161. The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
162. Impotence: Nature’s way of saying “No hard feelings”.
163. Do you realize that in about 40 years, we’ll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?
164. There are three kinds of people: The ones who learn by reading. The ones who learn by observation. And the rest of them who have to touch the fire to learn it’s hot.
165. We are all time travellers moving at the speed of exactly 60 minutes per hour
166. America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won’t cross the street to vote.
167. To err is human, to blame it on somebody else shows management potential.
168. Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers.
169. Only in America… do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
170. Vegetarian: Native American definition for “lousy hunter”.
171. Materialism: buying things we don’t need with money we don’t have to impress people that don’t matter.
172. The Miss Universe pageant is fixed. All the winners are from Earth.
173. It matters not whether you win or lose: what matters is whether I win or lose.
174. If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
175. Don’t piss me off! I’m running out of places to hide the bodies.
176. Progress is made by lazy men looking for an easier way to do things.
177. See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.
178. I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, “Well, that’s not going to happen.”
179. Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface.
180. The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
H/T DML
Saturday, 14 November 2009
A few more one-liners.............
Friday, 13 November 2009
Funny: Sarkozy wants a VIP box.......
Click to enlarge they are in sequence left to right.
H/T DML
also.......Corrigan Brothers... Heres to Trapatonni
NEW School prayer:
WRITTEN BY A 15-yr-old SCHOOL KID:
Now I sit me down in school
Where praying is against the rule
For this great nation under God
Finds mention of Him very odd.
If Scripture now the class recites,
It violates the Bill of Rights.
And anytime my head I bow
Becomes a Federal matter now.
Our hair can be purple, orange or green,
That's no offence; it's a freedom scene.
The law is specific, the law is precise.
Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice.
For praying in a public hall
Might offend someone with no faith at all.
In silence alone we must meditate,
God's name is prohibited by the state.
We're allowed to cuss and dress like freaks,
And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks.
They've outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible.
To quote the Good Book makes me liable.
It's 'inappropriate' to teach right from wrong,
We're taught that such 'judgments' do not belong.
But the Ten Commandments are not allowed,
No word of God must reach this crowd.
Its scary here I must confess,
When chaos reigns the school's a mess.
So, Lord, this silent plea I make:
Should I be shot; My soul please take!
Amen
H/T Nebraska Bob
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News.......
Welcome Thought Criminals, Kuffars & Apostates to The Infidel Blogger Awards 2nd Edition!
Global Warming Hoax Weekly Round-Up, Nov. 12th 2009
Wing Commander Jack Rose
Nidal Malik Hasan Charged With 13 Counts of Murder: Defense Attorney Raises Questions of 'Fair Trial at Fort Hood'
The MoD can barely run itself, let alone a war in Afghanistan
US prosecutors to seize mosques and skyscraper suspected of funding Iran
Barack Obama demands exit strategy in Afghanistan
Mexican businessmen ask for UN peacekeepers to police drugs war
South Africa minister tells police to 'shoot the bastards'
Rift in US war Cabinet as Obama throws out all options in debate over troop surge
A Few More One Liners.........
141. If you can stay calm while all around you is chaos, then you probably haven’t completely understood the situation.
142. You know, they got a luggage store in the airport? A place to buy a piece of luggage? How late do you have to be for a flight where you’re like, ‘Fuck it – just grab a pile of shit. We’ll get a bag at the airport’.
143. It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world everyday always just exactly fits the newspaper.
144. Hard work never killed anyone, but why take the chance?
145. Without nipples, breasts would be pointless.
146. According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.
147. I have all the money I’ll ever need – if I die by 4:00 p.m. today.
148. Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted.
149. Two years ago I married a lovely young virgin, and if that doesn’t change soon, I’m gonna divorce her.
150. Dogs have masters. Cats have staff.
151. Isn’t it odd the way everyone automatically assumes that the goo in soap dispensers is always soap? I like to fill mine with mustard, just to teach people a lesson in trust.
152. Well aren’t you a waste of two billion years of evolution.
153. The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously.
154. When you choke a smurf, what colour does it turn?
155. Archaeologist: someone whose career lies in ruins.
156. Join The Army, visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.
157. Women should not have children after 35. Really… 35 children are enough.
158. Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give their vacuum one more chance?
159. I don’t have an attitude; I have a personality you can’t handle.
160. I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.
H/T DML
Is There an App for That?
Some Folks Have No Humor Department:
"A conservative filmmaker in Hollywood thought he had developed a worthwhile iPhone app: a telephone directory listing every U.S. senator and congressman, with caricatures of the legislators drawn by an artist." Apple's Rejection of iPhone App Showing Political Caricatures Rankles Creator
White House Counsel Greg Craig is Leaving. Not enough Urdu in 'Greg-Craig'? More like "a perceived failure to manage the political issues that have originated from Mr. Obama's decision to close Guantanamo, according to officials in the administration and in Congress."
She is Gone. We're all for "perceived failures" for this administration, as in the kind that resulted in Chairman Dunn, The White House Communications Director, having to leave her post to go be stupid somewhere else. R. Emmett Tyrrell (aka "Mickey") has a theory:
"My guess is that Dunn's expressed admiration for Mao is the cause of her departure. For this revelation I suppose we have to thank Fox's Glenn Beck."
That would be our guess as well. Somewhere in China, a Yak is bellowing -- or whatever they do -- with glee.
How did Major Hussan get promoted to Psycho Killer?
Glenn Beck Clips 11-10-09 Seg4 of 6 How Did Hasan Get Moved Up Thru The Ranks?
Kismet: Beaver Pees on CBS Correspondent
Thursday, 12 November 2009
Some nutter in New Zealand....
is building a full sized bowling ball throwing trebuchet next year.
And of course by "some nutter" I mean me. I'll post photos as we go. What could possibly go wrong????
Someone start a fund for bail money just in case.
