H/T Peter Gunn
Thursday, 10 April 2008
The Reverends Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton, while visiting a.......
.....sixth grade school class, found themselves in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked both men if they would like to lead the discussion of the word "tragedy".
So the illustrious Rev Jackson asks the class for an example of a tragedy.
One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him dead,that would be a tragedy."
"No," says the Great Jesse Jackson, "that would be an accident."
A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."
"I'm afraid not," explains the exalted Reverend Al. "That's what we would call a great loss. "
The room goes silent. No other children volunteered.
Reverend Al searches the room. "Isn't there anyone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"
Finally at the back of the room little Johnny raises his hand. In a stern voice he says: "If a plane carrying the Reverends Jackson and Sharpton were struck by a missile and blown to smithereens. ..that would be a tragedy."
"Fantastic!" exclaim both Jackson and Sharpton. "That's absolutely correct! And can you tell us why that would be a tragedy?"
"Well," says little Johnny, "because it sure as hell wouldn't be a
great loss, and it probably wouldn't be an accident either."
H/T Nebraska Bob
A Couple More Burma Shave thingys.....
DROVE TOO LONG
DRIVER SNOOZING
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT
IS NOT AMUSING
Burma Shave
BROTHER SPEEDER
LET'S REHEARSE
ALL TOGETHER
GOOD MORNING, NURSE
Burma Shave
SPEED WAS HIGH
WEATHER WAS NOT
TIRES WERE THIN
X MARKS THE SPOT
Burma Shave
THE MIDNIGHT RIDE
OF PAUL FOR BEER
LED TO A WARMER
HEMISPHERE
Burma Shave
AROUND THE CURVE
LICKETY-SPLIT
BEAUTIFUL CAR
WASN'T IT?
Burma Shave
H/T Don Emslie
Wednesday, 9 April 2008
Scratch another one......
Al Qaeda Bomb Expert Dead. One by one or in groups makes no difference. They are all going down.
A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."
The husband replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect".
He never heard the shot....
H/T Pete Hurrell
WTF!!!
Bin Laden's 'right-hand man' set for life on British benefits after judges rule deportation would breach his human rights. Does shooting the bastard count as breeching his human rights? Not in my book.
H/T Liz B
Richard Warman suing Canadian Conservative Bloggers
Five Feet of Fury and the rest need our support. Apparently this pathetic excuse for a lawyer wants to ban freedom of speech. He should f**k off to China where he will feel right at home. Canadian Laws are based on British Laws and guess what. A little thing called The Magna Carta gave us freedom of speech.
News...
A Mystery in the Middle East. Things are 'happening' in The Middle East. George Friedman has a theory.
Muslim pervs in let off storm. One law for them...another for us. There is going to be trouble soon.
Aids girls on World Cup game. Looks like footie fans will be getting a 'souvenir' they will not forget!!
Jack Straw 'threatened to punch rude Ed Balls' as Labour infighting takes chaotic turn. That I would like to see.
London 2012 could cost £20billion... TEN times original budget, admits ex-Olympics chief. And the bloody rest. I guess the Royal Navy will have to wait for their new carriers.
More than a million immigrants live in homes paid for by the taxpayer. Why am I no longer surprised by stuff like this.
Property prices may fall 10pc, warns IMF. That should start a property panic. The IMF are a Wunch of Bankers.
The outside world can do little to stop Robert Mugabe's plans. There is lot we can do and it will involve force. A targetted assasination of Mugabe and his fellow hencemen would be the easiest failing that send in the troops.
Zimbabwe faces starvation as mobs rampage through farms. And still we do nothing.
Taste of country denied to one in five children. Good! Keep the little bastards out. Our village is infested with drunken dopehead children who have moved here from towns.
First badger cull for 20 years to tackle TB. I need a new shaving brush.
Texas drops strip club 'pole tax'. I am sure my Texan readers will be pleased with this!!
The wobby Russian doll at No 10. Brown is finished. the backbenchers will turn on him when they realise that their cushy little jobs are going.
Bad Bart Simpson is banished for Baywatch in Venezuela. Yet Baywatch is fine!!
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We never had Burma Shave over here.....
Here are some more...
DON'T STICK YOUR ELBOW
OUT SO FAR
IT MAY GO HOME
IN ANOTHER CAR.
Burma Shave
TRAINS DON'T WANDER
ALL OVER THE MAP
'CAUSE NOBODY SITS
IN THE ENGINEER'S LAP
Burma Shave
SHE KISSED THE HAIRBRUSH
BY MISTAKE
SHE THOUGHT IT WAS
HER HUSBAND JAKE
Burma Shave
DON'T LOSE YOUR HEAD
TO GAIN A MINUTE
YOU NEED YOUR HEAD
YOUR BRAINS ARE IN IT
Burma Shave
H/T Don Emslie
Sensible Observations....part 2
11) "If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."--Johnny Carson
12) "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."--Paul Rodriguez
13) "My parents didn't want to move to Florida , but they turned sixty and that's the law."--Jerry Seinfeld
14) "Remember in elementary school, you were told that in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic in that? What, do tall people burn slower?"--Warren Hutcherson
15) "Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same." --Oscar Wilde
16) "Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress.. But I repeat myself."--Mark Twain
17) "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Afghanistan"--Whitney Brown
18) "You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'"--Dave Barry
19) 'Do you know why they call it "PMS"? Because "Mad Cow Disease" was taken.'
--Unknown, presumed deceased
20) "Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer."--W. C. Fields
H/T Shelly
Tuesday, 8 April 2008
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Hillary takes lessons from Mugabe.....
Also....
New Olympic Events. Jules on the Olympic Torch Relay Rampage!!
Oregon fires non-Spanish speaking FireFighter Team Leaders
WTF!!! Dumb-ass state gov’ment at it’s finest…………Possibly the most ridiculous thing I have heard today.
H/T Jeffrey Nihart
M109A6 Paladin Pron.....
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On the subject of pron...
Which WWE Diva (past & present) looks best naked? (NSFW)
H/T Doug S
This will Mess With Your Head.
3 WOMEN GO INTO A MOTEL. THE MAN BEHIND THE DESK SAID THE ROOM IS £30, SO
EACH WOMAN PAID £10 AND WENT TO THE ROOM.
A WHILE LATER THE MAN BEHIND THE DESK REALIZED THE ROOM WAS ONLY £25, SO
HE SENT THE BELLBOY TO THE 3 GALS ROOM WITH £5.
ON THE WAY, THE BELLBOY COULDN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO SPLIT £5 EVENLY
BETWEEN 3 WOMEN, SO HE GAVE EACH WOMAN A £1 AND KEPT THE OTHER £2 FOR
HIMSELF.
THIS MEANT THAT THE 3 WOMEN EACH PAID £9 FOR THE ROOM, WHICH IS A TOTAL OF
£27, ADD THE £2 THAT THE BELLBOY KEPT = £29.
WHERE IS THE OTHER POUND?
H/T Killemall
More UPS Aircraft Gripe Sheet Reports.....
Maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
H/T Liz B
U.S. Army Soldiers from Headquarters and Headquarters Troop, 1st Battalion, 91st Cavalry Regiment, 173rd Airborne Brigade Combat Team fire 120-mm mortars during operations south of Forward Operating Base Naray, Afghanistan, March 26, 2008. The Soldiers are firing the mortar in hopes of flushing out anti-coalition militia suspected of attacking an Afghan supply truck. (U.S. Army photo by Spc. Derek Niccolson)
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