The doctor that had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her
life finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a
list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her. As the young
doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide as he realized she had
a prescription for birth control pills.
"Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are BIRTH CONTROL pills?"
"Yes, they help me sleep at night."
"Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in these that could
possibly help you sleep!"
She reached out and patted the young Doctor's knee. "Yes, dear, I know that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 16 year old granddaughter drinks..................................And believe me, it helps me sleep at night."
You gotta like Grandmas
H/T Jeffrey Nihart
Friday, 16 May 2008
Grandma's logic....
Thursday, 15 May 2008
Re Emails......
...thanks to all who have sent me emails this week. I have a backlog and promise to get to them as soon as I can.
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News...
The gipsy brothers who ran over and killed a father-of-two as he tried to stop them stealing his car radio. Hang them!
Police must put public safety first and end health and safety 'nonsense', say Tories. We still have a police force!!!!
Anger as sleaze watchdog rules £4,000 taxi bill for Speaker's wife was 'not excessive'. Make her pay the bill herself, and boot her cretinous oik of a husband out of the Speakers Chair.
Rocketman flies over Alps with jet-pack strapped to his back. Strap on a couple of Hellfires and then we are talking.
Tesco bans parents from buying alcohol if they are with their OWN children. Another reason not to shop at Tesco, as if you needed one.
Iraqi insurgents use eight-year-old girl as suicide bomber. Welcome to Islam.
Gordon Brown: I am staying until next election. That's what he thinks.
Demise of al-Qa'eda in sight, US official says. A tad optimistic considering we have been 'at war' with Islam for about 1500 years and will continue to be until either Christianity or Islam is left.
Mankind is the 'Earth's biggest threat'. No shit!! I am sure Mother Nature will smack us down when she is ready.
Austrian man brutally murders entire family with axe. What is it with Austrians?
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African Humour.....
Mdedeleni is buying a TV and asks "Do you have colour TVs?"
"Sure" says the assistant.
Mdedeleni replies "Give me a green one, please."
..........................................................
Having lost his donkey Mdedeleni got down to his knees and started Thanking God.
A passer-by saw him and asked "Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for?"
Mdedeleni replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too!
..........................................................
Mdedeleni got his 4th child. He fills data in the birth certificate.
Mother: Xhosa.
Father: Zulu
Kid: Chinese.
"How come you write 'Chinese' when both parents are Black?"
"Aah" says Mdedeleni "I read in a newspaper that every 4th person born in the world now is Chinese!"
H/T M Kohl
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The Wife Test......
....probably not a good idea to pin this to the fridge door!!
Click to enlarge.
H/T Jeffrey Nihart
Wednesday, 14 May 2008
PTSD-urple Heart
Jules Crittenden has all the gen.
I am sure that this will be of interest to Rogue Gunner a Falklands vet and good friend who suffers from it. He wrote a very good book on the subject.
Latest Superdelegate Defection for Hillary
In what some Democratic Party insiders are calling a particularly ominous sign for Hillary Clinton's presidential campaign, former president Bill Clinton today became the latest superdelegate to switch from Sen. Clinton to her rival, Sen. Barack Obama (D-Ill).
Sources close to the former president said that Mr. Clinton had been mulling such a defection for weeks, as early as the night of the Iowa primary, but that he only decided to make his decision public today.
"The American people want change," Mr. Clinton said at a press conference in New York. "Lord knows I do."
The former president said that "sometimes, at the end of a race, you have to put an old horse down," adding, "I'm not speaking metaphorically."
Mr. Clinton fueled speculation that he was seeking a role in an Obama administration, saying, "I know my way around the Oval Office, and I know how the super-secret double-lock works."
The former president said he would relish a return to the White House, calling his tenure there "good times."
For her part, Sen. Clinton said that the defection of her husband would not deter her from staying in the race, adding, "To my knowledge, he's the only white voter Sen. Obama has."
The New York senator denied that she was playing the race card, arguing, "Every other member of my family is supporting me, and by the way, they're white."
Borrowed from HERE
H/T Shelly
A woman scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him.
'My name is Carmen,' she told him.
'That's a beautiful name,' he replied, 'Is it a family name?'
'No,' she replied. 'I gave it to myself. It reflects the things I like most -- cars and men.'
'What's your name?' she asked.
He said, 'B. J. Titsenbeer'
H.T Jeffrey Nihart
Daily Chassis....
...if anyone has a better pic involving pasties and chassis bung it over. I was short of time.
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News.....
The £2.7billion U-turn: How bottler Brown tore up his own budget to buy off 10p tax rebels. Don't worry he will find another way to raise the money because he needs it.
War veteran, 96, has rubbish uncollected for two weeks for 'crime' of putting two jars in wrong bin. Disgusting. What do expect from the socialist pricks of Norwich City Council.
Hillary Clinton will 'fight until the bitter end' after landslide win in West Virginia. Oh goody. Nothing like the Demoncrats ripping themselves apart to give us some entertainment.
Cherie Blair 'should be ashamed of herself', says Dr David Kelly's brother-in-law. The money grabbing bitch has no shame.
Half of Armed Forces seriously under strength. This needs fixing NOW. The Tories should be doing far more to pressure the Government in increasing spending. The Military should mount a coup and rescue us all from the dross of political classes.
Sorbonne student admits to career in porn. this story needs some serious research!!!
Ambassador Andrew Pocock seized as he investigates violence in Zimbabwe. The best excuse we are going to get to send in the troops.
Elephant accosts Swiss tourists driving through South African game park. A Swiss Roll.....
Ahmadinejad: Israel to be 'swept away soon'. He is going to need a bigger broom!!!!!!
What terrible things does Global Cooling cause? Maggie's Farm have the answers.
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One day Superman was feeling a bit horny. So he asked his super hero friends for ideas on where he could get a bit of action. 'Hey Batman! Who's good in the sack?'
'Well Superman, everyone knows that Wonder Woman is the best sex in comic land. Why don't you try her?' replied Batman
'I'd love to, but Wonder Woman and I are friends. So I don't really want to take advantage of her.'
'Damn shame.' said Batman as he waved goodbye to Superman and drove off.
Ten minutes later Superman was flying low over a city when he saw the Green Lantern.
'Hey Hal, I'm looking for a little action. You're a swinging bachelor, who's the best babe in comic land?'
'Hey, Superman! Everyone knows that Wonder Woman is far and away the best lay in comic land, why don't you try her?'
'Well, we're sort of friends,' Superman said, 'but I didn't realise she had gotten around so much.' And he flew off in frustration
Twenty minutes later Superman was flying over a field when he saw Wonder Woman lying naked, in the middle of the field, with her legs apart.
Superman was tempted. He thought to himself, 'I'm faster than a speeding bullet, I can be in and out of there before she even knows I'm here.'
So with a blur and a sonic boom he was down, in and gone. Wonder Woman stared up into the sky with a dazed expression. 'What the hell was that?' she exclaimed.
'I don't know,' said the Invisible Man as he rolled off, 'but my ass is killing me.'
H/T Killem
