Saturday, 22 March 2008
PH-PBY (BuNo. 2459) was built in 1941. It is the oldest surviving PBY-5A. But not only that, it is also the top-scoring allied antisubmarine aircraft of any type or nationality to emerge from World War II. This PBY destroyed U-464, U-582 and U-194. A fourth German submarine, U-528, was heavily damaged. The aircraft is owned and flown regularly by the Catalina PH-PBY Foundation at Lelystad Airport, the Netherlands.
Nymphomaniac Convention
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his.
Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?"
She turned, smiled and said,"Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston "
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs. Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"
"Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."
"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"
"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African - American men are
the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.
Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually
it is men of Jewish descent who are the best.
I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is
the Southern Redneck."
Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry,"
she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't
even know your name."
"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba."
H/T Jackie Gedling
An effing disgrace...
War veterans have been banned from putting up a statue to fallen comrades in a graveyard - because it might "unnerve" people. We must not forget nor must we tolerate a**holes like Nailsea Council.
Golf question...
As I get older, my damn eye sight is not all that good anymore. Can you guys please help me with this? Is that or is that not a graphite shaft?
H/T Killemall
News....
Let the Gurkhas stay: Brown faces revolt from his own MPs over 'pathetic' treatment of brave warriors. If Brown doesn't let them come here he should get a Kukri up the Khyber!!
School arranges morning-after pills for girls of 14 after end-of-term party descends into drunken orgy. Welcome to modern Britain.
Rural areas 'suffering from closure of police stations' as violent crime rises faster than in town. We have a mobile 'plod shop' which pops by every couple of weeks. The Post Office in the next village (ours has gone) also doubles as a pop in police station for when you need to report a robbery whilst collecting your pension.
Special Forces have Afghan drug lords in sights. Wouldn't want to be a drug lord!!
Robert Mugabe turns the screw on Zimbabwe's dwindling white farmers. Someone shoot the Marxist Monkey.
MoD has wasted £15m renting empty houses. Only £15 million, they must be losing their touch. They usually manage to get their waste into the billions.
Workers at Tesco paid just 8p an hour. Hell thats nearly more than I get.
Nicolas Sarkozy to bolster force in Afghanistan with 1,000 extra troops. Are yes, but will they fight?
Afghan female runner Mehbob Andyar braves abuse to follow Olympic dream. Afghanistan is primitive.
Blonde ambition seeks to storm Kremlin. A blonde political party!! This should be fun!
PATRIOTIC squaddie Craig Briggs has been barred from joining the police. Stay in the Army, the plod are an effing joke.
Life's Logic.....part1
1. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and Shithead's.
2. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.
3. I live in my own little world, but it's OK, everyone knows me here.
4. I saw a rather large woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess on it. I said, "Thyroid problem?"
5. I don't do drugs 'cause I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast.
6. A sign In a Chinese pet store: "Buy one dog, get one flea."
7. Money can't buy happiness but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
8. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.
9. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
10. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.
11. The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.
12. If life deals you lemons, make lemonade. If life deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys.
H/T Ted Foster
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
HOW MOSES GOT THE 10 COMMANDMENTS
God went to the Arabs and said, 'I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better.'
The Arabs asked, 'What are Commandments?'
And the Lord said, 'They are rules for living.'
'Can you give us an example?'
'Thou shall not kill.'
'Not kill? We're not interested.'
So He went to the Blacks and said, 'I have Commandments.'
The Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said, 'Honour thy Father and Mother.'
'Father? We don't know who our fathers are. We're not interested.'
Then He went to the Mexicans and said, 'I have Commandments.'
The Mexicans also wanted an example, and the Lord said 'Thou shall not steal.'
'Not steal? We're not interested.'
Then He went to the French and said, 'I have Commandments.'
The French too wanted an example and the Lord said, 'Thou shall not commit adultery.'
'Not commit adultery? We're not interested.'
Finally, He went to the Jews and said, 'I have Commandments.'
'Commandments?' They said, 'How much are they?'
'They're free.'
'We'll take 10.'
There, that should offend just about everybody.
H/T AJD Shootist
Friday, 21 March 2008
Atlanta Air Traffic Control = ATC
Atlanta ATC: 'Tower to Saudi Air 511 - You're cleared to land eastbound on runway 9R'
Saudi Air: 'Thank you Atlanta ATC. We are cleared to land on infidel's runway 9R - Allah be Praised.'
Atlanta ATC: 'Tower to Iran Air 711 - You're cleared to land westbound on runway 9R.'
Iran Air: 'Thank you Atlanta ATC. We are cleared to land on infidel's runway 9R. -
Allah is Great.'
Pause...
Saudi Air: ' ATLANTA ATC - ATLANTA ATC'
Atlanta ATC: 'Go ahead Saudi Air 511.'
Saudi Air: 'YOU HAVE CLEARED BOTH OUR AIRCRAFTS FOR THE SAME RUNWAY GOING IN OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS. WE ARE ON A COLLISION COURSE! INSTRUCTIONS, PLEASE.'
Atlanta ATC: 'Well bless your hearts. And praise Jesus. Y'all be careful now and tell Allah 'hey' for us ...'
H/T Ted Foster
News...
Help Gurkhas, not the shirkers. Well said.
A trainee fireman left blind and paralysed in a nightclub assault spent longer in hospital than his attacker did in jail. Hang the scumbag.
'Speak English' Signs OK at Philly Shop. This is what we need over here.
The playboy in socialite murder case who will never face justice - thanks to Abu Hamza. Send someone in to get him.
Depressed women have more sex than those who are happier. What about depressed men?
Killer stabbed landlord to death hours after police released him on bail for assaulting the SAME man. The Police really are bloody useless.
2,000 migrants a day given right to live in UK. And that's just the legal ones. What about the poor bloody Gurkhas.
Dick Cheney tour sparks Iran war rumours. Well it's going to happen sooner or later.
Robert Mugabe grip on power rocked by surging opposition. He will not give up power. The only way to get rid of him involves a bullet.
If Iraq is better, it's because of John McCain. Isn't hindsight a wonderful thing!!
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
Why men don't write advice columns.....
Dear Walter : I hope you can help me. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbor lady. I am 32, my husband is 34, and we have been married for twelve years.
When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago, and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much! , but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. He won't go to counseling and I'm afraid I can't get through to him anymore. Can you please help?
Sincerely, Anne
Dear Anne: A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing! low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber.
I hope this helps.
-Walter
H/T Nebraska Bob
FEMALE GEOGRAPHY
- Between 18 and 25, a woman is like Africa : wild, naturally beautiful and full of mysterious, fertile deltas.
- Between 26 and 34, a woman is like America : well-developed and open for trade, especially for those with stacks of money.
- Between 35 and 44, a woman is like India : sensual, relaxed, in full bloom, aware of her beauty.
- Between 45 and 54, a woman is like France : deliciously mature, still a pleasant destination to visit.
- Between 55 and 60, a woman is like Yugoslavia : a lost war, haunted by the mistakes of the past. Major reconstruction work is mostly the only answer.
- Between 61 and 65, a woman is like Russia : vast, with undefined frontier. The cold climate puts off any potential visitors.
- Between 66 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia : a glorious past, great conquests, but without a future.
- After 70, a woman is like Afghanistan or the north pole: many know its whereabouts, but no-one dares to venture there...
H/T Ted Foster
Thursday, 20 March 2008
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
