Theo Spark

Thursday, 30 April 2009

Light News.....

Now let them stay! Humiliating defeat for Brown forces rethink over Gurkhas... but news comes too late for one hero. A battle won but not victory yet.

Teachers to be given lessons in how to wash their hands. Try lessons in teaching.

Recession could spark riots and civil disorder, minister warns. Silly cow talking up trouble.

World at imminent risk of swine flu pandemic as WHO raises threat level. Oh crap!

Donkey ‘suicide’ bombing is latest tactic against patrols. Poor bloody donkeys. Time to hit the Taleban with swine flu.

PoW who helped to dig Great Escape tunnel dies at 97. A hero.

Military loses battle over Afghanistan troop boost. Time the Army 'removed' Brown from the equation.

Egypt orders slaughter of all pigs over swine flu. That's it blame the pigs.

and finally.....

Obama’s Gaffes and Gimmicks: All from the first 100 days... (H/T Shelly)

Jonathan Gabay's forthcoming new book Soul Traders could well ruffle a few feathers in "Corporate America". Soul Traders is a hard-hitting analysis of the impact of propaganda and spin on popular culture - from the way Hezbollah uses the web as a recruitment tool, to branding ploys, recession double-speak and the rise of a celebrity hegemony.

Wednesday, 29 April 2009

Bedtime Totty...

Serves him right.....

H/T Peter Gunn

Film Review: 'Quantum of Solace'

Short Review: The film is great when Bond is punching guys and being chased - but do we need to see him pout and mope? We pay to see Bond kick butt, not cry in his beer.

Read Scott's full review
HERE

I want one.....

H/T Dick B

In case you have forgotten......

OBJECTIVE

To disengage a bra without looking like an idiot.

WHAT YOU NEED

1) Girl with bra
2) Two functional hands
3) Common Sense

TECHNIQUES

1) THE HOUDINI HUG -- Using sleight-of-hand, place arms around girl and unhook bra. Try to refrain from saying, "Ta-da!"

2) MCGYVER'S OFF-THE-SHOULDER SLIDE -- An alternative method to use after ten minutes of unsuccessful hugging.

3) HILTON'S LAST RESORT -- Beg like a dog and learn to absorb the harsh sound of wicked laughter.
DO NOT USE: scissors, blowtorch, pliers, wire strippers, cutlery, Black Magic, staple remover, chainsaw, brute strength, CB4, set of lock picks, or chisel and hammer.

WARNING: When removing a bra you should not say the following:

1) "I really want to thank you for this."
2) "Dammit! I thought they were bigger."
3) "Do you have any cereal?"

H/T DMl

H/T DML

Campaign: The Gurkha Justice Campaign

The Gurkha Justice Campaign Fights On...

Joanna Lumley on the Gurkha Justice Campaign

Sign the Petition HERE

I urge all our readers to sign this petition. The Gurkhas deserve our support. They are some of the nicest and bravest troops it has been my pleasure to meet. It doesn't matter where you are, but it matters that the petition gets every signature it can get.

H/T DML

Cartoon Round Up....

Bonus Babe....

Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a Redneck, was drafted by the Army.
On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb.
That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush.
That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap.
The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.

H/T M Kohl