Tuesday, 20 June 2017

Things we learned in Hebrew School:

1. The High Holidays have absolutely nothing to do with marijuana. 

2. Where there's smoke, there may be salmon. 

3. No meal is complete without leftovers .

4. According to Jewish dietary law, pork and shellfish may be eaten only in Chinese restaurants.

5. A shmata is a dress that your husband's ex is wearing.

6. Anything worth saying is worth repeating a thousand times.

7. Never take a front row seat at a Bris.

8. Next year in Jerusalem. The year after that, how about a nice cruise?

9. Never leave a restaurant empty handed.

10. Spring ahead; fall back; winters in Boca.

11. Gentiles leave and never say good-bye; Jews say good-bye and never leave.

12. Always whisper the names of diseases.

13. If it tastes good, it's probably not Kosher.

14. The important Jewish holidays are the ones on which alternate side of the street parking is suspended.

15. Without Jewish mothers, who would need therapy?

16. If you have to ask the price, you can't afford it. If you can afford it, make sure to tell everybody what you paid.

17. Laugh now, but one day you'll be driving a Lexus and eating dinner at 4:00 PM in Florida.
H/T Lenmar

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