Click to enlarge
Tuesday, 26 February 2008
Light news...
Legally, a woman can't be elected president. Please let this be true!
Fathers arrested for stopping fight. Enough of this crap from the police!
Obama's women reveal his secret. He likes to cross dress?
Prozac is no better than a placebo, shows 'fantastically important' study. Stick to booze. the only person I know who took Prozac threw himself in the Thames and no he didn't float!
Democrat race blighted by row over turban picture. What this one?
US-India defence deal 'to counter China'. Good only India has the numbers to counter China. They are not too keen on Islam either.
British holiday jet in emergency landing after co-pilot dies at the controls. Now that is a new one! Hopefully it wasn't the sight of the Hostess' tits that made his heart give out.
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
Wabbits
A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks,
"Excuthe me, do you have any widdle wabbits?"
The shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level, and says,
"Do you want a widdle white wabbit or a thoft,fwuffy bwack wabbit, or one like that widdle bwown wabbit over there?"
The little girl blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her
knees, leans forward and whispers ...
" I don't weally fink my pet pyfon gives a phuk."
H/T Pete Hurrell
THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde.
The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license.
She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
'What does it look like?' she finally asked.
The police woman replied, 'It's square and it has your picture on it.'
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the police woman.
'Here it is,' she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying,
'Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop.'
H/T AJD Shootist
Harriet Harman iz luvinn ur totalitarianz
Harriet Harman: definitely not bedtime totty...
Via my impecunious Athenian friend*, I stumble across this execrable interview with Harriet Harman, incumbent of five jobs including Deputy Leader of the Labour Party. Apparently The Independent have a regular feature wherein politicians answer fatuous questions emailed in by Independent hacks using assumed names in a desperate attempt to convince people that anyone reads their crappy rag readers.
There are some amazingly stupid answers there (admittedly rendered more entertaining by a passing knowledge of UK politics) but here's the one that struck me as easily appreciable on both sides of The Pond.
Fidel Castro: hero of the left, or dangerous authoritarian dictator?
David Newton
Edinburgh
[Harperson:] Hero of the left – but time for Cuba to move on.
What the hell? That was my first thought upon reading this; obviously, Mr Eugenides was struck by the same reaction.
If the deputy leader of the Tories had praised Augusto Pinochet as a "hero of the right", he'd have be sacked by lunchtime.
But then I thought about it for a little bit, and now I think that her answer is entirely consistent and even, from her point of view, completely reasonable.
After all, a dangerous authoritarian dictator is obviously going to be a hero of the left; there is no dichotomy here—as far as Harriet is concerned, the two options are entirely synonymous.
F**k me, but Harman's such a loathsome individual, as well as being possessed of a face that one would never, ever tire of slapping.
Mind you, Hilary Clinton's worse: those crazy Americans always have to go that wee bit further, don't they...?
If you'd like to see more of your humble Devil's... er... appreciation of Harriet—and you don't mind some fairly strong swearing—a fuller version of this post appears at The Kitchen.
Monday, 25 February 2008
Spoof Marks and Spencer Ad....caution boobies!!
There are tits and there are Marks and Spencer tits!
A bit of news....
Top British pilot fired for performing 320mph 'fly-by' just 28ft off the ground - in a passenger jet. Some people have no sense of humour!!
BBC1 viewers cry foul at TEN hours of sport in ONE day. Then get rid of the bloody football and leave us the rugby!
How health and safety rules have grounded the Dakota, the war workhorse. With a bit of help from the EU. Nice of the Mail to keep up with the rest of us.
Fidel Castro's brother elected Cuban president. Elected!! By whom?
City boss calls for statue of war hero. Great idea, it won't happen while that drunken newt shagger is Mayor.
Renditions row after CIA plane lands in UK. How do I get renditioned out of the UK. the CIA could make a fortune 'renditioning' all the English who want to relocate Stateside.
Hillary Clinton seeks last ditch TV showdown before crucial state votes. Oh do give her one. Everytime she goes on TV she loses support. Will she go for insults and slurs or the blubbing her eyes out routine?
The Haircut.......(this is true over here as well)
One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked about his bill and the barber replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop.
When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The cop is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.
Later that day, a college professor comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The professor is very happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber opens his shop, there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen different books, such as 'How to Improve Your Business' and 'Becoming More Successful'.
'Then, a Congressman comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Congressman is very happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the members of our Congress.
H/T Peter Gunn
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
Presumed guilt
Those who have been following the course of New Labour's steady destruction of traditional British liberties will notice a very simple pattern emerging. First, the government removes the rights of those who many would consider undesirables—Muslim "terrorists", drug-dealers, prostitutes, and the like—and then gradually the rights are removed from the rest of us. Often, poorly-drafted legislation is blamed; "this was an unintended consequence," the government claim, "But we'll fix it. Just vote us in again."
And now we see the whole thing happening again with this appalling proposal. Please note the inaccurate but inflammatory headline, indicating the collusion of the press in the government's deceit.
Drug dealers to have assets seized on arrest
Drug-dealers are to have their assets seized on arrest? Who could possibly object? After all, they are drug-dealers and, as we all know, drug-dealers are nasty people.
Police will be able to seize high-value assets from suspected drug dealers as soon as they are arrested under plans to be unveiled this week by Jacqui Smith, the Home Secretary.
Law-enforcement agencies will be able to take cars, televisions, laptops and expensive jewellery belonging to big-time offenders. Such assets can currently only be seized at the end of a criminal process, by which time drug dealers have often disposed of them.
Did you note the key word there? The key word is "suspected". These aren't drug-dealers because, you see, they have not been proven to be drug-dealers at all.
Last time that I looked, we had this cute little thing known as "a trial", in this country. And it is determined, at your trial, whether or not you are actually guilty of the crime of which you have been accused.
Further, in this country, you are considered to be innocent until proven guilty. In a trial. Before a jury of twelve good men and true.
If the state is allowed to seize the assets of suspected drug-dealers before they have even been tried, they are effectively presuming guilt.
There is, as Tim Worstall bluntly points out, a word for this: it is theft, pure and simple. The state is giving itself the power to steal your possessions before it has even been determined whether you did the crime.
And anyone who things that this will be limited to drug-dealers is either a fool or dangerously naive. It will not be limited to drug-dealers at all. But New Labour are using that as the headline, because drug-dealers are, as we pointed out before, evil men who deserve all that they get.
And so, state-sanctioned looting is on its way: how many public servants will we see in the dock, charged with theft, do you think? I'll give you a clue: it is a non-fractional figure somewhere between 1 and -1.
And so, the last vestiges of our famous British justice sink slowly beneath the waves; the last vestiges of our ancient rights and freedoms are being removed. And, alas, the British public are just too dim to realise the totalitarian hell that they are sleep-walking into.
And our politicians? Hang them: hang them all...
Sunday, 24 February 2008
.jpg)
.jpg)
Make your own slogan...
Life's Pretty Straight Without Theo Spark.
Generated by the Advertising Slogan Generator, for all your slogan needs. Get more theo spark slogans.
H/T Lady Jane
An old man and his ever nagging wife decide to go to Jerusalem for there 60th wedding anniversary.
While on vacation the old mans wife dies.
He goes down to the funeral director who tells him that for $500 he can have his wife buried in the Holy Land but shipping her back to America would cost $5000.
The man says he would like her remains sent back to America, when the funeral director questioned this, the old man replyed.
"Once, along time ago, there was a man who died here and three days later rose from his grave.
I just can't take that chance."
H/T Thomas Harris
Powerful ad..
Pro-anorexia site clampdown urged. I can't believe there are people out there who promote eating disorders.
.jpg)
The Son in Law...
AS A MOM PASSES HER DAUGHTER'S CLOSED BEDROOM DOOR, SHE HEARD A STRANGE BUZZING NOISE COMING FROM WITHIN. OPENING THE DOOR, SHE OBSERVED HER DAUGHTER GIVING HERSELF A REAL WORKOUT WITH A VIBRATOR. SHOCKED, SHE ASKED:
WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU DOING?'
THE DAUGHTER REPLIED: 'MOM, I'M ! ! THIRTY-FIVE YEARS OLD, UNMARRIED, AND THIS THING IS ABOUT AS CLOSE AS I'LL EVER GET TO A HUSBAND! PLEASE, GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE.'
THE NEXT DAY, THE GIRL'S FATHER HEARD THE SAME BUZZ COMING FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE CLOSE D BEDROOM DOOR.
UPON ENTERING THE ROOM, HE OBSERVED HIS DAUGHTER MAKING PASSIONATE LOVE TO HER VIBRATOR. TO HIS QUERY AS TO WHAT SHE WAS DOING, THE DAUGHTER SAID:
'DAD I'M THIRTY-FIVE, UNMARRIED, AND THIS THING IS ABOUT AS CLOSE AS I'LL EVER GET TO A HUSBAND. PLEASE, GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE.'
A COUPLE DAYS LATER, MOM CAME HOME FROM A SHOPPING TRIP, PLACED THE GROCERIES ON THE KITCHEN COUNTER, AND HEARD THAT BUZZING NOISE COMING FROM, OF ALL PLACES, THE LIVING ROOM.
SHE ENTERED THAT AREA AND OBSERVED HER HUSBAND SITTING ON THE COUCH, DOWNING A COLD BEER, AND STARING AT THE TV. THE VIBRATOR WAS NEXT TO HIM ON THE COUCH, BUZZING LIKE CRAZY.
THE WIFE ASKED: 'WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?'
THE HUSBAND REPLIED: 'I'M WATCHING FOOTBALL WITH MY SON-IN-LAW.'
H/T Pete Hurrell
.jpg)
In support of Affirmative Action
The nice folks at Maggies's Farm have had an e-mail from their nephew.
The Sunday Best...
Jack Straw evicts 600 prison officers from their homes...and moves convicts in to ease jails crisis. How many houses does the Straw Man own? He should use them instead!!
Mrs O: The truth about Michelle Obama's 'working class' credentials. Why do liberals always lie about their past? Oh yeah lying is an inbuilt Liberal trait.
Fairtrade 'does more harm than good to Third World countries', says think tank. Oops! You know that anything 'endorsed by the renta-a-celeb' crowd is going to be iffy. Look at Live Aid and the Toyota Prius!
Council tax bills cover-up exposed. Don't expect a rebate!
Speaker Michael Martin in new expenses row. Chuck him in the Thames! Let's see if s**t floats!
Record numbers of Army recruits drop out. Blame the NUT. It is there bullshit socialist policies in schools that have produced a generation of fat lazy imbeciles who are only fit to be politicians! An hour of sport a day must be made compulsory for all school children. Wouldn't hurt the parents either.
'Fidel Castro is not crazy, but responsible'. Actually he is a Commie Asshole. Should have been killed years ago. Someone should shoot that idiot Chavez and save us all a load of grief.
Barack Obama criticised over 'cult-like' rallies. To much to hope it is a suicide cult!!
Iranian clerics face a backlash over good life. Persian Pigs with their snouts in the trough!
Sharpe shooters to bolster war on Taliban. I am not sure how The Chosen Man is going to take his regiment being in the Navy!!
Taleban are worn down, say British troops. Good because we need a rest. We also need to double the size of our military.
Skiing through the pain barrier. Clarkypoos on the Piste.
and the
Mercedes-Benz CLK Black Series
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
Wives..
"When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her". -David Bissonette
"The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, 'What does a woman want?" -Dumas
"I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me." - Sigmund Freud
'There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.' -Sam Kinison
"Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up." -Patrick Murray
"You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to."-Anon
H/T Pete Hurrell
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
