Combines have a habit of doing this. They should have a built in fire suppression system for the engines. In the good old days of stubble burning combines were always 'catching' fire as were pickups, tractors and and the occasional spud harvester!!
H/T Gary Page
Wednesday, 12 March 2008
How to cook a 'deer'!!
Here are some of the finest (unintentional) double-entendres ever aired on British TV and radio.
1. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - 'And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria . I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!'
2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator - 'Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him.'
3. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - 'This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother.'
4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - 'Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew.'
5. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team Live' said: 'You'd eat beaver if you could get it.'
6. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: 'There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this. '
7. Michael Buerk on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: 'They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts.'
8. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: 'Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself.'
H/T Pete Hurrell
News....
Two Weeks Away from a Revolution. Alan Caruba on the US economy and Wall Street's greed.
Boy punished for T-shirt with gun image. Oh crap!!
A bird cost a council £1.2million. I bet the council tax payers will be pleased. Actually I am on the bird's side. We do not need any more roads, just fewer people.
Bank of England forced to pump £10bn into money markets on eve of today's Budget. Brown has wrecked our economy and I fear it will never recover.
Cabinet ministers use official chauffeur-driven cars - to travel 150 yards. Let the f**kers walk, then we can 'see' them.
We were armed by Sudan, say Darfur killers. Khartoum would make a really nice 'carpark'!
MoD lost 11,000 military ID cards. Ministry of what?
Trafalgar Square war hero statue wins support. Sadly we will end up with a one legged, muslem, lesbian instead.
Bread basket that is left to grow weeds. Food is going to start costing us dear. The supermarkets are going to get richer and the farmers poorer.
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FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY. Part 2
11. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"
12. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?
13. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?
14. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?
15 WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?
16. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?
17. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?
18. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?
19. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?
20. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?
H/T Casasquirrels
Smoke and Grill....don't think we have them over here...
All washed down with a drop of this...
H/T Stormbringer
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Tuesday, 11 March 2008
FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY. part 1
1. DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.
2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.....
3. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.
4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?
5. THE MAIN REASON SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.
6. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF-HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.
7. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?
8. IF A DEAF PERSON SWEARS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?
9. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?
10. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?
H/T Casasquirrels
A few good bits...
Westhawk: Does Iraq really prepare the Army for everything?
Munchkin Wrangler: Why the gun is civilization.
Liberty Peak Lodge: Is one of the best of the new blogs.
Tizona has a 'survey' of the media and Spitzer.
and for everyting else there is Jules, and UCV
Now Hillary's in trouble....
Aussie feminist Greer brands Hillary 'cold, bossy'. Could this be a 'Feminist Fatwa'? When the 'Feminist Fuhrer' doesn't like you it's time for a sex change!!
Great news.....
..the lads at YouStrip have upgraded their site and it is looking good. Click pic to go there. Is it SFWish just dont let the boss catch you. Registration is a pain but worth it.
Delia's back.....Now it's 'Cooking for Idiots'.
Those of you with some spare cash might want to buy shares in 'Aunt Bessie's and Marks and Spencer!!!
Ralph's Surgery
When Ralph first noticed that his penis was growing larger and staying erect longer, he was delighted, as was his wife. But after several weeks, his penis had grown to nearly twenty inches.
Ralph became quite concerned. He was having problems dressing,and even walking So he and his wife went to see a prominent urologist. After an initial examination, the doctor explained to the couple that, though rare, Ralph's condition could be fixed through corrective surgery.
"How long will Ralph be on crutches?" the wife asked anxiously.
"Crutches? Why would he need crutches?" responded the surprised doctor.
"Well," said the wife coldly, "you're gonna lengthen his legs, aren't you? "
H/T Pete Hurrell
News...
House prices are falling at record rate confirming the end of 10-year boom. Good to many people have been living off house prices for too long. Time to pay the price.
M&S shopper who slipped on a grape sues for £300,000. Effing con artist!
Illegal immigrants vanish after being given rail tickets and told to 'make their way to detention centre'. I hope we got receipts for the train tickets!!
£580 extra to feed the family as food prices race ahead of inflation. Grow your own is about to get trendy!! Where can I get shares in greenhouses?
Democrats rocked as Clinton ally Elliot Spitzer is embroiled in sex scandal. Do the Clintons have any 'clean' friends.
Lighter sentences for 'desperate' thieves. Next the Government will legalise robbery!!
Funding threat to private schools. More effing class war crap from the socialist scum wrecking Britain.
Al-Qaeda's deadly return raises fears for success of Baghdad troop surge. The surge worked, sadly we forgot to nobble Iran while we were at it. There will not be peace in Iraq until Iran and Syria have a dose of 'regime change'.
Eco-terrorists top the FBI's threat list after wave of arson attacks. Eco my ass. They are a bunch of left wing psychos you should be properly 'targeted'.
Roundhead Gordon Brown's New Puritans. Bunch of Stalinist apes.
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Monday, 10 March 2008
Strange bedfellows....better them in bed than in the White House.
Click pic for the rude version. Content caution: It may put you off your supper.
H/T Ted Foster
Old man back from Thailand with his new Thai bride.
Lying in bed, the Thai bride is playing with his manhood, slowly up and down,
and the old boy says "You must love that, you haven't left it alone, since we got back."
The bride replied, "Not really, I miss mine."
H/T Casasquirrels
Enoch Powell - 1968. How right he was.
Taken from the 'Rivers of Blood' documentary available on the BBC I-Player for UK residents.
A MAN WALKS INTO A BANK, GETS IN LINE AND WHEN IT'S HIS TURN HE PULLS A GUN AND ROBS THE BANK! JUST TO MAKE SURE HE LEAVES NO WITNESSES HE TURNS AROUND AND ASKS THE NEXT CUSTOMER IN LINE, "DID YOU SEE ME ROB THIS BANK"? THE CUSTOMER REPLIES "YES", SO THE BANK ROBBER RAISES HIS GUN, POINTS IT TO THE GUYS HEAD AND "BANG", SHOOTS HIM IN THE HEAD AND KILLS HIM.
HE QUICKLY MOVES TO THE NEXT CUSTOMER IN LINE AND SAYS TO THE MAN, "DID YOU SEE ME ROB THIS BANK"? THE MAN CALMLY RESPONDS, "NO BUT MY WIFE DID"!
H/T Casasquirrels
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