Friday, 30 March 2018

No comments...re Google..................

                CALLER:
                Is this Gordon's Pizza? 
 
                GOOGLE:
                No sir, it's Google Pizza. 
 
                CALLER:
                I must have dialed a wrong number.  Sorry.
 
                GOOGLE:
                No sir, Google bought Gordon’s Pizza last month.
 
                CALLER:
                OK.  I would like to order a pizza. 
 
                GOOGLE:
                Do you want your usual, sir?
 
                CALLER:
                My usual? You know me?
 
                GOOGLE:
                According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 
times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, 
sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.
 
                CALLER:
                OK! That’s what I want …
 
                GOOGLE:
                May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with 
ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-
free thin crust? 
 
                CALLER:
                What? I detest vegetable!.
 
                GOOGLE:
                Your cholesterol is not good, sir.
 
                CALLER:
                How the hell do you know!
 
                GOOGLE:
                Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with 
your medical records.  We have the result of your blood tests for the 
last 7 years.
 
                CALLER:
                Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetable pizza!  I 
already take medication for my cholesterol.
 
                GOOGLE:  Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your 
medication regularly.  According to our database, you only purchased a 
box of 30 cholesterol tablets once, at Drug RX Network, 4 months ago.
 
                CALLER:
                I bought more from another drugstore.
 
                GOOGLE:
                That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.
 
                CALLER:
                I paid in cash.
 
                GOOGLE:
                But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your 
bank statement.
 
                CALLER:
                I have other sources of cash.
 
                GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your last tax return 
unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is 
against the law.
 
                CALLER:
                WHAT THE HELL!!!
 
                GOOGLE:
                I'm sorry, sir, we use such information only with the 
sole intention of helping you.
 
                CALLER:
                Enough already!  I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, 
Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others.  I'm going to an island without 
internet, cable TV, where there is no cell phone service and no one to 
watch me or spy on me.
 
                GOOGLE:
                I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport 
first.  It expired 6 weeks ago…


H/T Liz B
 

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