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Tuesday, 22 January 2008
The Punch and Judy Show....
Neither of these idiots is fit to hold Public Office. It's going to get dirtier and nastier as the months go by.
FREE 2008 HOOTERS calendar!
Excellent for the garage, jobsite, toolbox or anywhere else you enjoy viewing nice hooters for that matter. Just click on it and copy.
H/T Nebraska Bob
News...
Brown skips key EU treaty Commons debate. What do you expect from a gutless prick, when he sees what the markets are doing he will find an excuse to stay away longer.
Diamonds? Gold? Old hat! Tractors are the thief’s holy grail. Always been a problem in the Fens.Farmers should have the right to shoot trespassers and ramblers without warning.
Stunned Armed Forces veterans have been ordered to give back a staggering £1.7million in pension overpayments. WTF the MOD as per it's usual imcompetance.
'It's not safe to walk the streets after dark', admits Home Secretary skewered in kebab farce. How the hell did we end up with this stupid tart in charge?
Share prices take the biggest fall since 9/11 - yes, this is starting to look like a recession. Here it comes. Meltdown.
The test that's letting in one migrant every three minutes (and could you pass it?) Britain is finished!!
Nato 'must prepare to launch nuclear attack'. NATO, they mean Britain and the US. Our so called NATO allies are next to bloody useless.(except the Canucks)
Wisdom for those Over 50...
Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?
A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement.
When you are done you will have a place to live.
Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 50+ year old husband?
A: Tell him you're pregnant.
Q: How can you avoid spotting a wrinkle every time you walk by a mirror?
A: The next time you're in front of a mirror, take off your glasses.
Q: Why should 50+ year old people use valet parking?
A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.
Q: Is it common for 50+ year olds to have problems with short term
memory storage?
A: Storing memory is not a problem, retrieving it is a problem.
Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.
Q: Where do 50+ year olds look for fashionable glasses?
A: Their foreheads.
Q: Where can women over the age of 50 find young, sexy men, who are
interested in them?
A: Try a bookstore under fiction.
Q: What is the most common remark made by 50+ year olds when they enter
antique stores?
A: "I remember these."
H/T Nebraska Bob
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Monday, 21 January 2008
Extremely Early Bedtime Totty....
..after 24 hours in London I need an early night. Normal service will resume tomorrow.
This IS the quote of, maybe, the century!!!
'The Hero of Chappaquiddick' speaks.
Ted Kennedy on why he supports amnesty for those sneaking across the Rio Grande .
H/T Canis 61
The Bullshitter....
A guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check. He marched straight up to the counter and said, " Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."
The social worker behind the counter said, " Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, and he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips and you will have to satisfy her sexual urges.
You'll be provided a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The salary is $200,000 a year."
The guy, wide-eyed, said, " You're bullshittin' me! "
The social worker said, " Yeah, well .. . you started it."
H/T LG Toles
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Sunday, 20 January 2008
Brief news....am off to London for 24 hours. So posting may be a tad erratic today.
Speaker Michael Martin's wife claims £50,000 in free flights to 'support' her husband. Who the f**k does she think she is!!
Blair accused of 'stabbing Hillary Clinton in the back' after supporting Republicans. A falling out of 'friends'. Blair will support who offers him the most lucrative prospects.
Government gets ready to expel 34 Russian spies - including diplomat who writes restaurants reviews. Here we go again...Cold War Part Deux.
Violent youth crime up a third. Thrash the little sods.
It seems it ain’t art if it ain’t ethnic. Clarkypoos latest.
As I am short of time this morning I recommend Jules and Maggie's Farm for all the latest news.
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Her best feature....
A young man moved into a new apartment of his own and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox.
While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing a robe.
The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him.
As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she Had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.
After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming."
He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely.
Now nude, she purred at him, "What would you say is my best feature?"
Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It's got to be your ears."
Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, "My ears? Look at these breasts; they are full and 100% natural. I work out every day and my butt is firm and solid. Look at my skin - no blemishes anywhere.
How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?"
Clearing his throat, he stammered .... "Outside, when you said you heard someone coming.... that was me."
H/T Shelly
Saturday, 19 January 2008
AND THEY CLAIM EDUCATIONAL STANDARDS ARE RISING !!!! Part 1
UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)
Jeremy Paxman: What is another name for 'cherrypickers' and 'cheesemongers'?
Contestant: Homosexuals.
Paxman: No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you.
BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)
Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is?
Contestant: Geography isn't my strong point.
Theakston: There's a clue in the title.
Contestant: Leicester
BEACON RADIO ( WOLVERHAMPTON )
DJ Mark: For Pounds 10, what is the nationality of the Pope?
Ruth from Rowley Regis: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?
UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE
Bamber Gascoigne: What was Gandhi's first name?
Contestant: Goosey?
GWR FM ( Bristol )
Presenter: What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963?
Contestant: I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.
And these people are allowed to vote!!!
H/T Pete Hurrell
News.....
Kids told to bake PC pizza. Britain gets sillier by the day!!
Yob freed early to batter Susan. Hang the scumbag!
The debate over Afghan strategy. The Belmont Club has a good piece.
Iraq forces could control all provinces this year: U.S. About time too
Putin: the brutal despot who is dragging the West into a new Cold War. They lost the last Cold War and they will lose this one.
CIA launches hunt for international computer hackers threatening to hold cities ransom by shutting off power. The CIA couldn't find their own backsides.
Pint of beer 'may cost £4 within year'. It's only £1.60 at the Sailing Club.
Israel test-launches nuclear-capable missile. Target Tehran.
Unbelievable Numbers From Iowa
Here are some interesting numbers from the Iowa Caucuses.
If you listened to the Main Stream Media, there was a TERRIFIC TURNOUT for Democrats at the Iowa Caucuses AND MAJOR CHANGE is in the wind.
All FOUR of the TOP Republican Candidates EACH exceeded the TOTAL NUMBER OF VOTES CAST for ALL Democrats.
In fact, it appears that NO Democrats even bothered to show up in Nine of the 1781 Iowa Precincts. All 1781 Precincts reported Republican votes.
THERE WERE ALMOST 9 TIMES THE NUMBER OF VOTES CAST IN THE REPUBLICAN CAUCUSES VERSES THE DEMOCRAT CAUCUSES.
See the map HERE
H/T Shelly
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Friday, 18 January 2008
You couldn't make it up...with Nebraska Bob
Pensioner arrested and locked in cell for shouting at yobs who threw stones at ducks.
WPCs call for end to Simon Cowell-style trousers saying: 'They make our bums look big'
Do Squaddies' Online Videos Bring The Army Into Disrepute? No but it shows what a bunch of w**kers the MOD and MSM are.
Site of the day...
Rogue Gunner the thoughts of a Falklands Veteran. A great bloke who went there and did it.
45 Govt thinks thinks these are the sexiest zoomy things...
Can anyone give a clue as to why the crews called the Blackbird the HABU?
The McDonnell-Douglas F-4 Phantom II had several nick names including "The World's Largest Distributor Of MiG Parts", "Old Smokey", "The Big Ugly", and "America's Proof To The World That With Enough Power Even A Brick Can Fly".
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