Maggie's Farm also have one.
Monday, 16 March 2009
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Immigration cuts begin......... sadly not here.
Australia cuts migrant job intake. When will our usless bunch of fools do something similar?
News.....
A guard of dishonour. This man should be removed from Britain along with his family.
Keith Vaz and the damning letter: How senior Labour MP 'abused his position' to help crooked lawyer in court. Vaz has always been 'bent'.
First picture of the teenage burglar 'stabbed to death as he broke into house'. Good riddance. There shouldn't be charges again people who defend their homes.
Families across the country are £45,000 poorer as credit crunch continues to bite. Bloody hell.
Signs of 1930s-style depression as families battle debt deflation trap, warns Bank of England. Nothing like a spot of scaremongering to start the week.
Violent attacks by children rise by third under Labour. We must restore discipline in schools and hold parents accountable for their childrens actions.
Russia could deploy bombers to Cuba and Venezuela. What next the Cuban Bomber Crisis.
Thousands of girls mutilated in Britain. So arrest and deport those responsible.
Marxist Muricio Funes is new President of El Salvador. Central America is going to hell. Time to remove Chavez from the equation.
Hugo Chávez tightens his grip on transport hubs. He must be 'stopped'.
Names of misbehaving judges 'should be made public'. And they should be sacked.
Barack Obama's policies leaving US vulnerable to attack, says Cheney.
Britain's first electric supercar gets ready to roll. But for how far?
and finally......
Man Builds 747 Flight Simulator in His Warehouse, Earns Guinness Record. Cool.
A Dead Horse............from Rico
The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed on from generation to
generation, says: "When you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the
best strategy is to dismount."
However, in government, education, and in corporate America, more advanced
strategies are often employed, such as:
1. Buying a heavier, longer whip.
2. Charging the current rider with a felony to divert attention from the fact that the horse appears impaired.
3. Creating a federal commission to certify that the dead horse is a problem inheirited from the Bush administration and recommend massive spending stimulus measures to turn around the current downward trend in the value of dead horses and reimburse their owners.
4. Arranging Congressional fact-finding visits to other countries to see how other cultures ride dead horses and fund their upkeep.
5. Establishing that the horse was, in fact, a minority horse which was disadvantaged to death as a result of discrimination suffered under the Bush admistration, and announce a Justice Department probe to ferret out the guilty vice-president and and bring him to justice.
6. Reclassifying the dead horse as merely living-impaired and announce the formation
of a federally funded outreach program to be called "No Living-impaired Horse Left Behind".
7. Hiring additional Booz-Hamilton contractors uniquely skilled at riding dead horses.
8. Harnessing several dead horses together to form a focus group.
9. Creating a federal program within the Department of Health, Education and Welfare for the rehabilitation of dead horses to return them to meaningful roles in society.
10. Funding a productivity study under DARPA to determine if a special corps of lightweight riders (to be provided by Booz-Hamilton) would improve the dead horse's performance sufficiently to justify long term changes in the force structure.
11. Declaring that since this dead horse does not have to be fed, costs less to buy,
and has lower long-term overhead, it actually represents a much better investment in America's future than any programs from previous administrations, and more dead government horses will be procured from a no-bid supplier located adjacent to the Chicago Stockyards.
12. Rewriting (lowering) the required performance standards for all horses, thereby blurring the unfair distinction between living and dead horses.
And of course....
13. Promoting the dead horse to a government supervisory position, which removes
the requirement for him to move around or be ridden.
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Goldilocks & the three bears
A far more accurate account in the Bears' house of the events on that fateful morning...
Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?" he squeaks.
Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl and it is also empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?!?" he roars.
Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, "For God's sake, how many times do I have to go through this with you idiots?
It was Mummy Bear who got up first.
It was Mummy Bear who woke everyone in the house.
It was Mummy Bear who made the coffee.
It was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away.
It was Mummy Bear who swept the floor in the kitchen.
It was Mummy Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper and croissants.
It was Mummy Bear who set the damn table.
It was Mummy Bear who walked the bloody dog, cleaned the cats' litter tray, gave them their food, and refilled their water.
And now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-asses downstairs and grace Mummy Bear with your grumpy presence, listen carefully, because I'm only going to say this once....
I HAVEN'T MADE THE F***ING PORRIDGE YET".
H/T Liz B
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