A woman walks into an accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.
The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions." He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks," What's your occupation?"
"I'm a Lady of the night," she says.
The accountant is somewhat taken aback and says, "Let's try to rephrase that."
The woman says, "OK, I'm a high-end call girl".
"No, that still won't work. Try again."
They both think for a minute; then the woman says, "I'm an elite chicken farmer."
The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a prostitute?"
"Well, I raised a thousand little peckers last year."
"Chicken Farmer it is."
H/T Pete Hurrell
Wednesday, 5 March 2008
Tax Time
News..
Labour is 'in denial' over booze violence caused by 24-hour licensing. This is the most corrupt and disgusting government in British history. They must pat for what they have done.
3.2million are juggling their finances across five or more credit cards. When things crash it is going to be messy.
The boy of TEN caught by police with a machine gun under his bed. How come he has one and I don't.
Celebrity cocaine use condemned in UN report. Possibly the only intelligent thing the UN has ever done. Celebs who are caught doing drugs in public should be jailed for a minimum of 10 years.
US issues warning as China boosts military. We need to start building up our forces on both sides of the Atlantic. There are some big wars coming and we do not have the time to play catch up.
Colombian president accuses Hugo Chavez of genocide. Talking of wars that are coming.
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Low pass...
An OH-58 Kiowa helicopter makes a low pass during Operation Desert Harvest, in which Soldiers from the 1st Special Troops Battalion, 1st Brigade Combat Team, 101st Airborne Division assisted Iraqi security forces in clearing the Lake Thar Thar region of the Salah ad Din province of al-Qaeda operatives, March 2, 2008.
Photo by Spc. Richard Rzepka, 1st Brigade Combat Team, 101st Airborne Division (AA) Public Affairs
H/T Mark Scott
Tuesday, 4 March 2008
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Digging it....
..I have stuck a Digg thingy in the side bar. Not entirely sure how it works but will give it a few days to see what happens.
Royal Navy working on invisible ships....
Read more here. As I see it the Government have been working on making the Navy 'invisible' for years.
And the Navy are not impressed...
Who'da thunk?
Guns best crime deterrent after all. We need to overturn the UK handgun ban now!
H/T Nebraska Bob
Blogs of the day......
..a couple of my contributors have started their own blogs so please pop by and check them out.
Liberty Peak Lodge and
Liberal Guy
News...
'Every teenager in my borough has been mugged, says MP. Street crime is out of control.
Teenage binge drinking 'epidemic'. Raise the drinking age to 21. Any shop found selling booze to minors should lose their licence.
Home office alcohol tsar boasts of drinking on website as Labour proclaims 24-hour drinking a partial success. Piss head. Bit like the rest of them.
Barack Obama's credibility called into question.I didn't know he had any!!
Morgan unveils 'world's first green sportscar'. Good old Morgan, it's about the only car maker we have left. It's amazing what you can knock up in your garden shed.
UN approves fresh sanctions against Iran. And a fat lot of good they will do.
Rural poverty 'forgotten' by Government. Labour hates the countryside and those who live in it.
American attack targets al-Qa'eda in Somalia. Nice one.
Iraq ripe for Iranian domination. We have left Iran unchallenged for too long. It's now or never.
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The Three Little Pigs
Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order.
'I would like a Sprite,' said the first little piggy.
'I would like a Coke,' said the second little piggy.
'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' said the third little piggy.
The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner.
'I want a nice big steak,' said the first piggy.
'I would like the salad plate,' said the second piggy.
'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' said the third little piggy.
The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.
'I want a banana split,' said the first piggy.
'I want a cheesecake,' said the second piggy.
'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' exclaimed the third little piggy.
'Pardon me for asking,' said the waiter to the third little piggy,'But why have you only ordered beer all evening?'
The third piggy says -
'Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!!'
H/T Judy
Monday, 3 March 2008
Early Bedtime Totty....
The good news is that I will be blogging full time for the rest of this week!
JEWISH ICE CREAM
Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream is now available in Israel in the following flavours:
Wailing Wallnut
Moishemellow
Mazel Toffee
Chazalnut
Oy Ge-malt
Mi Ka-mocha
Bernard Malamint
Berry Pr'i Hagafen
Choc-Eilat Chip
Simchas T'Oreo
It should be noted that all of these flavors come in either a cup or a Cohen.
H/T Judy the hottest creplach I know.
A lesson for us all....
Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Unfortunately, the wife promptly whacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.
The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologise and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us."
So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said, "Come on in."
When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window.
A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke my window?"
"Uh...yeah, sir. We're really sorry about that," the husband replied.
"Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you... You see, I'm a genie , and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've released
me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself."
"Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, "I'd like a million pounds a year for the rest of my life."
"No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!" "And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the genie asked.
"I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world," she said.
"Consider it done," the genie said. "And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!"
"And now," the couple asked in unison, what's your wish, genie?"
"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a woman
in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife."
The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?"
She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?"
"You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband. I'd do the same for you!"
So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other in every way. After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, "How old are you and your husband?"
"Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly.
"NO SH*T." He said, "Thirty-five years old and you both still believe in
genies?"
H/T Judy
Breaking news..and the only really great news today.
The guys at You Strip have upgraded their site. In my opinion this is one of the best sites out there, and it's kinda SFW. Better not show the boss though.
Light news....
Ordinary families would get £100 a week MORE benefits if they lived apart. Welcome to benefit Britain.
Protesters stage demonstration at Parliament as poll shows 88 per cent want a referendum on EU treaty. We won't get one. We don't even get to choose our PM anymore.
Dmitry Medvedev vows to emulate Vladimir Putin after election landslide. Expect more of the same bull from the Russians.
UK troops in Basra face fresh insurgent threat. Time to go back on the offensive.
Hugo Chavez sends tanks to Colombia border. Here we go. Just the excuse needed to take this bum down.
Man asks friend to shoot him to avoid work. Pity Gordon Brown hasn't had the same idea.
A little wisdom....
A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.
Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.
Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't botherin' you none.
Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.
H/t Franklin Hill
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