Little Johnny went camping with the school.
One night Little Johnny was really scared sleeping by himself at camp, so he sprints out of his tent and runs to his teachers tent and asks "Miss can I please sleep with you tonight ?".
His teacher replies "NO"
Johnny moans and says "But my mummy lets me".
"OK then, just for tonight" the teacher replies.
Johnny jumps into bed with her and asks "Miss can I please play with your belly button with my finger".
She again says "NO".
"But my mummy lets me" says Johnny again.
"Well I suppose it's OK" replies the teacher.
Things are silent for a few minutes until the teacher leaps up screaming "THAT'S NOT MY BELLY BUTTON"
Little Johnny replies "I know, and it wasn't my finger".
H/T DML
Thursday, 7 January 2010
Little Johnny went camping.......
"Internet lifestyle"
These days we are all somewhat caught in an "Internet lifestyle", so here are some things you can do in the horrific event your ISP goes down...
1. Dial 911 immediately.
2. Open the curtains to see if anything has changed over the past 2 years.
3. You mean there's something else to do?
4. Threaten your ISP with an impeachment vote.
5. Work.
6. Re-introduce yourself to your immediate family.
7. Get that kidney transplant you've been putting off.
8. See if your eyes can still focus to distances further than 3 feet.
9. Get ass groove in chair fixed at store.
10. Tylenol... Tylenol! Where the hell is the Tylenol!
11. Do shopping with clothes on.
12. Check your mail box every 15 minutes.
H/T DML
The Obama Trifecta:
President Obama just completed the UNHOLY and ANTI-AMERICAN TRIFECTA:
1st president in 110 years to miss the annual Army-Navy Football Game.
1st president to not attend any Christmas religious observance.
1st president to stay on vacation after a terrorist attack.
H/T Martin
News.....
Democrats face midterm elections exodus
German exports on the ropes as China overtakes
Seven Taliban In One Day
Gurkhas are proud people. Few ask for help. But if they need it, we must give it
US forges alliance with Saddam Hussein officers to fight al-Qaeda
US intelligence chiefs face sack over Detroit bomber
True grit in the face of snow
Egyptian guard at Gaza border killed in protest over Galloway's aid convoy
Prove you are alive: clamour for missing Nigerian leader to show his face
and finally......
Send a free New Year's gift of Maggie's
GRAY EAGLES FILM BY CHRIS WOODS
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Thoughts About Consensus II
Medici
"It's the very game that Obama learned in Chicago. His aim is to put the entire United States government into the business of Mafia spoils. What precisely that will look like in 5 years is anyone's guess. He doesn't want Pharma executives to get the money. He wants his friends to get the money. Obama is a Mussolini, and we elected him. We've dwindled into Italians, without the food and the family life. It's called Democracy, post-Modern style, which is code for, "Thy Government Shall Covet."
Over at the Reb.
Wednesday, 6 January 2010
David Brooks skewered...
By me over at PJM. Quite a few comments and it just went up. Granted he is not as bad as Chris "All teaabaggers are white" Matthews, but the arrogance is just the same.
Unplug the Political Machine!
A noble cause if there ever was one. Please check out Unplug the Machine and sign the petition.
Weapon Accessories
Mounted on M16A1 Rifle
Mounted on a Glock Pistol
Lots more on DoubleTapper
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News........
The radical left so despises europe that it intends to destroy it by muslim immigration .... and i have the source documents from the euro union and the euro-med "association agreements" to prove it ...
THE CHRISTMAS DAY ATTACK:
Homeland Security: With Talent Like This…
Repugnant
Is Google Powermeter the future of home energy monitoring?
Mercury Dumping
Police Paranoia
FBI Shoe Bomb Explosion Video
Geniuses Build Automatic Vomit Machine From Old Axle
Britain's freezing weather: worst snow for 50 years paralyses transport networks
Anti-whaling ship sinks after collision with Japanese vessel
Yemen orders troops into al-Qaeda strongholds
US military 'starved' of Afghan intelligence, says general
Western links are cut as Iranian rulers increase isolation
Shady Lady Ranch offers new 'menu' for women
America will be safer because I’m a good listener, says Obama
Northrop Grumman Relocating to Washington, D.C.
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Tuesday, 5 January 2010
Over at the Reb
Preserving Our Freedoms, by Friend Fuchs
Virgil's Sunday Musings. By Virgil!
Some Inconvenient Conclusions About Islam and Europe
Cranky Whip. For Cranks of the Conservative kind.
MDT Armor's Combat Proven David ULAV Video
An ultra light armored personnel carrier designed for the low intensity conflict. Combines ultra high hardness steel with composite materials providing AP protection for a crew of 7.
Lots more at DoubleTapper
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Terror alerts.......a repost
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great
fire of 1666.
The Scots raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards" They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the frontline in the British army for the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability. It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes, on all of their allies, just in case.
And at a local level...
New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!". Due to continuing defense cutbacks (the airforce being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "Shit, I hope Austrulia will come and rescue us". In the event of invasion, New Zealanders will be asked to
gather together in a strategic defensive position called "Bondi".
Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, mate". Three more escalation levels remain, "Crikey!', "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.
H/T Rodney
News........
A Letter Of Grief And Hope From Kandahar: "Their Spirit Will Live On Forever."
Accusations of war crimes risky for Liberals
Oz bank thinks it's 2016
Boy calls dog who fought off cougar his 'guardian'
Britain facing gas shortages as freezing weather continues
Mr Bean stands in for Spanish PM
Six trucks of explosives 'disappear' in Yemen
Thieves in Sweden steal left shoes to match stolen right shoes from Denmark
Bankruptcy hanging like a cloud over Labour's election campaign
Freed Guantánamo inmates are heading for Yemen to join al-Qaeda fight
Wootton Bassett tells extremist Muslim group: keep your march out of our town
Arctic freeze and snow wreak havoc across the planet
and finally......
Its a Wrap: The Most Underreported Stories of 2009
Movie Review: 'X-Men Origins: Wolverine'
Short Review: You have Wolverine, the coolest of all superheroes. You have him in his own origin movie completely unleashed from those stupid X-Men movies. How do you screw this up?
Full Review Here
Aphorisms.......
APHORISM: A SHORT, POINTED SENTENCE EXPRESSING A WISE OR CLEVER OBSERVATION OR A GENERAL TRUTH
1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.
2. Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.
3. If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense.
4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.
5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
7. Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.
8. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?
9. Scratch a cat and you will have a permanent job.
10. No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.
11. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.
12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM. It could be a right number.
13. No one ever says 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.
14. I've reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.
15. Be careful reading the fine print. There's no way you're going to like it.
16. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.
17. Do you realize that in about 20 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos? (And rap music will be the Golden Oldies!)
18. Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than in a Yugo.
19. After 50, if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead!!
20. Always be yourself because the people that matter don't mind, and the ones who mind, don't matter...
H/T Shelly
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