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Thursday, 24 July 2008
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The Seven Dwarfs go to the Vatican..
The Seven Dwarfs go to the Vatican, and because they are "the seven Dwarfs" they get ushered in to see the Pope.
Dopey leads the pack.
"Dopey my son," says the Pope, "what can I do for you?"
Dopey asks, "Excuse me, Your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?"
The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and answers, "No Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome."
In the background a few of the dwarfs begin giggling.
Dopey turns around and gives them a glare, silencing them.
Dopey turns back to face the Pope.
"Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?"
The Pope, puzzled again, thinks for a moment and then answers, "No Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in all of Europe."
This time all the other dwarfs burst into laughter.
Once again, Dopey turns around and silences them all with an angry glare.
Dopey turns back to the Pope and says, "Mr. Pope, are there ANY dwarf nuns in the whole world?"
The Pope answers, "I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world."
The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling, and laughing, pounding on the floor, tears rolling down their cheeks as they begin chanting:
"Dopey screwed a penguin!"
"Dopey screwed a penguin!"
H/T DML
Wednesday, 23 July 2008
Red Arrows Display Over New York City.....
...sorry to the Blue Angels and Thunderbirds fans but these guys are still the best. This vid is 23 mins long and worth every minute.
H/T Chad
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News...
Campaigner 'glues himself to PM'. He might have caught something.
General Sir Michael Rose: My drunken suppers with paranoid madman Radovan Karadzic. We should have shot the bastard when we had the chance. We continue to ignore history. Rapid dogs are put down yet Karadzic then, and Mugabe and Bashir now are 'allowed' to kill thousands with impugnity.
Today, MPs embark on 75 days of summer hold. Outrageous. No, a blessed relief. If only they'd take longer. They will still manage to screw things up in absentia.
Russia and Venezuela in deal to counter 'US aggression'. Putin is a power mad dictator in the classic Stalin mold. He will stir up sh*t anywhere he can.
Royal Marine who jumped on grenade awarded George Cross. Brave lad.
Local authorities launched 10,000 snooping operations last year. Who the hell do these assholes think they are? The Stasi.
Robert Mugabe wins, democracy loses in any Zimbabwe power-sharing deal. Just one little bomb it is all that is needed.
Saddam Hussein's Rolls Royce put up for sale in eBay. One not so careful owner!
All doctors face annual test of their competence. More inteference from the Government and another excuse to create 1000s of non-jobs.
Recommended Blog posts of the Day.....
Obama: Female Reporters Should Dress Modestly In Israel? From Neocon Express.
Why is only one of these cartoons tasteless and offensive? From a Western Heart.
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Fantasy Doctor Visit.....
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO . Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. And remember:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride"
H/T DML
Tuesday, 22 July 2008
Obama news from DJ Elliott....
Obama wants troops out of Iraq by 2010. And I want an Aston!
Obama didn't raise his troop plan with Maliki-Baghdad. That's because he doesn't have a plan or a clue!!
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Light News....
Commander Brown in charge of the SAS? Don't panic, don't panic! Littlejohn lets rip.
QUENTIN LETTS: Rejoicing in death. Why is the Left so full of hate for Lady Thatcher? It is a side effect of being illiterate and illegitimate!
Bluetooth Big Brother uses mobiles and laptops to track thousands of Britons. Don't switch it on.
Radovan Karadzic arrest 'like capturing Osama bin Laden'. It has taken them long enough to get round to it.
Armed Forces less ready for war than ever, MoD figures show. Blame Gordon Brown and the Treasury.
Landowners 'deserve compensation over right-to-roam rules'. Too right. Ramblers do not have the right to go where they please.
John McCain vies for extra press coverage as Obama hogs the limelight. As usual the medias liberal bias is plain to see.
London Olympic cost consultants were paid £87m. The tip of the Iceberg!
Many aspects of human sexuality are very puzzling. Take celibacy for instance. This can be a choice, or a condition imposed by environmental factors.
While attending a Marriage Awareness Weekend, Fred and Mary listened to the instructor declare, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."
He addressed the men. "Gents, can you each name your wife's favourite flower?"
Fred leaned over, touched Mary's arm gently and whispered, "Self raising, isn't it?"
Thus began Fred’s life of celibacy.
H/T DML
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