Monday, 20 September 2010

Colonoscopy ~ Patients' Comments

A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:

1. Take it easy, Doc . You're boldly going where no man has gone before!

2. Find Amelia Earhart yet?

3. Can you hear me NOW?

4. Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?

5. You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married.

6. Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'

7. You put your left hand in; you take your left hand out...

8. Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!

9. If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!

10. Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.

11. You used to work for the Inland Revenue Service bad payers division, didn't you?

12. God, now I know why I am not gay.

And the best one of all...

13. Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?

H/T DML

6 comments:

tom, die KriegsHetzer said...

You forgot:

"With your hands on both of my shoulders, how are you operating the colonoscope?"

Lester304 said...

I had one last Thursday, It was nothing I slept threw the whole thing. It is nothing and sure beats finding a cancer after it has spread. Mine was all clear no problems found. I had dreaded this procedure since I turned 45, 5 years ago. Please have this done it could save your life.

thehawkreturns said...

During a barium enema I had a chap say "reminds me of being in the Navy".

Oswald Bastable said...

The local hospital has the instruments named after characters in 'Sex in the City'

You probably need a sense of humour doing that job...

Brett said...

Wusses need to try a prostate biopsy. Once they've been violated with a nail gun they'll never complain about a colonoscopy again.

Anonymous said...

It's the so-called sedation drugs that are horrible. They tell you that it's just to make you "comfortable",but almost all colonoscopy includes a chemical restraint drug (Versed) that forces you to be compliant, even if in severe pain, and the hope that the amnesia effects of Versed will get you out the door before you remember the horrible experience...this is patient abuse and a colonoscopy with Versed is a terrible experience,