuroticism abroad by Victor Davis Hanson.
Fury as GPs get a 60% pay rise in three years for doing even LESS work. GPs still work!!
Home Office disc discovered hidden inside laptop bought on eBay. These people are in charge of security!!!
Outcry as Muslim extremist is allowed to tour Britain to 'promote violence'. Just whose side are the Home Orifice on!!
Ministers accused of post office hypocrisy. Labour and hypocracy in the same sentence. Who would have thought it!!!
Taliban threaten spring offensive on Kabul. And they will continue to die in large numbers.
Arms race fear as US plans India missile shield. This should get the Chinese a tad miffed!!
Al-Qaeda has infiltrated Gaza with help of Hamas. Hamas, Hezbollah and Al Queda are to all intensive purposes the same thing.
British-built Acabion is fastest road vehicle.
Two wolves....
One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, "My son, the battle is between two "wolves" inside us all.
One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"
The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."
H/T Jeffrey Nihart
Wednesday, 27 February 2008
Oh crap....
'Costly payout' after earthquake. I was a lot nearer than a lot of people and apart from a few 'major' cracks in an old building (most of which were there beforehand) there is nothing to report. A bunch of assholes will try and use this to claim anything they can and insurance premiums will go up as a result ( as if the insurance companies need an excuse!!) I have to admit it was the most exciting thing that has happened in my bedroom in a long while, but there again I live in the Fens!!
Church Announcement
The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express Praise for answered prayers.
A lady stood and walked to the podium. She said, 'I have a praise.' Two months ago, my husband, Jim, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him.' You could hear an audible gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Jim experienced.
She continued, 'Jim was unable to hold me or the children and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation. They were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Jim's scrotum and wrap wire around it to hold it in place.
Again, the men in the Congregation squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Jim.
She continued, 'Now, Jim is out of the hospital and the doctor's say, with time, his scrotum should recover completely.' All the men sighed with relief.
The pastor rose and tentatively asked if any one else had anything to say.
A man rose and walked to the podium. He said, 'I'm Jim and I want to tell my wife, the word is "sternum."
H/T Peter Gunn
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Maths for the 21st Century.
Inner City Schools are finally starting to teach practical math that these kids can use in real-world situations! It's about time!
NAME____________________
GANG NAME______________ CRIB_________________
1. Ramon has an AK-47 with a 30-round mag. He usually misses 6 of every 10 shots and he uses 13 rounds per drive-by shooting. How many drive-by shootings can Ramon hit before he reloads?
2. Leroy has 2 ounces of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Antonio for $320 and 2 grams to Juan for $85 per gram, what be the street value of the rest of his shit?
3. Dwayne pimps 3 ho's. If the price is $85 per trick, how many tricks per day must each ho turn to support Dwayne's $800 per day crack habit?
4. Raul wants to cut the pound of cocaine he bought for $40,000 to make 20% profit. How many ounce bags will he need to make to get the 20% upside?
5. Desmond gets $2000 for a stolen BMW, $1500 for stealing a Corvette, and< $1000 for a 4 x 4. If he steals 1 BMW, 2 Corvettes and 3 4x4's, how many more Corvettes must he steal to have $9000?
6. Pedro got 6 years for murder. He also got $10,000 for the hit. If his common-law wife spends $100 of his hit money per month, how much money will be left when he gets out?
7. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can be sprayed with 3-8 oz. cans of spray paint with 20% paint left over?
8. Tyrone knocked up 4 girls in the gang. There be 20 girls in his gang. What be the percentage of bitches Tyrone knocked up?
9. LaShaunda is a lookout for the gang. LaShaunda also has a Boa Constrictor that eats 5 rats per week and the cost be $5 per rat. If LaShaunda makes $700 a week as a lookout, how many weeks can she feed her snake with one week's income?
10. Marvin steals Juan's skateboard. As Marvin skates away at 15 mph, Juan loads his 357 Magnum piece. If it takes Juan 20 seconds to load his piece, how far away will Marvin be when he gets whacked
H/T Shelly
THE TIMES - - Letter of the Year:
A SENIOR MOMENT - (I PRAY TO GOD THAT I HAVE THEM LIKE THIS......) An elderly lady actually wrote this letter to her bank. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in The Times and this newspaper thanks him most sincerely.
Dear Sir,
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my cheque with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three'nanoseconds' must have elapsed between his presenting the cheque and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honour it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my Pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account £30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.
My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.
I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, re-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become. From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan payments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank by cheque, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.
Be aware that it is an offence under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope.
Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Solicitor, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.
In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modelled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons as follows:
1-- To make an appointment to see me
2-- To query a missing payment.
3-- To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
4-- To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
5-- To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature
6-- To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
7-- To leave a message on my computer (a password to access my computer is required. A password will be communicated to you at a later date to the Authorized Contact.)
8-- To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 8
9-- To make a general complaint or inquiry, the contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.
While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.
Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.
May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year.
Your Humble Client
Addendum from The Editor:
IMPORTANT to REMEMBER that this letter was written by a lady who is a 98 year old woman; DOESN'T SHE MAKE YOU PROUD!!!?
H/T Killemall
US Army Abrams Tank Commander Loading all his Weapons in Iraq
Not forgetting the big pointy thing sticking out the front.
News....of sorts.
Wargaming the Electoral College. Vodkapundit tries to predict Ohio.
Black Hillary Supporters May Be Receiving Death Threats. Only the black ones !!!
Costa Rica recognizes 'Palestine'. Costa where?
Robot wars 'will be a reality within 10 years'. Combat for the X-box generation.
Fish can count to four - but no higher. That's two higher than a democrat!!
Vote for your favourite British landscape. Still some of the best landscapes on earth. One of the main reasons for loving this lump of sod.
Murderous dictators: cool, huh? Why does the Left still worship Fidel Castro and all his appalling fellow communists? Doh. The left are assholes and the world would be a far better place without them
Hillary Clinton throws punches, but fails to slow Barack Obama bandwagon. Drowning a bit at a time.
Flower Garden.....v clever.
Click on the link. You will get a black page. Click your mouse anywhere on the page & see what happens! Better yet, click & drag your mouse over the black page.
CLICK HERE
Send it to your wife.
H/T Peter Gunn
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LITTLE KNOWN NAVAL HISTORY
The U.S.S. Constitution (Old Ironsides), as a combat vessel, carried 48,600 gallons of fresh water for her crew of 475 officers and men. This was sufficient to last six months of sustained operations at sea. She carried no evaporators (i.e. fresh water distillers!).
However, let it be noted that according to her ship's log, "On July 27, 1798, the U.S.S. Constitution sailed from Boston with a full complement of 475 officers and
men, 48,600 gallons of fresh water, 7,400 cannon shot, 11,600 pounds of black powder and 79,400 gallons of rum."
Her mission: "To destroy and harass English shipping."
Making Jamaica on 6 October, she took on 826 pounds of flour and 68,300 gallons of rum.
Then she headed for the Azores , arriving there 12 November. She provisioned with 550pounds of beef and 64,300 gallons of Portuguese wine.
On 18 November, she set sail for England In the ensuing days she defeated five British men-of-war and captured and scuttled 12 English merchant ships, salvaging only the rum aboard each.
By 26 January, her powder and shot were exhausted. Nevertheless, although unarmed she made a night raid up the Firth of Clyde in Scotland . Her landing party captured a whisky distillery and transferred 40,000 gallons of single malt Scotch aboard by dawn. Then she headed home.
The U.S.S. Constitution arrived in Boston on 20 February, 1799, with no cannon shot, no food, no powder, no rum, no wine, no whisky, and 38,600 gallons of water.
H/T Shelly
Tuesday, 26 February 2008
8th Grade Exam from 1895...part 2. I would love to see the answers for Questions 1 & 2.
1 What is climate? Upon what does climate depend?
2. How do you account for the extremes of climate in Kansas ?
3. Of what use are rivers? Of what use is the ocean?
4. Describe the mountains of North America.
5. Name and describe the following: Monrovia, Odessa, Denver, Manitoba, Hecla, Yukon, St. Helena, Juan Fernandez, Aspinwall and Orinoco.
6. Name and locate the principal trade centers of the U.S.
7. Name all the republics of Europe and give the capital of each.
8. Why is the Atlantic Coast colder than the Pacific in the same latitude?
9. Describe the process by which the water of the ocean returns to the sources of rivers.
10. Describe the movements of the earth. Give the inclination of the earth.
H/T Shelly
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