H/T Old Dude
Tuesday, 24 November 2009
"The Holy Gospel of John (Moses Browning)"
1 In the beginning was the 1911, and the 1911 was THE pistol, and it was good. And behold the Lord said, "Thou shalt not muck with my disciple John's design for it is good and it workith. For John made the 1911, and lo all of his weapons, from the designs which I, the Lord, gave him upon the mountain."
2 "And shouldst thou muck with it, and hang all manner of foul implements upon it, and profane its internal parts, thou shalt surely have malfunctions, and in the midst of battle thou shalt surely come to harm."
3 And as the ages passed men in their ignorance and arrogance didst forget the word of the Lord and began to profane the 1911. The tribe of the gamesman did place recoil spring guides and extended slide releases upon the 1911 and their metal smiths didst tighten the tolerances and alter parts to their liking, their clearness of mind being clouded by lust.
4 Their artisans did hang all manner of foul implements upon the 1911 and did so alter it that it became impractical to purchase. For lo, the artisans didst charge a great tax upon the purchasers of the 1911 so that the lowly field worker could not afford one. And the profaning of the internal parts didst render it unworkable when the dust of the land fell upon it.
5 And lo, they didst install adjustable sights, which are an abomination unto the Lord. For they doth break and lose their zero when thou dost need true aim. And those who have done so will be slain in great numbers by their enemies in the great battle. And they didst chamber it for cartridges who's calibers startith with numbers less than the Holy Number 4. And lo the Lord did cause great grief amongst these men when their enemies who were struck in battle with these lesser numbers didst not fall but did continue to cause great harm.
6 And it came to pass that the Lord didst see the abomination wrought by man and didst cause, as he had warned, fearful malfunctions to come upon the abominations and upon the artisans who thought they could do no wrong.
7 Seeing the malfunctions and the confusion of men, the lord of the underworld did see an opportunity to further ensnare man and didst bring forth pistols made of plastic, whose form was such that they looked and felt like a brick, yet the eyes of man being clouded, they were consumed by the plastic pistol and did buy vast quantities of them.
8 And being a deceitful spirit the lord of the underworld did make these plastic pistols unamenable to the artisans of earth and they were unable to muck much with the design, and lo these pistols did appear to function.
9 And the evil one also brought forth pistols in which the trigger didst both cock and fire them and which require a "dingus" to make them appear safe.
10 But man being stupid did not understand these new pistols and didst proceed to shoot themselves with the plastic pistol and with the trigger cocking pistols for lo their manual of arms required great intelligence which man had long since forsaken. Yet man continue to gloat over these new pistols blaming evil forces for the negligent discharges which they themselves had committed.
11 And when man had been totally ensnared with the plastic pistol, the lord of the underworld didst cause a plague of the terrible Ka-Boom to descend upon man and the plastic pistols delivered their retribution upon men. And there was a great wailing and gnashing of teeth in the land.
12 Then seeing that the eyes of man were slowly being opened and that man was truly sorrowful for his sinful misdeeds, the Lord did send his messengers in the form of artisans who did hear and obey the teachings of the prophet and who didst restore the profaned 1911s to their proper configuration, and lo, to the amazement of men they didst begin to work as the prophet had intended.
13 And the men of the land didst drive out the charlatans and profaners from the land, and there was joy and peace in the land, except for the evil sprits which tried occasionally to prey on the men and women of the land and who were sent to the place of eternal damnation or hell by the followers of John.
H/T Liam
THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK:
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
H/T DML
You have a Beaver and no water, no worries........
Here is how the good people at Hill Aircraft Service Ltd. in Prince George , B.C., accomplish a "dolly take-off"!
H/T Dick B
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
SARAH PALIN AT FORT BRAGG
This isn't about Sarah Palin . . . it's about the people of Fort Bragg who went to see her . . . 
. . . and the incredible sense of being part of something greater than all of us . . .
. . . including Sarah herself. . .
. . . . STORMBRINGER
Monday, 23 November 2009
Calling All Patriots
Ain't Standin' in Line
"Conservatives nationwide using popular online tool:
"Growing in popularity, a new online social media tool is being utilized by the conservative movement. A calendar format online social networking site. It is providing an effective way to help conservatives promote, organize and coordinate nationwide gatherings. They are looking to increase the crowds at their rallies, protests, fundraisng and townhall meetings using this new marketing concept. It has been dubbed "the twitter for conservatives" :
View My Calendar
Washington Rebel
PITFALLS OF POST-MODERN TRAVEL
It used to be jet lag was the dearth of modern travelers . . . who could have ever envisioned THIS development ? ? ?
STORMBRINGER Situation Report and . . . Something Special happening today at Fort Bragg . . . ! ! !
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
Definitions
BEAUTY PARLOUR: A place where women curl up and dye.
CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.
CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.
EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.
INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.
RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn.
SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.
SKELETON: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.
TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.
TOMORROW: One of the greatest labour saving devices of today.
YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed!
WRINKLES: Something other people have, similar to my character lines.
H/T DML
I'm Goin' Home
A Hank Williams Classic.
Your Friends at Washington Rebel. Can't miss us. Our picture's next to 'humility' in the dictionary.
I'll Sail My Ship Alone
Sunday, 22 November 2009
The Sunday Best....
The 'Hockey Stick' Scandal
My newspaper caved in to Richard Warman, and all I got was this lousy headache
Iraq report: Secret papers reveal blunders and concealment
Lieutenant Paddy Rice 'luckiest soldier in Afghanistan' after Taliban sniper shooting
Royal Navy used 'Spanish flag' for target practice off Gibraltar
Afghan governor turned 3,000 men over to Taliban
Afghan pullout is ‘election ploy’ by Gordon Brown
Barack Obama dream fades as China visit fails to bring change
Hugo Chavez praises Carlos the Jackal
the Clarkypoos bit........
Call me a spoilsport but I’m glad my dad wasn’t a lesbian
Land Rover Discovery 4 3.0 TDV6 HSE
and little Jimmy May.....
Car driving end is nigh
Picture: Jon McNaughton's "One Nation Under God."
Click here for the interactive version.
H/T Papa Ray
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
VERY BRAVE MAN JOKES ---
How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry It!
What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.
Wha t are the three fastest means of communication?
1) Television
2) Telephone
3) Telawoman
How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.
What should you give a woman who has everything?
A man to show her how to work it.
Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.
How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.
Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
Because they don't have balls to scratch.
Why do women fake orgasms ?
Because they think men care.
If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you
done wrong?
Made her chain too long
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...'
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required
pressure.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told
I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
Women will never be equal to men..
until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
H/T Paul B
The last of the one liners.........
331. It ain’t the jeans that make your butt look fat.
332. Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?
333. When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas!
334. I bet you I could stop gambling.
335. The only difference between the people I’ve dated and Charles Manson is that Manson has the decency to look like a nut case when you first meet him.
336. Sex on TV can’t hurt unless you fall off.
337. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
338. Who invented the brush they put next to the toilet? That thing hurts!
339. If a dog sniffs your ass, you’re probably a bitch.
340. Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor’s office is full of portraits by Picasso.
341. Accept it. Your parents HAVE had sex before.
342. 668 – The neighbour of the beast.
343. I love oral sex…it’s the phone bill I hate.
344. Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.
345. Children in the back seats of cars cause accidents, but accidents in the back seats of cars cause children.
346. I’ve learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.
347. The last time someone listened to a Bush, a bunch of people wandered in the desert for 40 years!
348. Squirrels – nature’s speed bumps.
349. When you go to the drugstore, why are the condoms not in with the other party supplies?
350. It’s bad luck to be superstitious.
351. There are two kinds of people who don’t say much: those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.
352. The reason grandchildren and grandparents get along so well is because they have a common “enemy”.
353. Friends are like condoms: They protect you when things get hard.
354. With a calendar, your days are numbered.
355. If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
356. The sex was so good that even the neighbours had a cigarette.
357. It’s not the bullet that kills you, it’s the hole.
358. I ran three miles today. Finally I said, “Lady take your purse.”
359. If good things come in small packages, then more good things can come in large packages.
360. You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg.
361. My wife ran off with my best friend last week. I miss him!
362. A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life, to be thankful for a good one.
363. A cat, by any other name, is still a sneaky little furball that barfs on the furniture.
364. Laugh and the world laughs with you. Snore and you sleep alone
365. Being in a nudist colony probably takes all the fun out of Halloween.
366. Married men live longer than single men, but they’re a lot more willing to die.
367. If life hands you lemons, break out the tequila!
368. Beauty is only skin deep…but ugly goes all the way to the bone!
369. A cheap shot is a terrible thing to waste.
370. A hard thing about a business is minding your own.
371. Most women don’t know where to look when they’re eating a banana.
372. If you go to sleep with a itching ass you will wake up with a stinking finger …
373. Does time fly when you’re having sex or was it really just one minute?
374. We are all time travellers moving at the speed of exactly 60 minutes per hour
375. If you’re going to ride my ass at least pull my hair and make me scream!
376. The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.
H/T DML
Saturday, 21 November 2009
IRONY SENSED AS GLOBAL WARMINISTAS TWIST ON THE FICKLE FINGER OF FATE
Anybody who doesn't know what's going on here . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . check STORMBRINGER
Sorry Theo - I couldn't resist that headline . . . . . . . . Linnane Sends
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
