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Wednesday, 18 June 2008
Sweet time had by all.
Mr Cadbury and Miss Rowntree met on a Double Decker, it was After Eight.
She was from Quality Street , he was a Fisherman's Friend.
On the way they stopped at a Yorkie Bar, he had a Rum and Butter, she had a Wine Gum.
He asked her name, "Polo, I'm the one with the hole" she said.
"I'm the one with the nuts," he thought! Then he touched her Milky Way.
They checked in to a hotel, and went straight to the bedroom. Mr Cadbury turned out the light for a bit of Black Magic.
It wasn't long before he slipped his hand into her Snickers and felt her Cream Egg. He fondled her Flap Jacks then he showed her his Curly Wurly and Tic Tacs.
Miss Rowntree wasn't keen to have any Jelly Babies, so she let him take a trip down Bourneville Boulevard via her Party Ring. He was pleased as he always fancied a bit of Fudge. It was a magic moment as she let out a scream of Turkish Delight.
When he pulled out, his fun size Mars Bar it felt a bit Crunchie. She wanted more, but he needed Time Out, however, he noticed her Pink Wafers looked very appetizing. He did a Twirl, had a Picnic in her Sherbet Dip and finished off by giving her a Gob Stopper!
Unfortunately, Mr Cadbury then had to go home to his wife, Caramel. Sadly,3 days later his Magnum lolly started to drip. It turned out Miss Rowntree had been with Bertie Basset who had Allsorts!!!
H/T AJD Shootist
Nigella v Reality...
1. Nigella's Way
Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice-cream drips .
The Real Woman's Way
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Goodness sake. You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway.
2. Nigella's Way
To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
The Real Woman's Way
Buy Smash and keep it in the cupboard for up to a year.
3. Nigella's Way
When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking tin, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
The Real Woman's Way
Tesco sell cakes. They even do decorated versions.
4. Nigella's Way
If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a potato slice.
The Real Woman's Way
If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's tough! Please recite with me the Real Woman's motto: 'I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes.'
5. Nigella's Way
Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks
The Real Woman's Way
It could keep forever. Who eats it?
6. Nigella's Way
Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
The Real Woman's Way
Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and drop it in 8 ounces of vodka. Drink the vodka. You might still have the headache, but you won't care!
7. Nigella's Way
If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
The Real Woman's Way
Why do I have a man?
8. Nigella's Way
Freeze leftover wine into ice cubes for future use in casseroles
The Real Woman's Way
leftover wine????
H/T AJD Shootist
Tuesday, 17 June 2008
Al Queda 1 - British Justice 0
Radical Cleric To Be Released On Bail. The Court of Appeal just lost it's credibility. We need some new judges.
A letter in the Times on the theme of Franglais.
Apparently a new motto was required for the French Navy.
They decided upon 'To the water: it is time'.
In French 'A l'eau: c'est l'heure';
In Franglais 'allo saileur!'
H/T Joker
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Light News....
Chip and bin farce: 'Pay-as-you-throw' pilot scheme is axed after fly-tipping soars and computers crash. More taxpayers money wasted. This won't be the end of our rubbish being monitored, they will find another way.
The police officers that collect full pay for doing an hour a day. There are policemen that 'work'!!
UK inflation set to hit highest in a decade. And that will be the Governments 'preferred figure'.
Britain 'knew about Simon Mann coup plot'. Of course they did. Who do you think tipped off the bad guys!!!
Al Gore endorses Barack Obama's new vision. Well that should be a big 'help'!!
Father who killed children sent 'bomb' to his wife. Hopefully this tragedy will highlight the way fathers are mistreated by the divorce courts.
Robert Mugabe warns Zimbabwe's voters: 'How can a pen fight a gun?'. Rwanda mk 2.
Iraq gives al-Mahdi militia deadline to surrender its weapons. This is so long overdue. The Mehdi Army should have been wiped out years ago.
Oil price edges closer to $140 a barrel. I wonder how much of this 'oil trading' is being manipulated by Soros et al. He is just nutty enough to want to wreck the US economy for his own perverted political beliefs. And if he can make money as well he will. Remember he made a billion on Black Wednesday 1992 when he helped to wreck the British Economy.
The Baghdad 'Barrage Balloon'.......
Soldiers of Headquarters, Headquarters Troop, 1st Squadron, 152nd Cavalry, 76th Infantry Brigade Combat Team (Indiana Army National Guard) prepare to moor the 17M Liberty Rapid Initial Aerial Deployment or ‘Aerostat’ at Camp Liberty, Baghdad, June 14, 2008. Photo by Staff Sgt. James E. Brown, Jr., 76th Infantry Brigade Combat Team.
H/T Darkpixel
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An Amish Story....
An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day. The daughter said to her mother, 'My hands are freezing cold.'
The mother replied, 'Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up.'
The daughter did, and her hands warmed up.
The next day, the daughter was riding with her boyfriend who said,'My hands are freezing cold.'
The girl replied, 'Put them between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm them up.' He did and warmed his hands.
The following day, the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter.
He said, 'My nose is cold.'
The girl replied, 'Put it between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm it up'.
He did and warmed his nose.
The next day the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter, and he said,
'My penis is frozen solid.'
The following day the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother
again, and she says to her mother, 'Have you ever heard of a penis?'
Slightly concerned the mother said,' Why, yes....?! Why do you ask?'
The daughter replies: 'They make one hell of a mess when they defrost, don't they!!'
H/T AJD Shootist
Monday, 16 June 2008
British Army to get light weight patrol vehicle....
...in order to save money the MOD has 'called up' the reserve vehicle fleet.
Only if Farrah's got a tandem......
....it is now the equivalent of $10.70 at my local station.
H/T Mark Scott
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