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H/T Shelly
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US ‘whites-only’ towns spread to Wales
38 minutes ago
Wednesday, 28 January 2009
A Reply from the Inland Revenue.....
Dear Mr Addison,
I am writing to you to express our thanks for your more than prompt reply to our latest communication, and also to answer some of the points you raise.
I will address them, as ever, in order.
Firstly, I must take issue with your description of our last as a "begging letter". It might perhaps more properly be referred to as a "tax demand". This is how we, at the Inland Revenue have always, for reasons of accuracy; traditionally referred to such documents.
Secondly, your frustration at our adding to the "endless stream of crapulent whining and panhandling vomited daily through the letterbox on to the doormat" has been noted. However, whilst I have naturally not seen the other letters to which you refer I would cautiously suggest that their being from "pauper councils, Lombardy pirate banking houses and pissant gas-mongerers" might indicate that your decision to "file them next to the toilet in case of emergencies is at best a little ill-advised.
In common with my own organisation, it is unlikely that the senders of these letters do see you as a "lackwit bumpkin or, come to that, a "sodding charity". More likely they see you as a citizen of Great Britain, with a responsibility to contribute to the upkeep of the nation as a whole.
Which brings me to my next point. Whilst there may be some spirit of truth in your assertion that the taxes you pay "go to shore up the canker-blighted, toppling folly that is the Public Services", a moment's rudimentary calculation ought to disabuse you of the notion that the government in any way expects you to "stump up for the whole damned party" yourself. The estimates you provide for the Chancellor's disbursement of the funds levied by taxation, whilst colourful, are, in fairness, a little off the mark. Less than you seem to imagine is spent on "junkets for Bunterish lickspittles" and "dancing whores" whilst far more than you have accounted for is allocated to, for example, "that box-ticking facade of a university system."
A couple of technical points arising from direct queries:
1. The reason we don't simply write "Muggins" on the envelope has to do with the vagaries of the postal system;
2. You can rest assured that "sucking the very marrows of those with nothing else to give" has never been considered as a practice because even if the Personal Allowance didn't render it irrelevant, the sheer medical logistics involved would make it financially unviable.
I trust this has helped. In the meantime, whilst I would not in any way wish to influence your decision one way or the other, I ought to point out that even if you did choose to "give the whole foul jamboree up and go and live in India" you would still owe us the money. Please forward it by Friday.
Yours Sincerely,
H J Lee Customer Relations
H/T Liz B
(From the Guardian 2003)
Fair Dinkum Mate!...........An Aussie Poem....
If you’re a True Blue Aussie, then talk the way we do.
Like “Stone the Crows” and “Ridgy Didge” and “Ow ya goin' Blue”.
Waltz along Matildas and sing of Gundagai,
Talk about the swagmen and eat the big meat pie.
If you’ve never humped a Bluey, or thrown a boomerang,
And never eaten damper, with Vegemite or jam;
If you’ve never seen the "Outback", from Bourke to Timbuktu,
Then sorry mate, but you can’t be, a “Dinkum Real True Blue”.
Aussie blokes and sheilas, are “Bonza” through and through,
They’ve camped down by a “Billabong”, and played a Didgeridoo;
They drive around in Holdens, and go to “Two-Up Schools”,
They play the game of Rugby League, and a lot of "Aussie Rules".
Aussies live “Down Under”, and are very proud of that.
They’ve fought in many battles, and wear the old "Slouch Hat";
They’ve fished the Murrumbidgee, and burnt the “Gidgee Tree”.
They’ve hunted “Crocs” at “Walkabout” with Crocodile Dundee.
Have you heard the Kookaburras laugh, and the Curlews when they cry,
The Goannas scamper up a tree, and the “Roos” go bounding by;
Have you seen the signs of nature, in Australia’s Great Outback,
From Darwin to “The Alice”, and down The Birdsville Track?
Have you ever sailed in Moreton Bay, or surfed at Bondi Beach,
Have you ever caught a Melbourne Tram, or walked down Flinders Street;
Have you journeyed to The Darling Downs, or crossed “The Great Divide”,
And travelled on “The Nullarbor” to reach the other side?
Have you been to Tumbarumba, shooting “Kanga Bloody Roos”,
Have you been down to “The Local” for a night out on “The Booze”;
Have you travelled The Pacific, The Bruce, The Sturt and Hume,
Have you ever seen “The Min-Min Light”, and been across to Broome?
If you’re a "Dinkum Aussie", and done what Aussies do,
You must be feeling very proud, to be a real "True Blue";
No matter what part of Australia, The north, south, east or west,
By being a "Fair Dinkum Aussie", you’re one of the world's very best.
H/T DML
News.....
Don't insult Islam! Or the Spanish Inquisition will arrive! Maggie's Farm on the Dutch 'surrender'.
Tsvangirai says he agreed to join government. Mugabe will find a way of keeping him out.
'They say we're too old to care for our grandchildren': Social workers hand brother and sister to gay men for adoption. WTF!! Social Workers are a menace to children.
The schools where NO ONE speaks English as a first language. No speeka da language, no livee in UK.
Pictured: Storm tosses massive cruise liner like a toy boat. Wow. Although it is more of a glorified ferry than cruise liner.
Britain 'sickest' country in Europe with worst rates of obesity and teenage pregnancy. 'Fat dumb and stupid is not way to go through life'
Sorry, Ma'am you're out of date: Council replaces portrait of the Queen with modern art. Another bunch or councillors who need to be got rid of.
Recycling 'could be adding to global warming'. Poor old eco-loonies. Are they right about anything?
Council blocks new home for maimed Marine. Scum.
Cows with names produce more milk, scientists say. Good old Daisy.
Israeli warplane bombs Gaza's smuggling tunnels. Good.
Russia 'drops missile plans due to Obama change to US attitude'. Wouldn't trust them an inch.
Iran could have ability to build nuclear bomb by 2010, study warns. No s**t.
Europe's winter of discontent. There is a lot of trouble brewing.
Russia defence spending soars. We need to do the same.
Barack Obama plans tough action against Robert Mugabe. Nothing short of troops on the ground will work.
Russian military a 'paper tiger' despite symbolic comeback, says IISS. For how long?
Harare teacher: 'I can't afford to work'. Zimbabwe is in desperate need of help.
and finally a video of what farmers get up to when they are bored....
Watch it here.
Hee hee...
Sean Connery was interviewed by Michael Parkinson,
And bragged that despite being 72 years of age, he could still have sex 3 times a night.
Cilla Black, who was also a guest, looked intrigued.
After the show, Cilla says, 'Sean, if I'm not bein too forward, I'd luv to 'ave sex with yer. Lets go back to my ouse, we could 'ave a lorra fun.'
So they went back to her place and got comfortable
After a couple of drinks they went off to bed and had an hour of mad passionate
sex together.
Afterwards, Sean says, 'If you think that was good, Let me shleep for half an hour, and we can have better shex. But while I'm shleeping, hold my balls in your left hand and ma Willie in your right hand'.
Cilla looks a bit perplexed, but says 'Okay'.
He sleeps for half an hour, awakens, and they have even better sex than before.
Then Sean says, 'Cilla, that was wonderful. But if you let me shleep for an hour, we can have the besht shex yet. You'll have to.......'
'I know Sean. Yer want me to 'old onto yer bat 'n balls again. No problem Hun.'
Cilla complies with the routine.
The results this time are absolutely mind blowing.
Once it's all over, they have a drink, Sean lights a cigarette and Cilla
asks
'Sean, tell me, dis 'oldin yer balls in one hand and yer Willie in de other - does it really stimulate yer that much?'
Sean replies, 'No, not at all Cilla, but the last time I shlept with a scouser, the bitch stole ma wallet !'
H/T SD & Rix
Tuesday, 27 January 2009
Blog Post of the Day....
Al-Hopiyah, Al Changiyah! Jules on form. We will make a satyrist of him yet.
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