Friday, 18 March 2011

Preparation For Leaving The Forces..............

This guide will assist you in your efforts to 'Fit In' with civilians, when you leave the forces.

Speech:Time should never begin with a zero or end in a hundred, it is not 0530 or 1400 it is 5:30am or 2 in the afternoon.
Words like "deck", "scratcher", and "PT" will get you weird looks; floor, bed, workout, get used to it.
"F *cking" cannot be used to replace whatever word you can't think of right now, try "um" instead.
It's a phone, not a radio, conversations on a phone do not end in "out"
People will not know what you are talking about if you tell them you are coming from Dalton Bks with the CP platoon or that you spent a deployment with the HAC.... no more acronyms

Style:Do not put creases in your jeans.
Do not put creases on the front of your dress shirts.
Do not refer to your suits numerically, your best jacket & trousers are not your number 1's
Wearing A hat indoors does not make you a bad person, it makes you like the rest of the world.
You do not have to wear a belt ALL the time.

Women:Air Force girls are easy, very easy, not all women are this easy and will probably punch you in the nuts if you treat them like Air Force girls.
Being divorced twice by the time you are 23 is not normal, neither are 6 month marriages, even if it is your first.
Marrying a girl so that you can move out of the barracks does not make "financial sense", it makes you a retard.

Personal accomplishments:In the real world, being able to do lots of press-ups will not lead to automatic promotion or help your career in any way.
Most people will be slightly disturbed by you if you tell them about people you have killed or seen die.
How much pain you can take is not a personal accomplishment.
The time you got really drunk and sucked your mates cock in the middle of a bar...... also not a personal accomplishment.

Drinking:NATO is an organisation, not the way you want your tea made
In the real world, being drunk before 5pm will get you a written warning, not a pat on the back from your boss.
Shouting "Naked Bar" at your works Christmas party will have no affect.
That time you drank a bottle of Absinth and shat in your pals suitcase is not a conversation starter.
That time you went to the combat life saver school and practiced giving vodka iv's will probably not impress a civilian.

Bodily functions:Farting on your co-workers and then giggling while you walk away may be viewed as "unprofessional".
The size of the dump you took yesterday will not be funny regardless of how big it was, how much it burned, how much it smelled..... or how clear the photo is.
Under no circumstances must you "skiff" your work colleagues
You can't make fun of someone for their disability, no matter how funny the ailment is.
VD will also not be funny.

The human body:Most people will not want to hear about or see your balls. Odd as that may seem, it's true.
If your anus is sore, don’t ask your colleague on the next desk if he can see what’s wrong with it.

Spending habits:One day, you will have to pay for the things that keep you alive, heat, light, shelter, food, doctor etc etc
Buying a £30,000 car on a £16,000 a year salary is a really stupid idea.
Spending money on video games instead of on nappies makes you a twat.

Interacting with civilians:Making fun of your neighbour to his face for being fat will not make you popular in the neighbourhood.

Real jobs:They really can fire you.
On the flip side you really can quit.
Screaming at the people that work for you will not be normal, remember they really can quit too, You can't tell your secretary to "follow it down" if she drops her pen & taking naps at work will not be acceptable.
Ethnic minorities in your workplace should not be referred to as L E C's or 'Chogeys'

Sport is no longer part of your working week, Monday afternoons are for work like every other afternoon

The Law:Your civvy boss, unlike your C/O can't save you and probably won't, in fact most likely you will fired about 5 minutes after he finds out you've been arrested.
Even McDonalds do background checks, and "conviction" isn't going to help you get the job
Fighting is not a normal thing and will get you really arrested and fired, not yelled at Monday morning before they ask you if you won.

General knowledge:You can in fact really say what you think about the Queen in public.
Pain is not weakness leaving the body, it's just pain.
They won't wear anything shiny that tells you they are more important then you are, be polite.
You no longer have to go to the POL point, just go to the BP garage like everyone else

Read the contracts before you sign them, remember what happened the first time.

H/T Andi B

1 comment:

Blue said...

Excellent! :)