H/T Nebraska Bob
Wednesday, 26 March 2008
WTF....
More Than Bluebirds in the Sky. The bloody Mussies want to start blaring their religious crap through loudspeakers. Not in my bloody country they don't.
H/T Nebraska Bob
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Apache Flying Through Afghanistan Really Fast And Low
Pity about the music....the rest is brilliant.
News...
Shameless: Speaker in £100,000 court bid to keep MPs' expenses secret, and YOU pick up the bill. Time to throw this crooked socialist pig into the gutter.
Britain's iconic Jaguar and Land Rover set to be sold to new Indian owners in a £1billion deal. Proof of how storng the Indian economy is becoming. We need to trade with them and tell the Chinese to take a hike.
This summer's Olympics won't make a blind bit of difference to Chinese tyranny and it's naive to think they will. Sad but true. The only way to hurt China is to stop buying their products. My new tumble drier was made in Britain.
Tory councillor who suggested parents on benefits should be sterilised is forced to quit. Why? Excellent idea.
Iraq's 'final showdown' with militia men. Hit them hard and fast. We must try to seal the borders to stop them 'retreating' to Iran, where a lot of them came from.
Garden birds numbers down by 20 per cent. Too many cats.
Singapore Airlines grounds A380 superjumbo. Ooops! I would hate this subsidised 'white elephant' to turn out to be unreliable.
Vladimir Putin and Dmitry Medvedev almost the same, Egyptian president says. Sharp cookie old Mubarak. I am surprised no-one else has come up with that theory before!!!!
Sarkozy threatens boycott of Beijing Olympic Games opening ceremony. He has obviously worked out that French Athletes will not be winning anything so is saving their blushes!!
US blunder sent nuclear components to Taiwan. Blunder!! How long does it take to copy a bit of kit before you have to send it back?
Sage advice.....
In these troubled times, it has become very difficult to distinguish the good towel-heads from the bad towel heads. Just where are the moderate Muslims, anyway? Do they actually exist?
The following is provided, to help you distinguish between a BAD 'towel-head' and a GOOD 'towel-head.' You must study the pictures carefully so that you will not confuse the two in a moment of indecision... it could save your life!
BAD Towel-head.....click pic for GOOD Towel-head (NSFWish)
H/T Stormbringer
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More laws...
Law of the Theater
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
Law of Coffee
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Murphy's Law of Lockers
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
Law of Rugs/Carpets
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.
Law of Location
No matter where you go, there you are.
Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
Brown's Law
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
Oliver's Law
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Wilson's Law
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it. (this one is true every time!)
Doctors' Law
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.
Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.
H/T Shelly
A little more on marriage....
"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't." - Patrick Murray
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Nash
"The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once..." - Anonymous
"You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to." - Henny Youngman
"My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met." - Rodney Dangerfield
"A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong." - Milton Berle
"Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy." - Anonymous
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine." - Anonymous
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
H/T Shelly
Tuesday, 25 March 2008
Friends.....
CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Get upset if you are too busy to talk to them for a week
MILITARY FRIENDS: Are glad to see you after many years; and will happily carry on the same conversation you were having last time you met.
CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Never ask for food
MILITARY FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food
CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr and Mrs
MILITARY FRIENDS: Call your parents Mum and Dad
CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and then tell you what you did was wrong
MILITARY FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you saying, 'Mate...we stuffed up ....but what a giggle?
CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry
MILITARY FRIENDS: Cry with you
CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back
MILITARY FRIENDS: Keep your stuff so long they forget it is yours
CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Know a few things about you
MILITARY FRIENDS: Could write a book with a shed full of direct quotes from you
CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing
MILITARY FRIENDS: Will kick the backsides of whole crowds that left you behind
CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Would knock on your door
MILITARY FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, 'I'm home, got any beer!
CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Share a few experiences.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Share a lifetime of experiences no civilian could ever dream of.
CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you've had enough
MILITARY FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say,'You had better drink the rest of that, don't waste it. Then they carry you home and put you safely to bed.
CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will talk crap to the person who talks crap about you.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Will knock the crap out of people who use your name in vain
CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Know where you buried the body
MILITARY FRIENDS: Helped you bury the body
CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will call you 'mate' as a term of endearment
MILITARY FRIENDS: Will call you 'Wanker'or 'Tosser' as a term of endearment
CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Are for a while.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Are for life.
CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will ignore this
MILITARY FRIENDS: Will forward this to their military mates
H/T The Chosen Man
Portugese Gas Station Distracts Customers From High Prices
This is one idea I would be happy to adopt from Europe.
Gas Station Distracts Customers From High Prices - Watch more free videos
Hillarycare: UK style.....
My 7-year-old son, a tiny splinter and the five-hour farce that shows how the NHS has lost the plot. The NHS is a joke as are most of Britain's services. When a Labour luvvie like Humphreys starts ranting you know we are in trouble.
The 'hardest' detail in the US Army!!!!
U.S. Army Pfc. Joshua Suttle, of 5th Battalion, 25th Field Artillery Regiment, 4th Brigade Combat Team, 10th Mountain Division, briefs television personality Bonnie-Jill Laflin, assistant general manager for the Los Angeles Lakers Development League, on the M-4 weapon system during the Ambassadors of Hollywood Tour sponsored by Morale, Welfare and Recreation on Forward Operating Base Rustamiyah in Baghdad, Iraq, March 13, 2008. (U.S. Air Force photo by Staff Sgt. Jason T. Bailey)
If a dog worries sheep you shoot it...
Yobs kill pregnant ewe. Any suggestions as to what we should do with them...
Top Gear - Polar special part 1
Toyota Hilux races Dog Sled to the Magnetic North Pole.
Part 2 tommorrow
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Laws part 1.
Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Law of Probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act .
Law of the Telephone: If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
Law of the Bath: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
H/T Shelly
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Obama Girl Is Back Again
Obama Girl Is Back Again - Watch more free videos
I prefer her as Nobama Girl.
News....
Army red tape splits family. Ridiculous. If Andrew Crozier has any sense he will move to Canada with his family. I am sure the Canucks will be pleased to have him.
Fury at buses' 30-mile EU limit. Stuff the EU. Let's do things our way.
Librarian fired for reporting child pornography. WTF...ok it is in the parallel universe called California where it seems Federal Laws are open to 'interpretation' by our loony liberal friends. The librarian should be put in charge of the library.
It's the end of Britain as we know it. Not yet it's not but it's coming close.
Fierce clashes break out in Basra. Our biggest mistake has been to allow Moqtada to live this long. He should have been 'nobbled' 5 years ago.
NUT debates school Army ban. Any sane parent should refuse to allow their children to be taught by a member of the NUT. This Trotskiite organisation has doe more to destroy education in this country than all the idiot politicians put together.
The REAL cost of inflation: Why family bills 'have gone up by £1,400 in one year'. Gordon Brown is in denial. He still thinks he is the greatest Chancellor ever. History will prove the opposite.
I would like to have a baby with a gay friend, says Tara Palmer-Tomkinson. Poor old 'Potty Totty'. The plot has been well and truly lost.
Panic stations! Gordon Brown has convened crisis committee Cobra once a fortnight since. It is because he hasn't a clue as to what he is doing!!
Olympic turmoil: Dissident is shocked with electric batons in court and Tibet protesters hijack torch-lighting ceremony. We should start to look at the sponsors of the Olympics. There are companies who should have to answer serious questions as to their support for the Chinese Govt's Olympics. We will go to war with China if there is not a democratic change soon.
Judges 'turning a blind eye' to gun crime. I think you will find that most Judges turn a blind eye to most crime. We need to start electing our Judges or get the Queen to appoint them. I trust her 'judgement' it's a pity she is surrounded by worthless sycophants.
Snow White 'made people go green'. Not the version I saw!!!
Car costs are soaring under Labour. As is everything else.
15mph speed limit to force people out of cars. It's more likely to force the Government out of office.
Government officials flew 300m miles in 2007. Make the bastards walk.
Activists still hope to ban the atomic bomb. Can I drop one on them, pleeease.
Robert Mugabe vows rival will not take power. Better put our airborne forces on stand by. They will be needed if we care at all about the future of Zimbabwe.
If you think it’s bad here, don’t try Switzerland. Which idiot came up with this rubbish. Britain is simmering and will explode if things do not change pretty soon.
For a more serious look at what's going on go visit Instapundit
Handy Engineering Conversions....
Time between slipping on a peel and smacking pavement: 1 bananosecond
Weight an evangelist carries with God: 1 billigram
Half of a large intestine: 1 semicolon
1000 aches: 1 megahurtz
Basic unit of laryngitis: 1 hoarsepower
Shortest distance between two jokes: A straight line (think about it for a moment)
2000 mockingbirds: 2 kilomockingbirds
10 cards: 1 decacards
1 kilogram of falling figs: 1 Fig Newton
1 trillion pins: 1 terrapin
10 rations: 1 decoration
100 rations: 1 C-ration
2 monograms: 1 diagram
8 nickels: 2 paradigms
2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital: 1 I.V. League
100 Senators: Not 1 decision
H/T Shelly
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