Friday, 29 February 2008

URGENT - GRIMSBY EARTHQUAKE APPEAL

AT 01.00 ON WEDNESDAY 27 FEBRUARY 2008 A MAJOR EARTHQUAKE HIT MEASURING 5.1 ON
THE RICHTER SCALE EPICENTERED ON GRIMSBY.
Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "Faaackinell".
The Earthquake decimated the area, causing approximately £30 worth of damage, with the exception of the Docks area, where approx. £375,000 of improvements were
made. Untold disruption and distress was caused. Many were woken well before
their giro arrived. Several priceless collections of mementos from the
Balearics and Spanish Costas were damaged.
Three areas of historic and scientifically significant litter were disturbed.

One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said, "It was
such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom
crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Victoria-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was skinning up and watching Trisha the next morning."

Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as
normal.

The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Buckfast Tonic Wine to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are stillsearching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personalbelongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.

HOW CAN YOU HELP?

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those
unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought
after - items most needed include:

Fila or Burberry baseball caps
Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)
Shell suits (female)
White sport socks
Rockport boots
Any other items usually sold in Primark.

H/T Scarycat and Pete Hurrell

2 comments:

Cargosquid said...

Theo! Carriers are on the way! Hold on! We'll save you! Hold on!!!!!

Save the beer!!!!!

45govt said...

Brilliant - captured the essence of the Great British Chav perfectly!