A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right at the fifty yard line. It was exciting too, a real nail biter. After the game, he asked her if she had a good time
“Oh, I really liked it,” she replied, “especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but… I just couldn’t understand why they were all killing each other over 25 cents.
Dumbfounded, her date asked, “What do you mean?
“Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: ‘Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!’ I’m like…Helloooooo? It’s only 25 cents!”
H/T DML
Tuesday, 18 August 2009
I don't get football...............
O'change for YOU and I..............from Rico
Obama. O'change. O crap!
Here is some CHANGE that socialism (D) can do for YOU and I!
Once upon a time, just after evil Rhodesia became the good Zimbabwe under that socialist economic genius Bobby Mugabe, the Zimbabwe dollar was worth MORE than the US Dollar.
Now, after a mere twenty years it takes several trillion Zimbabwe dollars to ride the bus and socialist Zimbabwe is one of the few world currencies that has ever had to adjust the font size on its notes to accommodate the number of zeroes required as the currency devalues.
We can all look forward to a brighter future under Obama's Zimbabwe economics.
Everyone a trillionaire! Thanks Democrats (C)!
- Be prepared: Ditch those wallets and purses and rush out an get wheelbarrows so you can haul your money to the store to buy bread and milk!
Oh YAY? ....or O crap?
So, What Do Canadians Have To Be Proud Of ?
1. Smarties
2. Crispy Crunch, Coffee Crisp
3. The size of our footballs fields, one less down, and bigger balls.
4. Baseball is Canadian - First game June 4, 1838 - Ingersoll , ON
5. Lacrosse is Canadian
6. Hockey is Canadian
7. Basketball is Canadian
8. Apple pie is Canadian
9. Mr. Dress-up beats Mr. Rogers
10. Tim Hortons beats Dunkin' Donuts
11. In the war of 1812, started by America , Canadians pushed the Americans back past their White House. Then we burned it, and most of Washington .. We got bored because they ran away. Then, we came home and partied.. Go figure.
12. Canada has the largest French population that never surrendered to Germany .
13. We have the largest English population that never ever surrendered or withdrew during any war to anyone, anywhere. EVER. (We got clobbered in the odd battle but. Prevailed in ALL the wars)
14. Our civil war was fought in a bar and lasted a little over an hour.
15. The only person who was arrested in our civil war was an American mercenary, he slept in and missed the whole thing. He showed up just in time to get caught.
16. A Canadian invented Standard Time.
17. The Hudsons Bay Company once owned over 10% of the earth's surface and is still around as the world's oldest company.
18. The average dog sled team can kill and devour a full grown human in under 3 minutes.
(That's more information than I need!)
19. We know what to do with all the parts of a buffalo.
20. We don't marry our kin-folk.
21. We invented ski-doos, jet-skis, Velcro, zippers, insulin, penicillin, zambonis and the telephone. Also short wave radios that save countless lives each year.
22. We ALL have frozen our tongues to something metal and lived to tell about it.
23. A Canadian invented Superman.
24. We have coloured money.
25. Our beer advertisements kick ass {Incidentally...so does our beer}
BUT MOST IMPORTANT !
The handles on our beer cases are big enough to fit your hands with mitts on. 
H/T Pete H
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Monday, 17 August 2009
Save me from deep space asphyxiation!
Under threat of of being thrown out the air lock I have decided to take the option of telling Oswald Bastable how good his poetry is.
I particularly liked they way he used the imagry to counterpoint the surelism of the underlying metaphore...
alternately you can just buy his book Meddlers in Time yourself. Do it now, do it today before he has a hyperspace by-pass built through our planet.
You can’t change history, can you?
No- but you can make a new reality, when you alter events. ‘Meddlers in Time’ explores the shaping of a parallel earth, by altering events in 9th century England.
A small band of time-traveling adventures recruit a specialist team, mainly of engineers and set about advancing 9th century technology. While doing this, they have to fight off invasions, win over the local population and have a bit of fun along the way.
Buy Waynes book for a paltry $2.50, he needs to buy more handguns and shoot stuff so you know its a good cause.
There are some people who pay for things out of their own hard-earned pay..............
For everyone else, there's MemberCard.
H/T DML
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ALL the money is GONE?............from Rico
For 25 years the politicians have used "our" Social Security money to finance government. This year, or next, it will start paying out more money than it takes in.
The PONZI jig may be up!!!
There is NO MONEY in the Social Security Trust Fund! It has all been spent!
ALL THE MONEY IS GONE.
ALL the money we paid into Social Security in the 1980's, 1990's, and until now isn't there anymore. The government spent it.
- There are only stacks of IOU's from the government to itself in the Soc. Sec. Trust Fund. No cash. No money. No kidding.
Try buying anything with THOSE why don't you?
- Well, those California IOU's went over so well, why not?
Thanks to the collective economic genius of Congress, we are hosed. Wonderful.
Poem of the Day.....
The leviathan of the sky does land
In England's green and pleasant land.
Its cargo more precious than gold
The body of a hero, bold.
Once the giant's engines stopped
The cargo ramp is gently dropped
Carried by six on shoulders true
The hero is saluted by the crew.
The coffin draped in Union Jack
Is slowly carried out the back.
Out of the dark and into light
Slowly down the ramp and to the right.
The six approach the hearse all black
And place the hero gently in the back.
The six then turn and march away
Their duty has been done this day.
Politicians usually have much to say
No sign of them near here this day.
They hide away and out of danger,
Much easier if the hero is a stranger.
The hearse with its precious load
Moves slowly out onto the road.
The floral tributes line the route
While comrades snap a smart salute.
At the edge of a Wiltshire town
The cortege slows its pace right down.
The streets are packed, many deep,
Some throw flowers, most just weep.
The crowd have come to say farewell,
The church bell rings a low death knell.
Regimental standards are lowered down
As the hero passed through the town.
The cortege stops and silence reigns
The townsfolk feel the family's pain.
The nations' flag lowered to half mast
Our brave hero is home at last.
Andy MacFarlane 2009
Shamelessly 'borrowed' from the Daily Mail
H/T Liz B
Joke...
A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and pair of running boards."
The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?"
"No," the cook said. "Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon."
"Oh, OK!" said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.
The trucker asked, "What are the beans for, Blondie?"
She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!"
H/T AJD
Obama's "new" health care plan...........from Rico
Maybe the "townhalls" have been more effective than I thought they would be (either because of the angry citizens or the outrage over union and ACORN goons beating them up brown-shirt style)?
Obamadinejad is trying a new approach....a new plan, let's say to snooker the American public into accepting his lunatic 'healthcare reform' sceme.
- Well, cash-for-clunkers worked so well that just 'maybe' this one will too?
Does it work for you? 
QUOTES from the Masters . . .
"You only have to solve two problems when going to the moon: first, how to get there; and second, how to get back. The key is don't leave until you have solved both problems." - Neil Armstrong
More on Problem Solving, Courage, Goals, Life & Living . . . STORMBRINGER
Why is it?
Why is it…. if you cross the North Korean border illegally you get 12 years hard labor……
but if you cross the U.S. border illegally, you get a driver’s license, Social Security card, and free health care?
Whose bright idea was this?
H/T DML
Misnomers...............
A misnomer is a term which suggests an interpretation that is known to be untrue. Here are a few examples:
An inchworm is neither an inch long, nor a worm.
Greenland is icy and Iceland is greener.
Panama hats are not made in Panama, but Ecuador.
The “lead” in pencils is made of graphite and clay, not lead.
Northwestern University is in northeastern Illinois, a midwestern state.
“Tin foil” is almost always actually aluminum.
Catgut is made from sheep intestines.
The Hundred Years’ War did not last for 100 years but 116.
Head cheese is actually a meat product.
“Horny toads” or “horned frogs” are actually lizards.
Though a starfish is star-shaped, as the name suggests, it is not a fish.
The titmouse is a bird, not a mouse.
Jellyfish are not fish.
The Washington Redskins play in Landover, Maryland.
The New York Jets and New York Giants play in East Rutherford, New Jersey.
Scotland Yard is located in England.
The “funny bone” is not a bone — the phrase instead refers to the ulnar nerve.
During its peak, rush hour often lasts more than an hour, with very little, if any, movement.
A parkway is a type of street or road where parking is generally prohibited.
A residential driveway is intended for parking.
H/T DML
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