...normal service will be resumed tomorrow.
Saturday, 8 March 2008
Hornet Hygiene
U.S. Navy Deck Johnny Waldemar Martinez cleans the canopy of an F/A-18 Super Hornet on the flight deck of the USS Harry S. Truman, under way in the Persian Gulf, March 5, 2008. Martinez is assigned to Strike Fighter Squadron 11. U.S. Navy photo by Petty Officer 3rd Class Ricardo
H/T Mark Scott
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Buffalo Theory of Intelligence
In one episode of "Cheers", Cliff is seated at the bar describing the Buffalo Theory to his buddy, Norm. I don't think I've ever heard the concept explained any better than this .
"Well you see, Norm, it's like this . . . A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the heard is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first . This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers."
H/T Jeffrey Nihart
Funny Answer to a dumb question
Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for Athena the wonder dog at Wal-Mart and was about to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired, with little to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again. Although I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
(I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.
WAL-MART won't let me shop there anymore
H/T Nebraska Bob
Friday, 7 March 2008
Phoenix Landing
An AH-64 Apache attack helicopter lands in Forward Operating Base Normandy, Diyaloa province, Iraq, Jan. 17, 2008, after returning from a mission in support of Operation Iron Harvest. Apaches provide close air support for ground troops. Photo by Spc. John Crosby, 115th Mobile Public Affairs Detachment.
H/T Mark Scott
Bush Girl - My Lil’ Bush
I can't work out if this pro or anti Bush I wasn't listening to the lyrics. I still support Dubya.
Democratic Dilemma
The Democratic Party has a crisis of monumental proportions;
They don't know whether to vote for the "Nut" with two Boobs, or the "Boob" with two Nuts.
H/T Peter Gunn
Light news...
Hillary Clinton may get her way on Florida vote. Just practising for November.
French women 'are the sexual predators now'. Road trip!!!
Battle for the £4 million sea fortress. My perfect home.
All UK citizens in ID database by 2017 Wanna bet!
Barack Obama 'will repair image of US in UK'. There is nothing wrong with the US in my house! Who the f**k is Samantha Power and what does she know about the English. Stupid tart.
A new toy...
Unveiled: The new supergun weapon against the Taliban can kill from over a mile away.
Update: What calibre is this puppy?
And meet it's Daddy
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Don't you wish that you had written this?
Subject: Passport Application
Dear Minister,
I'm in the process of renewing my passport but I am a total loss to understand or believe the hoops I am being asked to jump through.
How is it that Bert Smith of T.V. Rentals Basingstoke has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a satellite dish from them back in 1994, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date?
How come that nice West African immigrant chappy who comes round every Thursday night with his DVD rentals van can tell me every film or video I have had out since he started his business up eleven years ago, yet you still want me to remind you of my last three jobs, two of which were with contractors working for the government?
How come the T.V. detector van can tell if my T.V. is on, what channel I am watching and whether I have paid my licence or not, and yet if I win the government run lottery they have no idea I have won or where I am and will keep the bloody money to themselves if I fail to claim in good time.
Do you people do this by hand?
You have my birth date on numerous files you hold on me, including the one with all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30-odd years. It's on my health insurance card, my driver's licence, on the last four passports I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the planes and boats over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that are done every ten years and the electoral registration forms I have to complete, by law, every time our lords and masters are up for re-election.
Would somebody please take note, once and for all, I was born in Maidenhead on the 4th of March 1957, my mother's name is Mary, her maiden name was Reynolds, my father's name is Robert, and I'd be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and the day I die!
I apologise Minister. I'm obviously not myself this morning. But between you and me, I have simply had enough! You mail the application to my house, then you ask me for my address. What is going on? Do you have a gang of Neanderthals working there? Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want to activate the Fifth Reich for God's sake! I just want to go and park my weary backside on a sunny, sandy beach for a couple of week's well-earned rest away from all this crap.
Well, I have to go now, because I have to go to back to Salisbury and get another copy of my birth certificate because you lost the last one. AND to the tune of 60 quid! What a racket THAT is!! Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day? But nooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You'd rather have us running all over the place like chickens with our heads cut off, then find some tosser to confirm that it's really me on the goddamn picture - you know... the one where we're not allowed to smile in in case we look as if we are enjoying the process!
Hey, you know why we can't smile? 'Cause we're totally jacked off!
I served in the armed forces for more than 25 years including over ten years at the Ministry of Defence in London. I have had security clearances which allowed me to sit in the Cabinet Office, five seats away from the Prime Minister while he was being briefed on the first Gulf War and I have been doing volunteer work for the British Red Cross ever since I left the Services. However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am -- you know, someone like my doctor...
who, before he got his medical degree 6 months ago WAS LIVING IN PAKISTAN...
Yours sincerely,
An Irate British Citizen.
H/T AJD Shootist
RAF responds to Uniform Ban.....
RAF personnel ordered not to wear uniforms in public after suffering abuse in the street. I have never read so much pathetic crap in my life. We should be buying these guys drinks and celebrating their courage not asking them to hide. This of course has nothing to with Peterborough being infested with Islamic rats.
H/T Liz B
Thursday, 6 March 2008
Got your Six
Spc. Daniel Rodriguez (left), a native of Tucson, Ariz., and Spc. Nathaniel Bankston, who hails from Orlando, Fla., watch each other's backs while pulling security during a patrol in northeast Baghdad's Ur neighborhood, Feb. 24, 2008. Photo by Sgt. Michael Pryor, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 82nd Airborne Division Public Affairs.
H/T Mark Scott
News from Zimbabawe..
From Harare: Campaigning starts. Sadly 'free and fair' elections do not happen in Mugabe's Zimbabwe.
Ha ha...
Monica Lewinsky was looking at herself nude in a mirror, after a relaxing bath.
Her frustration over her lack of ability to lose weight was depressing her.
In an act of desperation, she decided to call on God for help...
"God...if you take away my love handles, I'll devote my life to you," she prayed.
And at that very moment, her ears fell off...........
H/T Shelly
News...
A shaming day for democracy: MPs vote to deny British people a say on the EU treaty. It's coup time!
Top BBC reporter fined over airport cannabis arrest 'but won't be sacked'. Typical of the contempt the BBC has for everything.
You'd think he won the lottery! Zimbabwe man buys can of drink for $25m - or 50p. This is a digrace and someone needs to do something about it. May I suggest killing Mugabe would be a good start.
The world's smallest gun that fires deadly 300mph bullets - but is just TWO inches long. Ok, it's not new but some of you may not have seen it.
Empty MoD homes 'cost millions'. More incompetance from the idiots at the MOD. They make the Home Office look efficient!!
Human crisis in Gaza 'is worst for 40 years'. Who cares? When the Palestians join the human race then they can have some help.
Plane flies five passengers from US to London. The fact that 5 people want to come to the UK is a miracle. Everyone I know is thinking of leaving.
Hillary Clinton hints at a dream ticket with Barack Obama. My God the Black and White Minstrel Show reborn!!!
Queen to visit Turkey for first time since 1971. The assholes at the Foreign office are trying to put HMTQ in harms way.
Man Butchers 15-Month-Old Nephew in Jeddah Supermarket. Welcome to Islam!!
Vice guide to North Korea Part 2....
Courtesy of VBS TV
If you missed yesterdays episode Click Here. I will be posting all of the clips so pay attention.
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Bush At The Bar...
President Bush decides to leave the White House and go out to sit in a local bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, 'Isn't that Bush sitting at the end of the bar?'
The bartender says, 'Yep, that's him.' So the guy walks over and says, 'Wow, this is a real honor! What are you doing in here?'
Bush says, ' I'm planning WW III.'
The guy says, 'Really? What's going to happen?'
Bush says, 'Well, I'm going to kill 140 million Muslims and one blonde with big tits.'
The guy exclaimed, 'A blonde with big tits? Why kill a blonde with big tits?'
Bush turns to the bartender and says,
'See, I told you, no one gives a shit about the 140 million Muslims'.
H/T 45 Govt
Wednesday, 5 March 2008
Labour MPs send clear message to the British people....
MPs reject EU treaty referendum.
80% of the British people want a referendum and by God we will get one, even if it means running every two bit shyster out of Westminster. Labour are going to pay for this betrayal.
Will you make it to 80....
I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age.
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do
you think I'll live to be 80?'
He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?'
'Oh no,' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'
Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?'
I said, 'No, my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'
'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking or bicycling?'
'No, I don't,' I said.
He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?'
'No,' I said
He looked at me and said,....
'Then, why do you even give a s**t'.
H/T Ted Foster
Eat more pork.....
British pork will become a rare delicacy. Another group of British farmers being screwed by the bloody supermarkets. Production costs are not being covered. Stop buying meat from them and go to your local butcher.
H/T Liz B
Not a view a Dictator wants to wake up to.....
..and I am not sure that bouncing one is good for the passengers!
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