Theo Spark

Tuesday, 10 February 2009

News....

Jacqui's expenses don't add up. Even the Guardian don't like the crooked cow.

About Iran. Jules on Obambi's attitude towards Iran.

After the freeze, the floods: A month's rain in one night as winter storms sweep across Britain. Bloody wet and cold this global warming.

Single mothers have created generation of 'uber-chavs' who are costing taxpayer a fortune, claims deputy head. Get rid of child benefit and replace it with higher tax thresholds for those in work.

New fiasco for Home Office as just 35 of the 7,000 illegal immigrants involved in security vetting scandal are deported. The Home Office is a total joke.

Rat infestations hit record levels as rubbish piles up on streets. I hear Whitehall is over run with rats and other vermin.

Australia's grief as fire death toll 'could hit 300'... and police close in on arsonists. A tragedy. Those responsible should hunted down and shot.

I was forced out for trying to axe Muslim-only assemblies, claims headmistress. If the Muslims don't like it they can piss off.

Barack Obama: economic stimulus bill will prevent American 'catastrophe'. Absolute twaddle. This is going to be a 4 year bull-fest.

Cambridge University college in row over colonial-themed ball. Celebrating the Empire. Great idea.

Hamas leader ready for truce with Israel. There will never be peace in the region while Hamas exists.

US porn actress 'to run' for Senate against disgraced politician. Talk about f**king your way to the top.

Fighter jets scrambled after UFO follows plane over Athens. They are everywhere.

Mugabe's hard-liners try to scupper unity government. Send in troops to take them out.

Labour and Gordon Brown in poll wipeout despite economy hopes. Time for Labour to be 'removed' from power for the sake of the country.

David Miliband: Nato troops stuck in an Afghanistan 'stalemate'. How did we end up with this fool as Foreign Secretary.

Robert Mugabe binges on champagne and caviar as Zimbabwe starves. Send him a MOAB instead of Moet.

16 illegals sue Arizona rancher. I wasn't aware that illegals had rights.

No He Can't....by Anne Wortham. Someone else doesn't support Obambi.

Not the change she wanted. A mother of a USS Cole victim sticks it to Obambi.

The case for bonuses. There isn't one.

It was Balls. Maybe he is after the top job.

and finally.

Not Yours To Give Davy Crockett on Government Handouts. (H/T JM Heinrichs)

Fail Test on a Jet Engine.......

Things you learn as a Redneck ...

1. An opossum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.
2. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South ..
3. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live near us ..
4. If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha.
5. 'Onced' and 'Twiced' are words.
6. It is not a shopping cart, it's a buggy.
7. 'Jaw-P?' means, 'Did y'all go to the bathroom?
8. People actually grow and eat okr
9. 'Fixinto' is one word.
10. There is no such thing as 'lunch.' There is only dinner and then there is supper..
11. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals, and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar.
12. Backwards and forwards means, 'I know everything about you.'
13. The word 'jeet' is actually a phrase meaning, 'Did you eat ?'
14. You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you're done or it's too dark to see.
15. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH EM.
16. You measure distance in minutes.
17. You switch from heat to A/C in the same day.
18. All the festivals across our state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.
19. You know what a 'DAWG' is.
20. You carry jumper cables in your car --- for your OWN car.
21. You only own five spices: salt, pepper, Texas Pete, Tabasco and Ketchup.
22. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip and high school football.
23. You learn that the first day of deer season is like a national holiday.
24. You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit 'a bit warm.'
25. You know all four seasons: Almost summer, summer, still summer, and Christmas.
26. Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite past time known as 'goin' Wal-Martin' or 'off to Wally World.'
27. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good stew weather.
28. Fried catfish is the other white meat.
29. We don't need no dang driver's ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive, dag-nabbit.
30. What's a "Turn Signal"?

H/T Dick B

Monday, 9 February 2009

Bedtime Totty.....

A 'Great' British Invention......'The Fanwing'

This is truly novel.

"One of the few truly new aircraft since the Wright Brothers" Clive Thompson, New York Times

H/T DucSup

Wow: Backyard luge run....

Looks real.....

Two Dudes Perform Dizzying Feat of Strength In John Deere Factory.

H/T JM Heinrichs

Caption Time....

H/T Chad

A Dog tries to save a friend....

H/T Shelly

BEER TEMPERATURE TEST........

For the true and discriminating aficionado, a glass of the finest beer should only be partaken if it is the correct temperature. The subtle nuance of the melded grains...the fragile, fleeting taste of the brewer's art... can only be truly appreciated if that golden elixir is properly chilled.

To this end, advanced studies candidates in the Graduate Engineering Department of The Ohio State University have developed an easy to use, fully portable Beer Temperature Tester, which very accurately determines whether the beverage is acceptably chilled or not. To test the beer, simply insert the tester into the glass.

After the tester has been immersed for a period of not less than fifteen seconds, remove probes and observe:

Click pic to see which is colder.

H/T Rico

Article of the Day....

Pigeons, Rats, and Democrats. It could have been writtten about Labour.

H/T Rico

Mexican words of the day....

1. *Cheese*
The teacher told Pepito to use the word cheese in a sentence. Pepito replies: Maria likes me, but cheese fat.

2. *Mushroom*
When all my family get in the car, there’s not mushroom.

3. *Shoulder*
My fren wanted 2 become a citizen but she didn’t know how to read so I shoulder.

4. * Texas *
My fren always Texas me when I’m not home wondering where I’m at!

5. *Herpes*
Me and my fren ordered pizza. I got mine piece and she got herpes.

6. *July*
Ju told me ju were going to tha store and July to me! Julyer!

7.*Rectum*
I had 2 cars but my wife rectum!

8. *Chicken*
I was going to go to the store with my wife but chicken go herself.

9. *Wheelchair*
We only have one enchilada left, but don’t worry wheelchair.

10. *Chicken* *wing*
My wife plays the lottery so chicken wing.

11. *Harassment*
My wife caught me in bed with another women and I told her honey harassment nothing to me.

12. *Bishop*
My wife fell down the stair so I had to pick the bishop.

13. *Body wash*
I want to go to the club but no body wash my kids.

14. *Budweiser*
That women over there has a nice body, budweiser face so ugly?

H/Ts Everyone