Sunday, 22 November 2009
The Sunday Best....
The 'Hockey Stick' Scandal
My newspaper caved in to Richard Warman, and all I got was this lousy headache
Iraq report: Secret papers reveal blunders and concealment
Lieutenant Paddy Rice 'luckiest soldier in Afghanistan' after Taliban sniper shooting
Royal Navy used 'Spanish flag' for target practice off Gibraltar
Afghan governor turned 3,000 men over to Taliban
Afghan pullout is ‘election ploy’ by Gordon Brown
Barack Obama dream fades as China visit fails to bring change
Hugo Chavez praises Carlos the Jackal
the Clarkypoos bit........
Call me a spoilsport but I’m glad my dad wasn’t a lesbian
Land Rover Discovery 4 3.0 TDV6 HSE
and little Jimmy May.....
Car driving end is nigh
Picture: Jon McNaughton's "One Nation Under God."
Click here for the interactive version.
H/T Papa Ray
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VERY BRAVE MAN JOKES ---
How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry It!
What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.
Wha t are the three fastest means of communication?
1) Television
2) Telephone
3) Telawoman
How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.
What should you give a woman who has everything?
A man to show her how to work it.
Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.
How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.
Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
Because they don't have balls to scratch.
Why do women fake orgasms ?
Because they think men care.
If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you
done wrong?
Made her chain too long
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...'
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required
pressure.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told
I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
Women will never be equal to men..
until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
H/T Paul B
The last of the one liners.........
331. It ain’t the jeans that make your butt look fat.
332. Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?
333. When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas!
334. I bet you I could stop gambling.
335. The only difference between the people I’ve dated and Charles Manson is that Manson has the decency to look like a nut case when you first meet him.
336. Sex on TV can’t hurt unless you fall off.
337. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
338. Who invented the brush they put next to the toilet? That thing hurts!
339. If a dog sniffs your ass, you’re probably a bitch.
340. Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor’s office is full of portraits by Picasso.
341. Accept it. Your parents HAVE had sex before.
342. 668 – The neighbour of the beast.
343. I love oral sex…it’s the phone bill I hate.
344. Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.
345. Children in the back seats of cars cause accidents, but accidents in the back seats of cars cause children.
346. I’ve learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.
347. The last time someone listened to a Bush, a bunch of people wandered in the desert for 40 years!
348. Squirrels – nature’s speed bumps.
349. When you go to the drugstore, why are the condoms not in with the other party supplies?
350. It’s bad luck to be superstitious.
351. There are two kinds of people who don’t say much: those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.
352. The reason grandchildren and grandparents get along so well is because they have a common “enemy”.
353. Friends are like condoms: They protect you when things get hard.
354. With a calendar, your days are numbered.
355. If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
356. The sex was so good that even the neighbours had a cigarette.
357. It’s not the bullet that kills you, it’s the hole.
358. I ran three miles today. Finally I said, “Lady take your purse.”
359. If good things come in small packages, then more good things can come in large packages.
360. You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg.
361. My wife ran off with my best friend last week. I miss him!
362. A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life, to be thankful for a good one.
363. A cat, by any other name, is still a sneaky little furball that barfs on the furniture.
364. Laugh and the world laughs with you. Snore and you sleep alone
365. Being in a nudist colony probably takes all the fun out of Halloween.
366. Married men live longer than single men, but they’re a lot more willing to die.
367. If life hands you lemons, break out the tequila!
368. Beauty is only skin deep…but ugly goes all the way to the bone!
369. A cheap shot is a terrible thing to waste.
370. A hard thing about a business is minding your own.
371. Most women don’t know where to look when they’re eating a banana.
372. If you go to sleep with a itching ass you will wake up with a stinking finger …
373. Does time fly when you’re having sex or was it really just one minute?
374. We are all time travellers moving at the speed of exactly 60 minutes per hour
375. If you’re going to ride my ass at least pull my hair and make me scream!
376. The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.
H/T DML
Saturday, 21 November 2009
IRONY SENSED AS GLOBAL WARMINISTAS TWIST ON THE FICKLE FINGER OF FATE
Anybody who doesn't know what's going on here . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . check STORMBRINGER
Sorry Theo - I couldn't resist that headline . . . . . . . . Linnane Sends
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The liberals are asking us to give Obama time.
We agree and think 25 to life would be appropriate.
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America needs Obamacare like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask.
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Q: Have you heard about McDonalds new Obama Value Meal?
A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.
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Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?
A: A fund raiser.
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Q: What's the difference between Obama's cabinet and a penitentiary?
A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers and threats to society.
The other is for housing prisoners.
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If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and It
started to sink, who would be saved? .... America!
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If Nancy Pelosi has her face lifted one more time she'll have a beard!
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Q: What's the difference between Obama and his dog, Bo?
A: Bo has papers.
Medicine Mixing Alert
VERY IMPORTANT TO READ FOR THOSE WHO TAKE MEDICATIONS (especially as we age)
Most people know not to mix certain medicines without consulting their doctors. Some medicines cannot be mixed with certain foods and certainly most of us know not to mix certain medicines with alcohol although, some people think that mixing alcohol and medicine is harmless.
As a public service the AMA and Health Canada have recently published a new warning being distributed via pamphlets in pharmacies across the U.S. and Canada …
Attached is the cover jacket of the pamphlet:
H/T DML
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A few more one-liners
311. Strangers have the best candy.
312. Rap is to music as Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
313. Men are like mascara, they usually run at the first sign of emotion.
314. Trust but verify.
315. The difference between divorce and legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.
316. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
317. The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty.
318. Why do women always ask questions that have no right answers?
319. I ran into my ex the other day, hit reverse, and ran into him again.
320. If a mute kid swears does his mother wash his hands with soap?
321. How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it.
322. I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
323. Why do you need a driver’s license to buy liquor when you can’t drink and drive?
324. Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel shamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, “It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.
325. Your kid may be an honours student, but you’re still an idiot.
326. Insanity is defined as doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.
327. Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
328. It was love at first sight. Then I took a second look !!
329. Everybody is somebody else’s weirdo.
330. I think, therefore I’m single.
H/T DML
Friday, 20 November 2009
Statistical animation
Unemployment rates by county starting in January 2007 (seems like the good old days)
Click here to watch
H/T Dick B
Psalm 2009....gotta' love it.
FIRST BOOK OF GOVERNMENT ..
Obama is the shepherd I did not want.
He leadeth me beside the still factories.
He restoreth my faith in the Republican party.
He guideth me in the path of unemployment for his party's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the bread line,
I shall fear no hunger, for his bailouts are with me.
He has anointed my income with taxes,
My expenses runneth over.
Surely, poverty and hard living will follow me all the days of my life,
And I will live in a mortgaged home forever.
I am glad I am American,
I am glad that I am free.
But I wish I were a dog ...
And Obama were a tree.
H/T Jackie G
A few more one liners.......
291. Be safety conscious. 80% of people are caused by accidents.
292. Without ME, it’s just AWESO.
293. If you do not say it, they can’t repeat it.
294. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then it dawned on me… they were cramming for their finals.
295. Be careful of your thoughts, they may become words at any moment.
296. If you don’t care where you are, then you ain’t lost.
297. Your gene pool could use a little chlorine.
298. You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.
299. I pretend to work as long as they pretend to pay me.
300. You ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you’ve had?
301. You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
302. I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
303. Roses are red violets are blue, I’m schizophrenic and so am I.
304. Ham and Eggs: A day’s work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
305. If the number 2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still number 2?
306. Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful. Hate me because your boyfriend thinks so.
307. Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege!
308. The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
309. The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.
310. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
H/T DML
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News.........
Leahy: We wouldn’t bother to interrogate … Bin Laden?
US warns of rampant Chinese spying
Andrew Sullivan's Palin-Induced Psychosis
Global Warming Hoax Weekly Round-Up, Nov. 19th 2009
War veterans not getting promised NHS priority treatment
Barack Obama may come to regret giving America its moment of vengeance for September 11th
CIA 'ran secret prison for al-Qaeda' in Lithuanian riding school
Cluster of icebergs float close to New Zealand
Large Hadron Collider to be started up after fault forced year-long closure
and finally....
Sarah Palin on O'Reilly Factor: Media Elite 'Fear Voice from Heartland of America'
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