Thursday 8 August 2019


French President, Mr Macron, is in his office when his telephone rings.

'Hallo, Mr. Macron !' a heavily accented voice said.
'This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland.
I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!
We voted to reject the Lisbon treaty!'

'Well, Paddy,' Macron replied, 'this is indeed important news! How big
is your army?'

'Right now,' says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, 'there is
myself, me Cousin Sean, me next door neighbour Seamus and the entire
darts team from the pub. That makes eleven!'

Macron paused. 'I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my
army waiting to move on my command.'
'Begorra!' says Paddy. 'I'll have to ring you back.'

Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again.
'Mr. Macron, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some
infantry equipment!'
'And what equipment would that be Paddy?' Macron asks.
'Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor.'
Macron sighs amused. 'I must tell you, Paddy that I have 6,000 tanks and
5,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to
150,000 since we last spoke.'
'Saints preserve us!' says Paddy. 'I'll have to get back to you.'

Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. 'Mr. Macron , the war is
still On!
We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie
McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of
shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined
us as well!'
Macron was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat.
'I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes.
My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile
And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!'
'Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!' says Paddy, 'I will have to ring you back.'

Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. 'Top o' the mornin,' Mr.Macron!
I am sorry to inform you, that we have had to call off the war.'
'Really? I am sorry to hear that,' says Macron. 'Why the sudden change
of heart?'
'Well,' says Paddy, 'we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness and
packets of crisps
and we decided there is no bloody way we can feed 200,000 prisoners.'
H/T Pete H

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