This weeks totty is courtesy of Stormbringer......jpg)
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Monday, 21 April 2008
Why are wedding dresses white?
IT MUST HAVE BEEN A VERY BRAVE MAN WHO WROTE THIS!!!!!!
IT'S EVEN A BRAVER ONE WHO FORWARDS IT !!!!!!!
Son asked his mother the following question:
'Mom, why are wedding dresses white?' The mother looks at her son and replies,
'Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure.'
The son thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this with his father.
'Dad why are wedding dresses white?'
The father looks at his son in surprise and says,
'Son, all household appliances come in white.'
H/T Nebraska Bob
This 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting.
When she went before the judge in Cincinnati he asked her, "What did you steal?"
She replied, "A can of peaches."
The judge then asked her why she had stolen the can of peaches and she replied that she was hungry.The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can. She replied 6.
The judge then said, "I will then give you 6 days in jail then."
Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment, the woman's husband spoke up and asked the judge if he could say something.
The judge said, "What is it?"
The husband said, "She also stole a can of peas."
H/T Casasquirrels
Inner Peace: Could this be the answer?
'I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me and we all could use more calm in our lives.
By following the simple advice I heard on a medical TV show, I have finally found inner peace.
A doctor proclaimed the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started.
So I looked around my house to see things I started and hadn't finished and, before leaving the house this morning I finished off a
bottle of Merlot,
a bottle of Chardonnay,
a botle of Baileys,
a butle of vocka,
a pockage of Prunglies,
tha mainder of bot Prozic and Valum scriptins,
the res of the Chesescke an a box a chocolets.
Yu haf no idr who bloudee gud I fel.
Peas sen dis orn to ennyun yu fee ar in ned ov inr pece.'
H/T Pete Hurrell
Sunday, 20 April 2008
As if they need a reason.....
Why women shouldn't vote for Hillary Clinton. Apart from the lying amoral bitch part!!
U.S. Army Pvt. Chrisman, from Mortars Platoon, 1st Battalion, 8th Infantry Regiment, 3rd Brigade, 4th Infantry Division, provides security as U.S. Army Soldiers from the 415th Civil Affairs Battalion make an assessment of a local market April 15, 2008, in Mosul, Iraq. (U.S. Air Force photo by Staff Sgt. Jason Robertson)
Theo's Movie reviews.....
'I am Legend': Glad I didn't pay to watch it.
'No Country for Old Men': Typical Coen Brothers. Fantastic acting by the emsemble cast. Plot as usual was convoluted. Must be seen ONCE!!!
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Gunpowder and Lead......Miranda Lambert
Apparently this was a class project to make vid for this song.
Tip of the Day....
The Adobe Media Player has some great shows and stuff on it so you can catch up on some that you have missed.
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A young farm couple, Homer and Daisy, got married and just couldn't seem to get enough lovin.
In the morning, before Homer left the house for the fields, they made love. When Homer came back from the fields, they made love. After supper, they made love. And again at bedtime, they made love.
The problem was their nooner: it took Homer a half hour to travel home and another half hour to return to the fields and he just wasn't getting enough work done.
Finally Homer asked the town doctor what to do.
"Homer," said the doctor, "just take your rifle out to the fields with you and when you're in the mood, fire off a shot into the air. That will be Daisy's signal to come out to you. Then you won't lose any field time."
They tried Doc's advice and it worked well for a while until one day when Homer came back to the doctor's office.
"What's wrong?" asked the Doc. "Didn't my idea work?"
"Oh, it worked good," said Homer. "Whenever I was in the mood, I fired off a shot like you said and Daisy'd come runnin'. We'd find a secluded place, make love, and then she'd go back home agin."
"Good, Homer. So what's the problem?" asked the Doc.
"Ah mighta trained her too good. I ain't seen her since huntin' season started!"
H/T Jeffrey Nihart
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The Sunday Best.......best may be a tad optimistic!!
Guns and God? Hell, yes Steyn on Obama.
Beleaguered Browne took week off to 'refresh himself'. I hope it proves to be terminal!
War dead get their police escort back ... thanks to The Mail on Sunday. I am not sure the Mail can take all the credit for this.
I fought the law and I won (again). How Robin Page challenged the police. The Plod have become revenue collectors for Brown.
Max Mosley: My private life is no reason to resign. Oh yes it is you Nazi Pervert.
Prescott: my secret battle with bulimia. The bullshit people dream up when they have a book to sell.
Closing time for Britain's public houses. Sad but so many pubs around me are so crap that no-one wants to go to them. The good friendly ones are surviving.
Iraqi cleric threatens 'open war'. It is easy to make threats when you are safely tucked away in Tehran with your boyfriend.
Voters flee Zimbabwe’s state terror. And still we do nothing. If we do not take down Mugabe we will never be taken seriously again as a world power.
British guns pound Basra. Carpet bombing would be better.
Time to save the world again, lads. Clarkypoos and the British will save the world!!
and his take on the Callaway Corvette C6
Brown's reign of error. A lot of chickens are coming home to roost and Brown is up to his neck in the s**t.
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Saturday, 19 April 2008
News....
Der Stink: Germany to blame for terrible smell engulfing England blown in by freak weather. Donner und shitzen!!
Ministers are hiding the true cost of the Olympic Games, says Commons watchdog (and it's likely to be £9.3bn) Make that 40 billion.
Fit enough to play basketball ... the Iraqi boy paid £2m by the MoD for being paralysed by a stray British bullet. Another total balls up by the MOD.
Guantanamo eight to sue MI5 and MI6 over 'illegal abduction and interrogation'. Send them back to Gitmo.
Mugabe regime ordered 77 tonnes of Chinese arms three days AFTER disputed elections. Someone sink the ship.
Financial crisis forces Britons into austerity. The prices of stuff have gone ballistic.
Robert Mugabe 'mobilising command centres for national terror campaign' Someone had better put our Airborne Guys on 24 hour stand by.
Coroner blames MoD again over troops' deaths. Heads must start to roll.
Enoch Powell: the Great Lie survives. Heffer on the 'Rivers of Blood.'
The death of common sense - it's time we all fought back. John Humphreys making sense for once.
James May: Vanity of vanities. Why do we want to drive beautiful cars?
Eight days of fear in Mugabe's machine. It will get worse.
Britain's 16 Air Assault Brigade takes aim at hearts and minds - but the guns are muted. Hearts and Minds will not work in Afghanistan, it didn't in Iraq.
Patriot's Day......
April Morning. Jules has all the details.
I am not sure why I am celebrating the day when the colonials got all uppity but what the hell. A little bit of 'patriotism' in the UK would go amiss right now.
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Friday, 18 April 2008
Theo's movie review of 'Meet the Spartans'....
..it's so crap it's brilliant. Tomorrow I will be reviewing 'I am Legend', starring Will Smith. Ok so I am a bit behind the times but WTF.
I am taking the rest of the day off to watch 'Meet the Spartans'....I will leave you this song which is brilliant.
.. the huge stack of e-mails will be read tomorrow.
Medicine 101.....
An Israeli doctor said, 'Medicine in my country is so advanced, we can take a kidney out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks.'
A German doctor said, 'That's nothing! In Germany, we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.'
A Russian doctor said, 'In my country medicine is so advanced, we can take half a heart from one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks.'
The English doctor, not to be outdone, said 'Hah!. We can take an asshole out of Scotland, put it in 10 Downing Street and have half the country looking for work within twenty-four hours.'
H/T Killem
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