Subject: Passport Application
Dear Minister,
I'm in the process of renewing my passport but I am a total loss to understand or believe the hoops I am being asked to jump through.
How is it that Bert Smith of T.V. Rentals Basingstoke has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a satellite dish from them back in 1994, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date?
How come that nice West African immigrant chappy who comes round every Thursday night with his DVD rentals van can tell me every film or video I have had out since he started his business up eleven years ago, yet you still want me to remind you of my last three jobs, two of which were with contractors working for the government?
How come the T.V. detector van can tell if my T.V. is on, what channel I am watching and whether I have paid my licence or not, and yet if I win the government run lottery they have no idea I have won or where I am and will keep the bloody money to themselves if I fail to claim in good time.
Do you people do this by hand?
You have my birth date on numerous files you hold on me, including the one with all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30-odd years. It's on my health insurance card, my driver's licence, on the last four passports I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the planes and boats over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that are done every ten years and the electoral registration forms I have to complete, by law, every time our lords and masters are up for re-election.
Would somebody please take note, once and for all, I was born in Maidenhead on the 4th of March 1957, my mother's name is Mary, her maiden name was Reynolds, my father's name is Robert, and I'd be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and the day I die!
I apologise Minister. I'm obviously not myself this morning. But between you and me, I have simply had enough! You mail the application to my house, then you ask me for my address. What is going on? Do you have a gang of Neanderthals working there? Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want to activate the Fifth Reich for God's sake! I just want to go and park my weary backside on a sunny, sandy beach for a couple of week's well-earned rest away from all this crap.
Well, I have to go now, because I have to go to back to Salisbury and get another copy of my birth certificate because you lost the last one. AND to the tune of 60 quid! What a racket THAT is!! Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day? But nooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You'd rather have us running all over the place like chickens with our heads cut off, then find some tosser to confirm that it's really me on the goddamn picture - you know... the one where we're not allowed to smile in in case we look as if we are enjoying the process!
Hey, you know why we can't smile? 'Cause we're totally jacked off!
I served in the armed forces for more than 25 years including over ten years at the Ministry of Defence in London. I have had security clearances which allowed me to sit in the Cabinet Office, five seats away from the Prime Minister while he was being briefed on the first Gulf War and I have been doing volunteer work for the British Red Cross ever since I left the Services. However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am -- you know, someone like my doctor...
who, before he got his medical degree 6 months ago WAS LIVING IN PAKISTAN...
Yours sincerely,
An Irate British Citizen.
H/T AJD Shootist
Friday, 7 March 2008
Don't you wish that you had written this?
RAF responds to Uniform Ban.....
RAF personnel ordered not to wear uniforms in public after suffering abuse in the street. I have never read so much pathetic crap in my life. We should be buying these guys drinks and celebrating their courage not asking them to hide. This of course has nothing to with Peterborough being infested with Islamic rats.
H/T Liz B
Thursday, 6 March 2008
Got your Six
Spc. Daniel Rodriguez (left), a native of Tucson, Ariz., and Spc. Nathaniel Bankston, who hails from Orlando, Fla., watch each other's backs while pulling security during a patrol in northeast Baghdad's Ur neighborhood, Feb. 24, 2008. Photo by Sgt. Michael Pryor, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 82nd Airborne Division Public Affairs.
H/T Mark Scott
News from Zimbabawe..
From Harare: Campaigning starts. Sadly 'free and fair' elections do not happen in Mugabe's Zimbabwe.
Ha ha...
Monica Lewinsky was looking at herself nude in a mirror, after a relaxing bath.
Her frustration over her lack of ability to lose weight was depressing her.
In an act of desperation, she decided to call on God for help...
"God...if you take away my love handles, I'll devote my life to you," she prayed.
And at that very moment, her ears fell off...........
H/T Shelly
News...
A shaming day for democracy: MPs vote to deny British people a say on the EU treaty. It's coup time!
Top BBC reporter fined over airport cannabis arrest 'but won't be sacked'. Typical of the contempt the BBC has for everything.
You'd think he won the lottery! Zimbabwe man buys can of drink for $25m - or 50p. This is a digrace and someone needs to do something about it. May I suggest killing Mugabe would be a good start.
The world's smallest gun that fires deadly 300mph bullets - but is just TWO inches long. Ok, it's not new but some of you may not have seen it.
Empty MoD homes 'cost millions'. More incompetance from the idiots at the MOD. They make the Home Office look efficient!!
Human crisis in Gaza 'is worst for 40 years'. Who cares? When the Palestians join the human race then they can have some help.
Plane flies five passengers from US to London. The fact that 5 people want to come to the UK is a miracle. Everyone I know is thinking of leaving.
Hillary Clinton hints at a dream ticket with Barack Obama. My God the Black and White Minstrel Show reborn!!!
Queen to visit Turkey for first time since 1971. The assholes at the Foreign office are trying to put HMTQ in harms way.
Man Butchers 15-Month-Old Nephew in Jeddah Supermarket. Welcome to Islam!!
Vice guide to North Korea Part 2....
Courtesy of VBS TV
If you missed yesterdays episode Click Here. I will be posting all of the clips so pay attention.
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Bush At The Bar...
President Bush decides to leave the White House and go out to sit in a local bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, 'Isn't that Bush sitting at the end of the bar?'
The bartender says, 'Yep, that's him.' So the guy walks over and says, 'Wow, this is a real honor! What are you doing in here?'
Bush says, ' I'm planning WW III.'
The guy says, 'Really? What's going to happen?'
Bush says, 'Well, I'm going to kill 140 million Muslims and one blonde with big tits.'
The guy exclaimed, 'A blonde with big tits? Why kill a blonde with big tits?'
Bush turns to the bartender and says,
'See, I told you, no one gives a shit about the 140 million Muslims'.
H/T 45 Govt
Wednesday, 5 March 2008
Labour MPs send clear message to the British people....
MPs reject EU treaty referendum.
80% of the British people want a referendum and by God we will get one, even if it means running every two bit shyster out of Westminster. Labour are going to pay for this betrayal.
Will you make it to 80....
I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age.
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do
you think I'll live to be 80?'
He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?'
'Oh no,' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'
Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?'
I said, 'No, my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'
'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking or bicycling?'
'No, I don't,' I said.
He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?'
'No,' I said
He looked at me and said,....
'Then, why do you even give a s**t'.
H/T Ted Foster
Eat more pork.....
British pork will become a rare delicacy. Another group of British farmers being screwed by the bloody supermarkets. Production costs are not being covered. Stop buying meat from them and go to your local butcher.
H/T Liz B
Not a view a Dictator wants to wake up to.....
..and I am not sure that bouncing one is good for the passengers!
Tax Time
A woman walks into an accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.
The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions." He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks," What's your occupation?"
"I'm a Lady of the night," she says.
The accountant is somewhat taken aback and says, "Let's try to rephrase that."
The woman says, "OK, I'm a high-end call girl".
"No, that still won't work. Try again."
They both think for a minute; then the woman says, "I'm an elite chicken farmer."
The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a prostitute?"
"Well, I raised a thousand little peckers last year."
"Chicken Farmer it is."
H/T Pete Hurrell
News..
Labour is 'in denial' over booze violence caused by 24-hour licensing. This is the most corrupt and disgusting government in British history. They must pat for what they have done.
3.2million are juggling their finances across five or more credit cards. When things crash it is going to be messy.
The boy of TEN caught by police with a machine gun under his bed. How come he has one and I don't.
Celebrity cocaine use condemned in UN report. Possibly the only intelligent thing the UN has ever done. Celebs who are caught doing drugs in public should be jailed for a minimum of 10 years.
US issues warning as China boosts military. We need to start building up our forces on both sides of the Atlantic. There are some big wars coming and we do not have the time to play catch up.
Colombian president accuses Hugo Chavez of genocide. Talking of wars that are coming.
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Low pass...
An OH-58 Kiowa helicopter makes a low pass during Operation Desert Harvest, in which Soldiers from the 1st Special Troops Battalion, 1st Brigade Combat Team, 101st Airborne Division assisted Iraqi security forces in clearing the Lake Thar Thar region of the Salah ad Din province of al-Qaeda operatives, March 2, 2008.
Photo by Spc. Richard Rzepka, 1st Brigade Combat Team, 101st Airborne Division (AA) Public Affairs
H/T Mark Scott
Tuesday, 4 March 2008
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Digging it....
..I have stuck a Digg thingy in the side bar. Not entirely sure how it works but will give it a few days to see what happens.
Royal Navy working on invisible ships....
Read more here. As I see it the Government have been working on making the Navy 'invisible' for years.
And the Navy are not impressed...
Who'da thunk?
Guns best crime deterrent after all. We need to overturn the UK handgun ban now!
H/T Nebraska Bob
