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Thursday, 24 April 2008
It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds.
As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old ladies sitting in a used car. ..
He stopped and asked them why they were sitting there in the car. Were they trying to steal it?
'Heavens no, we bought it.'
'Then why don't you drive it away.'
'We can't drive.'
'Then why did you buy it?'
'We were told that if we bought a Used car here we'd get screwed ..so we're just waiting.'
H/T Jeffrey Nihart
Carter says Secretary Rice "not telling truth". I wasn't aware Carter was acquainted with the concept of 'truth'.
H/Ts Shelly & Mark Scott
How low can you go....
...anyone who has more low stuff, bung it over because we haven't had any low flying for a while.
Funny story of the day.....
Rogue Gunner has posted probably the funniest thing I have read all day. You must check it out!! He is probably Britain's Best Mil-blog.
A nice story....
Bill and Sam, two elderly friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems.
One day Bill didn't show up. Sam didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something.. But after Bill hadn't shown up for a week or so, Sam really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Sam didn't know where Bill lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.
A month had passed, and Sam figured he had seen the last of Bill, but one day, Sam approached the park and -- lo and behold! --there sat Bill! Sam was very excited and happy to see him and told him so then he said, 'For crying out loud Bill, what in the world happened to you?'
Bill replied, 'I have been in jail.'
'Jail?' cried Sam. 'What in the world for?'
'Well,' Bill said, 'you know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I sometime go?'
'Yeah,' said Sam, 'I remember her. What about her?'
'Well, one day she filed rape charges against me; and, at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pled 'guilty' and the judge gave me 30 days for perjury.'
H/T Jackie Gedling
News....
Saddam Hussein's ally Izzat Ibrahim al-Duri 'captured' in Iraq. Looks like another length of rope is going to be needed.
Study: Masturbation May Prevent Prostate Cancer. So Gordon Brown is safe!!
Terror lawyer at fanatics rally. Boot the bitch out.
One million pupils set to be turned away from schools as teachers go on strike. The NUT has wrecked the British Education system with its bullshit socialist policies. Any teacher who strikes to day should be sacked and stripped of their pension. They won't be missed.
Bailed to murder: Gang of teenage hoodies kicked former soldier to death for £5 they wanted to spend on booze and drugs. Lynch them!
Panic at the pumps: Soaring petrol prices and fuel rationing introduced to prevent garage droughts. Nothing like a media driven panic!
John Prescott called Tony Blair a 'little s***' after he 'betrayed' Brown by refusing to step down from power. Possibly the only intelligent thing Prescott has ever said!!
UN troops overworked and outgunned in the badlands of Darfur. Without Anglosphere troops any UN force is a farce!
Robert Mugabe’s men seek coalition to run country until new poll. Why? They lost!
N Korea 'linked to Syria reactor'. Sadly I don't think the IAF can reach Pyong Yang.
Somalia's pirates face battles at sea. Somali pirates v USS Ronald Reagan should be fun to watch!!
Petraeus-Odierno Team Nominated to Lead in CentCom, Iraq . Keeping a great team together.
Hillary Clinton claims 'tide is turning' her way. Funny! King Canute had a similar idea!
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View from Denmark....
We in Denmark cannot figure out why you in the USA are even bothering to hold an election.
On one side, you have a bitch who is a lawyer, married to a lawyer, and a lawyer who is married to a bitch who is a lawyer.
On the other side, you have a true war hero married to a woman with a huge chest who owns a beer distributorship.
Is there a contest here?
H/Ts Nebraska Bob & Shelly
From a lady correspondent...
My husband and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink, as he sat alone at an nearby
table.
My husband asks, 'Do you know him?'
'Yes,' I sighed. 'He's my old boyfriend. I understand he started drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my husband....'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
Now you see, there really are two ways to look at everything.
H/T Mrs Nebraska Bob
X-RATED RIDDLES.....part 2
Q. Why do Gay men wear ribbed condoms?
A. For traction in the mud.
Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?
A. The grip.
Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.
Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.
Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 pounds.
Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.
Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.
Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
A. The swallow.
Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?
A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.
Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A . They don't have balls to scratch!
H/T Andi Bridgewater
Wednesday, 23 April 2008
Being serious for a moment...
..I have just watched a brilliant documentary on the BBC i-player entitled 'Ex Forces and Homeless' presented by Ken Hames ( not available to my US readers if I can borrow it and put on You-Tube I will) which covers the problems that our ex-servicemen suffer when they leave the military. We have a duty as a society to do more for those that have risked their lives for us to see that they have a life after their service. I have in the past employed and worked with many 'vets' who have problems adjusting to civilian life and who have little or no support from the people around them. We have a duty to support these men and see to it that their sacrifices are not ignored. I would love to see a program in this country and the US that promotes 'Hire a Vet',where those with the skills and discipline that they learned in the military are rewarded and embraced. Lets give something back to the guys that gave their all to protect us, they earned it.
Let us also remember those who didn't make it back...
Every Sunday morning Rob would.....
...take his 3-year old granddaughter Jordan out for a drive in the car for some bonding time; just he and his granddaughter. One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold and really didn't feel like being up at all.
Luckily, his wife Sandy came to the rescue and said that she would take their Jordan out. When they returned, Jordan anxiously ran to see her grandfather.
'Well, did you enjoy your ride with Mama?'
'Oh yes, Poppa', the girl replied, 'and do you know what? We didn't see a single dumb bastard or lousy shit head anywhere we went today!'
H/T Jeffrey Nihart
The Perils of Flying tooooo Low....
F-16 v. Tree. When your aircraft is telling you you're too low to the ground, you might want to listen.
H/T TSGT 6
DJ Elliott tells it as it is...
The Real Surge Continues: Iraqi Army Corps Formation. They are getting there.
H/T DJ Elliott who I must apologise to for not getting with it soon enough.
X-RATED RIDDLES..part 1
Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
Q. What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.
Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.
Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball
Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick!
Q.Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it!
Q. What is a Yankee?
A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.
Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration.
Q.What is the difference between 'ooooooh'and 'aaaaaaah'?
A. About three inches.
H/T Andi Bridgewater
Breaking News.....
..apparently the first recount/fiddle in Zimbabwe has lead to the seat going from the MDC to Zanu PF. This is of course no surprise and expect the rest to go the same way. Mugabe will only go by force so someone had better arrange some.
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News...
Operation overkill: Police use four squad cars and seven officers to evict group of protesting pensioners from bowls club. The Police don't have the guts to go after real criminals.
Cancelled on police advice: St George's Day parade through Bradford. Ooops mustn't upset the Mussies. If the don't like it they can leave. When are we going to have International F**k Islam Day?
Immigrants make up 25pc of town's population. And Boston is probably the better for it. I have no problem with the Eastern Europeans coming over here. They don't self-detonate for a start. Without them the local economy would have gone pear shaped. The locals are bone idle, illiterate and inbred preferring to live off the state.
'Drunk boys, 13 and 16, raped and murdered woman before dumping body in a river'. Hang them!
How the EU has wiped England and the English Channel off the map to create a 'United Europe'. We should ignore all EU regulations.
Climate change 'may put world at war'. We are already at war.
Tribal rivalry 'limits al-Qa'eda terror plans'. We should encourage the in-fighting.
Zimbabwe: neighbouring states show impatience with Robert Mugabe. A bit of foot-tapping is not going to work. A bomb in his bedroom might.
Hillary Clinton wins in Pennsylvania to fight another day. She was always going to win Pennsylvania. She is still going down.
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A mortician was working late one night. He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery.
Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen!
"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician commented, "I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity."
So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home. "I have something to show you won't believe," he said to his wife, opening his briefcase.
"My God!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead!"
H/T Shelly
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