.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
Wednesday, 31 December 2008
Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives......
1.The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
4. A dog's parents never visit.
5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.
7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.
8. Dogs like to go fishing.
9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, “If I died, would you get another dog?”
10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.
11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.
12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.
And last, but not least:
13. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.
If you really want to know who loves you more, put your wife & your dog in the boot of the car for ½ an hour and see who’s happy to see you when you let ‘em out!
H/T DML
Tuesday, 30 December 2008
Thought for the Day: Re: Afghan Opium Poppies....
Why can't we create via GM or otherwise a poppy version of potato blight or something similar that will wipe out the opium poppy?
There again there must be some Agent Orange lying about!
Article of the Day...
The Wizards of Oil. The World's S**t-stirrers have bit of a cash flow problem.
Gun Buyer....
Gun shop owner: "Hi, how can I help you?"
Client: "I'm lookin' for a gun."
Owner: "What kind of gun are you lookin' for?"
Client: (pointing at the biggest handgun in the case) "That one looks about right."
Owner: (very surprised): "Why do you need a .44 magnum?"
Client: "It's for shootin' at cans."
Owner: (pointing at a small handgun) "Well, this is the perfect size for shooting at cans."
Client: (pointing again at the .44) "Nah, I need this one."
Owner: "OK, what kind a cans are you shooting at?"
Client: "Mexi-cans.... Puertori-cans.... Afri-cans.... Maro-cans...."
H/T DML
.gif)
.gif)
NHS turns to US sitcom 'Scrubs' for new policy ideas......
Patients to be allowed to comment on performance of GPs on NHS website.
Anyone who is familar with the hospital sitcom 'Scrubs' wil know that this was the main story line in Season 7, Episode 6 'My Number One Doctor', where the doctors compete to be the patients favorite in an online site. Which incidentally was re-aired (again)in the UK a few days ago.
It shows what a state the NHS is in when it has to rely on US scriptwriters for their policy ideas. We will have to start looking out for more of this as the Government and Whitehall are completely out of ideas (Not that they had many in the first place).
How many other Departments are using TV as a source of their policies?
Here is the episode in question....
Bit 2
Bit 3
News.....
Inmate suing Prison Service after injuring himself in failed escape bid Time to put some of these 'crooked' lawyers out of business.
Council sues former chief executive for £750,000 over misleading job application. Exactly how many of our 'public' officials are fit for purpose? In a nutshell, none. If they had any true ability they would be in the private sector.
15,000 teachers go sick EVERY day (and it's blamed on stress and ministerial meddling). If they are that sick get rid of them.
We'll investigate complaints over Edward dog 'attack' says RSPCA. Only because they are hell bent on banning shooting.
Council disregard objections of 3,000 residents to traveller site as 'they are racist'. No they just don't want a bunch of thieving Dids in their village.
£5.7bn scramble to pay off home loans: Worried families making record mortgage repayments. More bad news for what's left of the High Street.
Somalia faces more turmoil as official president resigns. President of what exactly?
National Archives: James Callaghan's despair at Britain's defences against possible Soviet attack. Thanks to our politicians we now have no defences.
North Korea's Kim Jong-il cheered at concert appearance, state media reports. A credit to the skills of his taxidermist!!!
Tony Blair to visit Middle East in attempt to broker peace. That should guarantee all out war!
Iraq death toll plummets. Who was it who voted against the surge?
‘Prepare to be bombed’: calls mark the start of psychological campaign in Gaza. 'Telesales' finally have a purpose.
New Weapon Against Hippies: Wi-Fi. Nice one.
A Great Place to Visit.....Bikinis Sports Bar and Grill
...something else we don't have in Norfolk. (SFW)
Bikinis Sports Bar and Grill to be found in Austin & San Marcos Tx and Charlotte NC.
An Xmas Tale...
A blonde housewife was waiting for the binmen to turn up. 1 by 1 she shagged them; finally it was the driver's turn and she gave him £20 instead. Disappointed, he asked her what was going on.
She replied: "My hubby said, give the driver £20 and f**k the rest of them".
H/T Old Dude
Thanks to this bastard Zimbabwe now has more 'billionaires' than any other country.....
....and nothing is being done to end the suffering..jpg)
H/T M Kohl
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
Classic Quotes......
'The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.' - George Burns
'Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.' - Victor Borge
'Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.' - Mark Twain
'By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.' - Socrates
'I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.' - Groucho Marx
'My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.' - Jimmy Durante
'My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.' - Rodney Dangerfield
'I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.' - Bob Hope
'We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.' - Will Rogers
'Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.'
- Winston Churchill
'Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.' - Phyllis Diller
'By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.' - Billy Crystal
H/Ts Shelly & M Kohl
Monday, 29 December 2008
George Galloway: Terrorist Cheerleader in Chief.....
Surprise!... George Galloway Joins Violent Pro-Hamas Rally at Israeli Embassy in London.
If he is so fond of Hamas and the rest of their terrorist ilk, I suggest he f**ks off to Gaza and joins them on the 'front line'. Preferably where the IDF can nail the bastard.
.jpg)
.jpg)
Not a lot of people know that............
Twenty percent of the world's fresh water is in a single lake, Russia's Lake Baikal.
Its surface is smaller than Lake Superior — but it's a mile deep.
So Putins got the oil, the gas and the effing water!!
H/T DML
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
News....
Government departments losing a computer every day. Only one. Lose a computer and it is docked from your pay.
The Palestinian Answer to Everything is War by Alan Caruba
"Let them drive Buicks!" by Doug Ross
Boom-time on benefits: The 140,000 families who claim £20,000 a year in state handouts. Effing scroungers.
Down to -13C! New Year temperatures set to plummet as Siberian blast grips the country. Expect Britain to screech to a halt.
300,000 jobs 'to go in next three months' in recession bloodbath. Tip of the iceberg.
The Blitz spirit will save us, insists Gordon Brown. Time to shoot down the Labour Luftwaffe.
A woman on every fire engine ... the latest demand from the PC brigade. Well someone's got to make the tea!
Barack Obama will need more than slogans to bring peace to Gaza. Obama and Clinton possibly the least qualified people to try and sort out this mess, and don't forget Blair is involved as well. Expect all out war within weeks.
Half of England and Wales at risk of extreme drought, report warns. No water, no power, no jobs. We are officially a third world nation.
Republican party candidate distributes controversial Barack Obama song. You mean this song!!
Five fatal stabbings every week despite Labour’s knife-crime ‘crackdown’. Carry a knife go straight to jail.
Israel's Gaza Defense. Attack is the best form of defence.
Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists, Obama supporters, et al:
We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile, slate it up to irreconcilable differences, and go our own ways.
Here is a model dissolution agreement:
Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes. We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.
Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA, and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, and Rosie O'Donnell (you are however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move them).
We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart, and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies, and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan Hockey Moms, greedy CEO's, and Rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood.
You can make nice with Iran, Palestine, and France, and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protestors. When our allies or way of life are under assault, we'll provide them job security.
We'll keep our Judeo-Christian Values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, and Shirley McClain. You can have the U.N. but we will no longer be paying the bill. We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks, and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru Station Wagon you can find.
You can give everyone healthcare, if you can find any practicing Doctors (that is practicing, Howard Dean) who will follow to your turf (sic). We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right.
We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and The National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach The World To Sing, Kum Ba Ya, or We Are the World.
We'll practice trickle down economics, and you can give trickle up poverty its best shot.
Since it often so offends you we'll keep our History, our Name, and our Flag.
Would you agree to this?
In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you ANWAR on who will need whose help in 15 years.
Sincerely,
John J. Wall Law Student American
P.S. Please take Barbra Streisand.
P.P.S. We will keep all oil rigs offshore, all oil refineries, all big oil companies and exploration teams. You can keep your windmills and solar panels.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
